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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister's boyfriend and his karaoke obsession.

254 replies

HappyDays40 · 02/11/2021 04:58

Sister has a boyfriend who I don't like but put up with to keep her happy. They are coming for Christmas staying with our parents. For the first time we are at ours for Christmas which I am pleased about. He has apparently paid to hire a karaoke machine for Christmas day. I hate karaoke I would have to leave the house for the day. He is planning on setting up in my hallway which is the main access to the rest of the house. The thought of not being able to talk for listening to him singing droney songs makes me mad. Ive told him no he is pissed off now he and my sister who I do want to see aren't coming. She is pissed off at me because I said no politely. I just said it'll be too much. Apparently it was a special treat and he has paid hundreds that he can't get back.
Unreasonable behaviour on my part or not?

OP posts:
Funnylittlefloozie · 02/11/2021 10:15

I have this mental image of the karaoke-obsessed boyfriend being like Mr Morris from 'Friday Night Dinner'.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/11/2021 10:16

btw anyone saying OP should compromise doesn't get that another person imposing their will on her without she getting anything out of it is not a compromise. once the rules of engagement have been decided (ie sister & bf coming, no special conditions) the side trying to gain something (karaoke) without giving up something else (??? they have nothing extra to offer!) would not be a compromise!

A compromise is mutually beneficial to both parties.
What would OP get out of it?

And don't say her sister staying. She was already going to do that, unconditionally. You can't offer the same thing you'd already agreed to.

They essentially broke an agreement.

It's up to OP if she is willing to accommodate them at the expense of her peace & preference. But that is in no way a compromise.

If they can't come without the karaoke machine I'd let them but with the condition that they do something as equally unpleasant and self-sacrificing as what they expect from OP.
now that would be a compromise.

SageRosemary · 02/11/2021 10:26

So, he loves karaoke - but doesn't have his own machine? He works in a karaoke bar but doesn't have contacts to borrow a machine or rent one very cheaply? He is spending hundreds to rent one for a day/few days when he could buy one for around that price, or much less. Is the machine colossal? Does it need to be delivered directly to your house? What a shame it would be if you weren't home to accept it? What a shame if it couldn't possibly fit through your doorway without damaging it? (We had this problem with a bouncy castle delivery). What a shame if someone removed the fuse and replaced it with a blown one? Could he stretch to getting a gazebo for some outdoor "fun"?

If this was my house, I'd probably not have the balls to say "No", a complete sentence. I'd let him have a song or two, then I would be retreating into the sitting room and closing the door and putting on a Christmas Movie, because we always watch "Home Alone" on Christmas Day, Kevin is one of the family. Or, having to walk the dog, with or without the rest of the family. Or, leaving the kitchen and utility doors open and running the washing machine, tumble dryer and dishwasher all at once.

And, I'm stereotyping now, but I'm picturing a very handsome young Phillipino man in a frilly white shirt, waistcoat, pleated trousers!

SageRosemary · 02/11/2021 10:29

Another question, any chance this is part of an elaborate Marriage Proposal?

Original poster
HappyDays40 · 02/11/2021 10:30

@Funnylittlefloozie that made me laugh

OP posts:
TheSoapyFrog · 02/11/2021 10:30

I love karaoke, I'm terrible at it, but I love it. My family don't, and not in a hundred million years would I bring a karaoke machine to their house. At best, they would have a couple of drinks and sing maybe one song, but the reality is that i would end up dominating it and my family would probably consider whether they could get away with my murder.
That is not a nice treat for everyone. A nice treat would be bringing a few bottles of champagne or a good quality cheese board.

GiltEdges · 02/11/2021 10:31

@Namechangedforthethousandthtim

He's tried to do a nice and fun thing and you've spoiled it by being controlling and a killjoy. It's not all about you? You could compromise.
Hmm I just don’t understand some people’s perspective on things. How is OP being controlling? And even if she was, it’s her bloody house! Which he’s been kindly invited to on Christmas Day. If he wanted to bring a karaoke machine with him he should have asked and when he was told no, he’d have saved himself the hundreds of pounds he’s now annoyed about.
Original poster
HappyDays40 · 02/11/2021 10:32

They are already engaged. They live overseas but not too far. He did used to have his own system that he did parties with but alas he sold it so he could move in with my sister lucky her!

