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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Me and DFriend share the love of the same baby name.

103 replies

PeppaNeedsToBeWrappedInBacon · 02/11/2021 02:40

A while back when out with friends we were discussing whether I’d have a boy or girl this time (I’m 20 weeks pregnant) and then we got onto the subject of names.

I said for a boy we’re really struggling to find anything we like and the only name I think I like is Miles.

One of my Dfriends gasped with a “no, you can’t do that that’s the only name I like and that’s what I’m going to call ours if we have a boy!” (Planning to start trying for a baby once they’ve moved out together) - she was quite serious and I laughed it off and said I’d probably have another girl anyway and not to worry.

Anyway, it’s a boy. We still only really like Miles so far although plenty of time to find more names.

We went out for food recently and the name question came up again, from Dfriend and I jokingly said “oh you don’t want to know!” And she asked if it was Miles, she looked genuinely quite disappointed but quickly said “they’ll have to have the same name then, so don’t moan if I choose it too!” - although I wouldn’t care if she did end up having a boy with the same name I almost feel like I’ve taken it from her and feel quite bad, she’s such a lovely person who would do anything for anyone so I’m worried she’ll just put on a smile while resenting my choice.

I don’t think my questions is so much “would I be unreasonable to name my baby Miles knowing it’s her ‘the one’ name”

But more:

AIBU to feel awful despite me mentioning the name first, being pregnant with a boy before she’s even trying? It almost seems a bit over the top to claim a name before you’re pregnant unless it has some sort of significant or sentimental meaning.

OP posts:
InTheNightWeWillWish · 02/11/2021 07:05

I had a girl name and a boy name picked out years before I started trying. My friend called her boy the name I had picked out. At a meter stage, after she’d had the baby but I still wasn’t trying, I told her that we’d originally we’d wanted that name. She had no issues with us using the same name, as nobody owns a name. She said it was obviously a great name. Don’t feel bad about using the name but if she wants to use it after, that’s still fine.

Now I’m actually 35 weeks pregnant and I don’t know if I want to use my original boy and girl names. I don’t know what we’re going to call this baby. So when she actually gets pregnant and she’s having a boy, she might not want the name anyway.

SlugRose · 02/11/2021 07:06

@Alleycat02

You can have Miles and IF she has a son, he can be Myles.

Sorted!

Myles is Miles better imo
Musicaltheatremum · 02/11/2021 07:07

I was introduced to a lady when my daughter was 18m by my health visitor. Her daughter had the same name as mine did....we still became friends...still are 27 years later. Noone owns a name

5thnonblonde · 02/11/2021 07:11

I had a favourite boy name that my best friend (unknowingly) used. I’ve got 2x DDs and love being able to use it regularly with her son Smile

StoneofDestiny · 02/11/2021 07:11

What difference does it make if two people have the same name?

Hayup · 02/11/2021 07:14

My niece is named Olivia Barrett Her best friend is Olivia Barker Both Mums loved the name, and it didn't cause any issues.

The girls refered to themselves by their full names when they were little as did their friends because Olivia B didn't help.

Nowadays they are just Barrett and Barker Grin

*names changed obviously

girlmom21 · 02/11/2021 07:15

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

maybe your friend could go metric and call him Kilometres
😂😂😂
Chocolatewheatos · 02/11/2021 07:15

We had a name picked out for a girl, well before we even started trying. No matter who had called their baby that name I would still have used it and yeah I'd have been disappointed if someone did even if they were first.
Doesn't mean you can't use the name too, just be more positive about it, change your mindset on it, it'll be lovely for them to have the same name.

Rainbowqueeen · 02/11/2021 07:15

But it’s also your “the one” name. And you are pregnant now and have probably been looking at names more Just because she likes it now is no guarantee she will feel the same way when she has a baby.

MRex · 02/11/2021 07:16

There will be other children sharing the name too, stop getting ridiculous about it.
Milo is a nice name, not so sure about Miles / Giles.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 02/11/2021 07:16

Aww bless you l understand your concerns. She might well be a bit resentful but you are free to choose what you want, and as you have pointed out, she isn't pregnant and might not ever have a boy.

