To want a bit of effort prior to a first date (Online dating)

[Acey68]

How much effort / communication would you expect before meeting someone for the first time?
Have a date planned for Thursday but starting to feel a bit underwhelmed by lack of effort although potentially this is the norm!
He asked me out last week and we settled for Thursday. There has been a bit of contact since then but over the weekend we were messaging Saturday morning and then he just stopped responding (He ignored me asking how his day was going). Still no reply by the evening the following day, so I popped him another message asking if he was ok? That also went unanswered for another day. After having 2 messages ignored over 2 days I just assumed I was being ghosted so said to him, are we still on for Thursday, no worries if not- just need to know. He responded straight away saying Yes Thursday is still good but no apology or explanation of lack of response. I said ok great, a couple of messages back and forward again, I asked him how his work day was going yesterday at 12pm and nothing back since. Would this put you off or am I really expecting to much here?

Seems like a lot of contact on your part. Why not leave the rest to him. Especially if no definite arrangements are made.

Yeah I think don’t bother with “How’s your day going?” before you’ve even met. He sounds keen to meet if he messaged straight back about that. Just see if there’s a spark when you meet and then you can increase the contact by text between dates.

Leave it until you’ve actually met (obviously do confirm that). I’d be uncomfortable with a stranger texting me so frequently asking how my day was going.

I wouldn’t be investing in a load of hey how’s your day chat until I’d met the person, it could be a waste of time, plus I wouldn’t like it from someone who didn’t really know me yet. I don’t really care how a near stranger’s day is going but I might after we’ve met.

I did a fair bit of OD- I’m married to a man I met that way.

He ignored me asking how his day was going). Still no reply by the evening the following day, so I popped him another message asking if he was ok?
Oh God, I’d be ghosting you at this point. You haven’t even gone on a date! You had a date planned for Thursday, why do you need confirmation in triplicate? You’re pestering him and looking for boyfriend-level daily banal chit-chat, but you don’t yet know if you’ve got chemistry, he’s got bad breath, is he rude to waiters, does he pay for rounds, etc. Calm down.

Maybe he has a life! When I was OLD I personally couldn't bear the meaningless drivel chat, before or after meeting.

Exchanging pointless texts does not demonstrate 'effort' to me.

Oh no you asked him if he was ok because he didn’t answer?!

Stop it OP, it’s not how it works!

Noooo. Not the "how's your day" text. I hate that. Just relax and back off a bit until you've actually met. If anything develops after that then you can text asking how his day went.

He could also just not be a texter but I wouldn't text again after you've arranged to meet apart from shortly beforehand to just check it's still on.

Good luck

Thanks all, yes see what you mean, I was more confused as he rang me twice out of the blue on Saturday which I thought was a bit strange having never spoken to him before and then after that went completely silent on me, so was half thinking is he annoyed that I didn't pick up. New to OLD so just trying to navigate it all! Just going to leave him to it now. We haven't confirmed any time or place for Thursday. Do you think I should ask him or just wait to see if he volunteers this info?

Definitely wait

It’s weird he rang you but maybe he doesn’t like texting and would rather just confirm details verbally.

Wait to see if he volunteers date info.

Perhaps stop texting so much. It feels like you are over investing too early

Lots of people have a strategy of having a short first date quickly, and not texting much before.

When I was OLD though, I did say in my profile that I was a glued-to-my-phone type avid texter, and to scroll on by if that wasn’t for you! But even I’m bored by “how’s your day?” when I’m at work. Send me a funny story about a man on the bus with a lizard in his jacket pocket - fine! But not banal stuff when you haven’t even met.

Ringing could have been a bum dial. Ask him when you see him.

It is odd you’ve made a plan for Thursday without… an actual plan. But it’s equally weird you’ve been sending “how are you?” texts instead of “Looking forward to Thursday – I finish at 6pm so can be in town for 7pm. What about Pub Taco for a beer and a taco?” or whatever. Now you’ve got to do more texting on Thursday to nail it down.

Maybe he doesn't like texting much. He phoned you twice and you didn't pick up? You can't really complain that he let 2 texts go unanswered.
I wouldn't be starting the 'how did your day go?' Conversations when you haven't even met yet.
I'd wait until he gives you the info for Thursday as he asked you out so presumably has an idea in mind.

I think its important to have a connection before you meet someone through a dating website. There's nothing wrong with asking him how his day is Etc. If he's not giving you much back, then I don't think it's worth meeting him.

Yes I think for the next man definitely make a plan when you make a plan as the pp says.

And then the day of the date I think it's acceptable to say 'still good for later? Looking forward to it!'

Yes he said he would 'have a think' about where we would go but nothing more since, and wasn't sure whether to chase him up on it

No, don't chase him up, he'll end up feeling harassed. He won't forget about it so if he doesn't get in touch with details then it's because he's changed his mind.

Didn't read the bit where he called you twice! Maybe he's more of a caller rather than someone who texts!

Personally I like daily contact not to over do it but so but just so we both know we are still connected and looking forward to the date and finding things out about each other. If a potential date went silent on me and ignored me I wouldn't bother going.

Everyone is different with levels of contact and how they like to communicate and to me that is how I know if I can date the person successfully is if we are on the same page to begin with.

It wasn't a bum dial, as he rang me and then text 'oi!' when I didn't pick up. I said 'Hello?' and he tried calling again and so I explained I was out for drinks with a friend so wasn't able to speak just then and followed up with 'Hows your day going?' and didn't hear anything from him after that and no explanation from him on why he was ringing, which is why I messaged again the following day as I was thinking gosh have I annoyed him by not picking up. Minefield! ha

No you haven’t annoyed him by not picking up, but now I’d worry that it was a booty call and he’s had a few drinks and looking for a hook up not a chat, so thought he’d see what you were up to.

I mean an ‘oi’ from someone I’d not met or talked to properly yet is just rude in my opinion.

Don’t chase him up. But assess his actions as information. How does him not having a firm plan for where you are going on this date make you feel?? I’d find it a bit off putting

It may be as simple as you are just not compatible.