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyDays40 · 02/11/2021 10:34

It appears some people think I am a right tyrant😁. Totally not the case im proper eady easy going generally but drae the line to smokers and karaoke in my home Grin

OP posts:
StormyCornishSeas · 02/11/2021 10:34

Yanbu! I love abbot of karaoke bit on Christmas day when it'll be the focus of the day, and it'll be drunken warbles of various Christmas songs all day.

GiltEdges · 02/11/2021 10:34

@HappyDays40

They are already engaged. They live overseas but not too far. He did used to have his own system that he did parties with but alas he sold it so he could move in with my sister lucky her!
So your sister wouldn’t even allow a machine in her house, but wants you to?! Shock
Juniper68 · 02/11/2021 10:35

Does your sister love karaoke?

Original poster
HappyDays40 · 02/11/2021 10:44

My sistwr is not a fan TBH thwy have a one bedroom flat so id love to see it thereGrin

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/11/2021 11:07

@MrsTerryPratchett

You do sound a bit joyless. What's the issue with karaoke?
Well, personally I hate it. I can't sing and I can't bear other people's tuneless singing either.

And why on earth didn't they ask first? How stupid!

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2021 11:09

@Namechangedforthethousandthtim

He's tried to do a nice and fun thing and you've spoiled it by being controlling and a killjoy. It's not all about you? You could compromise.
Controlling??

It's her bloody house! She's the host!

It's also not nice if others don't like it

Am I the only one who thinks 'controlling' (ie I have a different opinion to you) is one of the most overused words on MN?

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2021 11:10

@SmileyClare

I think a good compromise is an hour or so the evening after a few drinks- no one takes themselves too seriously and you all have a go.

At any other times during the day- as above- strictly Christmas carols in the garden for him Grin

Nothing would persuade me to 'have a go'

Absolutely nothing.

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2021 11:13

@Motnight

What do your parents think Op, after all it is their house?
It's not... the OP is hosting
Nanny0gg · 02/11/2021 11:13

[quote HappyDays40]@Bancha I didn't say that to him though. Sorry if it reads wrong just to clarify. I politely declined and said it was to much and no. I didn't say id leave the house. I just know that is what I would have to doSmile sorry if I misguided anyone.[/quote]
You were perfectly clear.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2021 11:16

Was a bit weird of him to book and pay for that without asking if it was OK first

roarfeckingroarr · 02/11/2021 11:24

This is really funny, sorry.

YANBU/

Motnight · 02/11/2021 11:24

Ah I misread! In that case just say no 😁

whineybing · 02/11/2021 11:29

It was rude for him to assume that he could hire the karaoke machine without asking OP first. I don't think that there is any way he is going to compromise on a couple of hours of karaoke here and there considering he has paid hundreds of pounds for it, he's going to get his moneys worth.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/11/2021 11:31

Christ I can't think of anything worse on Christmas day! Bad enough in a big pub/club, def not ok in someone's hall!!

I've got an image of him in an Elvis suit, despite you saying he prefers a bit of Frank .... one of those suits that are far too tight and clingy round the crotch, leaving nothing to the imagination ......

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/11/2021 11:46

@HappyDays40

It appears some people think I am a right tyrant😁. Totally not the case im proper eady easy going generally but drae the line to smokers and karaoke in my home Grin
Here's hoping he doesn't get into character fully Grin
Sister's boyfriend and his karaoke obsession.
Platax · 02/11/2021 11:46

@Namechangedforthethousandthtim

He's tried to do a nice and fun thing and you've spoiled it by being controlling and a killjoy. It's not all about you? You could compromise.
But it's something he personally finds fun and which would take a lot of space in someone else's house, use her electricity, make a lot of noise and exclude any other Christmas activities his host may have planned, let alone peaceful relaxation. Surely anyone with the tiniest smidgen of awareness would work out that not everyone likes karaoke and it has to be totally up to the host whether she wants it? If he thinks it's so great, maybe he should have offered to host people and set it up in his flat. It's not in the least controlling of OP not to want something as intrusive as this wished on her - if anything, it's the guest who is being controlling.