Have a calm conversation with her explaining that if she was guaranteed to have a boy perhaps you could both agree not to use it but it's the only name you want and if you pick something you don't want and she doesn't have a boy you will be gutted.

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/11/2021 07:17

They can be name buddies if her boy ever materialises. She’s being ridiculous.

SilentPanic · 02/11/2021 07:19

Tell her to call hers Giles
Or even piles.

Sally872 · 02/11/2021 07:20

Your being unreasonable to feel awful about it. You both like the same name. Friend might use the same one if she has a boy and that's fine. Friend might feel resentful (but as you both sound normal and reasonable it is unlikely). There would be just as much chance you would feel resentful if you don't use it.

Imagine you don't use the name. Then Friend never has a boy. Or has a boy but partner says no to Miles so they pick something else. Or her taste changes and uses a different name.

You are doing nothing wrong. Use the name and forget about it.

Fleur405 · 02/11/2021 07:21

Why on earth couldn’t they have the same name?! I think it’s slightly different with family members - i.e if she was your sister/SIL but she’s not. On one level I do get your friend’s reaction but being objective about it she’s not being remotely reasonable especially since you both liked the name independently.

MissCrowley · 02/11/2021 07:25

Call your baby Miles, you're actually pregnant and having a boy. I agree with other PP who said she may end up having girls or you could fall out with each other in future and regret not naming your child the name you wanted.

When I was in my very early 20s I had a friend (older than me) who was pregnant with a girl and she was set on Alice. She asked me what I would call my child so I said "Aurora, I really like that name"
Lo and behold that's what she named her daughter.
At first I was a bit shocked, now I'm mid 30s and my daughter is not called Aurora and to be honest I'm not a fan of it anymore either 😂

PhiOmicron · 02/11/2021 07:28

There are seven Aliyahs/Aleyas in my daughter's class.

I imagine whichever of their mothers it is who owns the name must be raking it in in royalties from the others.

RedToothBrush · 02/11/2021 07:36

How are you going to feel if you don't use the name, and she never has a boy or even a baby? Or even worse, she has a boy and changes her mind and uses something else.

Use it.

You cannot live your life on the whatifs and to be nice to someone. She has to agree a name with her partner. He may hate Miles! You are actually in the process of working out a name.

Worst case is there is nothing stopping her from using Miles anyway.

Marvellousmadness · 02/11/2021 07:38

She is not a friend
I would love it if my friend named her baby the same name as mine.
Anyway. Ignore. Name your baby miles and be happy about it. It is a lovely name btw!!!

Marvellousmadness · 02/11/2021 07:39

Plus she might have a girl.
Haha

GaolBhoAlba · 02/11/2021 07:39

@Hayup

My niece is named Olivia Barrett Her best friend is Olivia Barker Both Mums loved the name, and it didn't cause any issues.

The girls refered to themselves by their full names when they were little as did their friends because Olivia B didn't help.

Nowadays they are just Barrett and Barker Grin

*names changed obviously

Currently, its more difficult to find a girl NOT called Olivia 😂
FluffyBooBoo · 02/11/2021 07:42

You aren't doing anything wrong by calling your son a name just because your friend wants to use it. She might never have a boy..

Apparently it's having a bit of a resurgence (I find that surprising given its meaning), so it's not like it's a really uncommon name. If you love it, you should use it.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 02/11/2021 07:46

She’ll get over it. She might not have used it anyway. But this is why you don’t tell people the name before hand. If you had told everyone after the birth she couldn’t have objected at that point.

Derbee · 02/11/2021 08:00

@Sandinmyknickers

Sounds like she's been reasonable though...she noted she was disappointed because she liked the name and hoped to have her own son called Miles one day, but hasn't said you can't use it, and has just said they will have to have the same name then. Sounds a mature response to me. Your response is a bit odder. It's just a name
Exactly this. Everyone saying “she doesn’t own the name” etc etc. She’s never said OP cant use it. OP is the one making it an issue
Derbee · 02/11/2021 08:03

@Marvellousmadness

She is not a friend I would love it if my friend named her baby the same name as mine. Anyway. Ignore. Name your baby miles and be happy about it. It is a lovely name btw!!!
What kind of batshittery is this?! The friend said they’ll just have to have the same names. She hasn’t made an issue out of it