Me and DFriend share the love of the same baby name.

[PeppaNeedsToBeWrappedInBacon]

A while back when out with friends we were discussing whether I’d have a boy or girl this time (I’m 20 weeks pregnant) and then we got onto the subject of names.

I said for a boy we’re really struggling to find anything we like and the only name I think I like is Miles.

One of my Dfriends gasped with a “no, you can’t do that that’s the only name I like and that’s what I’m going to call ours if we have a boy!” (Planning to start trying for a baby once they’ve moved out together) - she was quite serious and I laughed it off and said I’d probably have another girl anyway and not to worry.

Anyway, it’s a boy. We still only really like Miles so far although plenty of time to find more names.

We went out for food recently and the name question came up again, from Dfriend and I jokingly said “oh you don’t want to know!” And she asked if it was Miles, she looked genuinely quite disappointed but quickly said “they’ll have to have the same name then, so don’t moan if I choose it too!” - although I wouldn’t care if she did end up having a boy with the same name I almost feel like I’ve taken it from her and feel quite bad, she’s such a lovely person who would do anything for anyone so I’m worried she’ll just put on a smile while resenting my choice.

I don’t think my questions is so much “would I be unreasonable to name my baby Miles knowing it’s her ‘the one’ name”

But more:

AIBU to feel awful despite me mentioning the name first, being pregnant with a boy before she’s even trying? It almost seems a bit over the top to claim a name before you’re pregnant unless it has some sort of significant or sentimental meaning.

No-one 'owns' a name.

Talk about a storm in a teacup.

As has often been said here no-one owns a name but your friend seems determined to try. Don't feel guilty - after all you mentioned it first.

My DDs have quite unusual names. Two different friends have named their younger DC the same names as mine. I'm flattered! Like PP said it might be different if she'd told you the name then you'd copied it. You're friends, it makes sense you have similar taste. She might change her mind by the time she has DC anyway, or have girls.

I think they'll both have to have the same name. If it really is the only name either of you like. She's not pregnant yet so she may never have a son, you can't not make your child a name you like over a hypothetical future child. She has at least 9 months to get used to the idea or think of another name.

YANBU

• you are pregnant, she isn't
• you said it first so by the only rule of dibs it's yours🤣
• you are not naming your boy Miles to spite her or despite knowing she wants the name too. enough of this nonsense.
• you are actually having a boy, so it'd be stupid to hold out for her imaginary son to have this name and then she ends up with girls (or end up being barren....)
• not all friends are forever (diamonds are), so imagine calling your son anything else then your friend and you fall out in a few years and then you will kick yourself for giving up the only name you liked for her..would you be ok with that?
• she can also name her son Miles. and of course that's her choice even if you don't like it

use the name you like. if your friendship ends over it then good riddance.

to be fair even if she had said it first it doesn't matter.
by default it's first comes first served, but it's not like you are swooping in to rain on her parade or 'stealing' a name you'd never considered just to be a dickhead (like someone's sister did on another thread)

I can recall on another forum where this king of thing caused a big falling out between two members with one saying ‘you stole my baby name’.

It was ridiculous. Call your baby whatever you like.

maybe your friend could go metric and call him Kilometres

First come, first served. You get first choice. If she’s had a baby that had died and you picked the same baby name then that would be not acceptable behaviour but this is a non-offensive name and fair game.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

maybe your friend could go metric and call him Kilometres

😂

Name him Myles instead

Definitely not being unreasonable. What if she doesn't have a boy?? It would be unreasonable if you'd then asked HER to not copy your name. You haven't, so go for it. Congrats!!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

maybe your friend could go metric and call him Kilometres

Do either of you have any significant reason for wanting "Miles" ? Will he be named after someone?

I'm surprised neither of you can think of any other names out of hundreds and thousands that you like? All you can do is settle on another name (Milo?) or agree to use the same name and lighten up about it.

It's not as if you won't meet lots of other parents of Miles. It's a really popular name.

You're entitled to use the name but I think you could be a bit less judgey about your friend's reaction, she likes the name that's all.

Use the name and dont feel bad.

My friend and another mutual friend both love the same unremarkable boys name.
Friend has just had a son and used the name the mutual friend is still trying to get pregnant and took it with good grace.

You cant avoid it based on a hypothetical. She could have 4 daughters!!!

I don't quite see her problem. Unless Miles is a name which has very strong emotional associations for her; e.g. a deceased relative. If the children are likely to play together a lot, I suppose it could create some confusion if they have the same name; but one can usually get around this - my name is very common among people my age, and it sometimes seemed as though every other child I knew had the same name, but it didn't cause major problems. She seems to be seriously over-reacting.

You can have Miles and IF she has a son, he can be Myles.

Sorted!

And anyway, as others have said, who knows if or when she'll have a son?

Tell her to call hers Giles. Anyway you already liked the name and you're pregnant with a boy. Use Miles. You've done nothing wrong.

Sounds like she's been reasonable though...she noted she was disappointed because she liked the name and hoped to have her own son called Miles one day, but hasn't said you can't use it, and has just said they will have to have the same name then. Sounds a mature response to me.
Your response is a bit odder. It's just a name

This whole 'stolen my baby name' thing I keep reading everywhere makes me laugh.
As plenty of others have said, no-one 'owns' a name & unless it's an emotional/personal/sensitive issue, then all names are fair game to everyone. What's your friend going to do when her (currently fictional) son goes to school & there are 2 others with the same name in his class?! Happens all the time. Who cares??

When I was at school there were multiple Matts, Bens and Toms. It was a fairly small town so a lot of the parents knew each other pre-children so calling your kid the same name as your friends kid doesn’t seem to have been such a big deal as it is on mumsnet!

As long as you're happy for her child to potentially have the same name there's no issue. She's given you a heads up that might happen. She shouldn't be making a fuss though she can still use the name.

@Sandinmyknickers

Sounds like she's been reasonable though...she noted she was disappointed because she liked the name and hoped to have her own son called Miles one day, but hasn't said you can't use it, and has just said they will have to have the same name then. Sounds a mature response to me. Your response is a bit odder. It's just a name

I agree as long as she hasn't demanded you don't use the name her reaction is fine.