Me and DFriend share the love of the same baby name.

[PeppaNeedsToBeWrappedInBacon]

A while back when out with friends we were discussing whether I’d have a boy or girl this time (I’m 20 weeks pregnant) and then we got onto the subject of names.

I said for a boy we’re really struggling to find anything we like and the only name I think I like is Miles.

One of my Dfriends gasped with a “no, you can’t do that that’s the only name I like and that’s what I’m going to call ours if we have a boy!” (Planning to start trying for a baby once they’ve moved out together) - she was quite serious and I laughed it off and said I’d probably have another girl anyway and not to worry.

Anyway, it’s a boy. We still only really like Miles so far although plenty of time to find more names.

We went out for food recently and the name question came up again, from Dfriend and I jokingly said “oh you don’t want to know!” And she asked if it was Miles, she looked genuinely quite disappointed but quickly said “they’ll have to have the same name then, so don’t moan if I choose it too!” - although I wouldn’t care if she did end up having a boy with the same name I almost feel like I’ve taken it from her and feel quite bad, she’s such a lovely person who would do anything for anyone so I’m worried she’ll just put on a smile while resenting my choice.

I don’t think my questions is so much “would I be unreasonable to name my baby Miles knowing it’s her ‘the one’ name”

But more:

AIBU to feel awful despite me mentioning the name first, being pregnant with a boy before she’s even trying? It almost seems a bit over the top to claim a name before you’re pregnant unless it has some sort of significant or sentimental meaning.

[quote PeppaNeedsToBeWrappedInBacon]@WhatAWasteOfOranges - no one is being precious about them having the same name here? I’m happy for them to have the same name, and she’s said the same; my point is, is whether I believe her when she says she doesn’t mind them having the same name.[/quote]
Well, you'll have to decide whether or not you believe her, and then, if you don't, whether that troubles you enough to forego the name. I suspect it won't, and nor should it.

She's effectively given you her blessing, not that you needed it, so just take it at face value and choose the name you like, as she will do too.

It’s not like it’s super unusual and they’re not going to be in the same year at school or anything. I suppose as you’re friends it will be odd if they’re playing together but I have a brother and 3 cousins called Tom and they’ve all done ok lol

I have never understood people expecting to "reserve" a name they may never use. You are pregnant, and you are having a boy. She is neither of those things and may never be. And even if she does have a boy they will be at least a year apart in age, and won't share a surname. Besides, once she actually starts looking at boys' names if pregnant, she may well find another one she likes better. Imagine if you had avoided Miles only for her to eventually name her son Arlo or something?

Why do people say they are flattered their friend copied their child's name? They didn't, they just chose the same name unless of course the name was a made up one
Bloody ridiculous

Aw I kinda feel for her.

I always knew my girls name and even DH loved it so we were very set on that. Ended up having a boy and a couple years later my friend had a girl and ended up giving her the girls name we loved. I was gutted as I had my heart set on it. Gave myself a proper talking to and a head wobble and we talked about alternative names, (we're planning on trying in a couple months) and low and behold, our back up name has just been 'nabbed' by my brother!

Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Anyways, your friend is probably a bit upset about it but it won't become a 'thing'. If it does, then you know where she holds your friendship.

I imagine if and when she ever has a boy she could well have changed her mind anyway and thought of another name

You should go and name him Miles….if you still want it

She’s being ridiculous. I get that she might be disappointed but she can’t ask you not to use it, especially as you mentioned you liked it first, it’s not like she said it and then you decided you liked it too.

I had a similar issue with one of dh’s friends. We were due babies around the same time. Ours was born, we announced we’d called him Leo Theirs was born and they told everyone he was called Oliver. A few days later they texted everyone again to say they had actually changed their mind and were calling him Leighyo (not real names but equally ridiculous.) Dh spoke to them at a later date and they had a real bee in their bonnet about the fact that we had stolen their name (despite never having discussed names with each other!) and they still hate us! They were the ones that made it weird by announcing a different name then changing it to a weird misspelling a week later. I’m sure if they’d just announced the same name no one would have batted an eyelid.

She’s being ridiculous. I get that she might be disappointed but she can’t ask you not to use it

Are we reading the same post?

she looked genuinely quite disappointed but quickly said “they’ll have to have the same name then, so don’t moan if I choose it too!”

Name him whatever you want, OP! If you’re close I and I was the friend I’d personally choose a different name if I had a boy but that would be my choice. She might have a girl!

Miles is a lovely name! My rat is called Miles after the Spider-Man character

No one owns a name. There will be at least 3 kids called Miles at school anyway. There's no problem with you both using the name.

Though personally I'd say Giles is a nicer name than Miles, but that's my personal taste. You and your friend clearly share similar tastes and that's something to laugh about, not get upset by.

My best friend of years at the time loved my kids name , I told her to go ahead and use it , they would be at different schools , friends etc , . She later ghosted me , I was quite upset but now see the unpleasant side Of her , and it maters not a joy we have kids with same name as we will never have any relationship again. Go ahead and bd happy with your choice

If it were family it would bother me but a friend not sure much.
My BIL and his wife have used the same middle names for their girls as 2 of our older girls. 1st names I would have raised an eyebrow at but nothing you can do about others name choices really.

If you like Miles call him Miles. She’s a friend not your sister. She’s not pregnant. If she gets pregnant it might not be a boy. If it is a boy her husband might not be a fan of it. Even if the stars align and she has her Miles he will be serval years younger than yours. You may not be friends or barely see each other. Even if you are best friends it won’t matter. It could be a little special bond between the boys.
I like Miles don’t do a weird spelling just to be different. I did love the character in This Life (shows my age!)

You don't need to feel bad about calling your baby Miles, and she doesn't need to feel bad about calling her possible future baby Miles, if it hasn't already gone out of fashion by the time she had him, which it very likely will. It sounds like you both have the good grace at good humour not to fall out about it, which is rare and precious on Mumsnet!

Btw would you consider Giles? I never meet a little Giles.

I am just suprised there are two people who like the name Miles

@tinkleton

I am just suprised there are two people who like the name Miles

It's the popularity of George that always baffles me.

OP, your friend sounds a bit tragic. Not only is she not pregnant, and doesn't have any immediate plans to become pregnant, but she's thinking up baby names to the point where she's gasping, looking disappointed and yelping 'You can't do that!' when a friend who is actually pregnant mentions her favourite (and entirely ordinary) name as a possibility for a baby that is a few months away from actually being born?

Silly woman. If she mentions it again just say

"I'm miles ahead of you."

If she ever produces a baby you could give it a little stuffed tortoise toy.

Congratulations on your impending boy ... name it Miles if that's the name you love.

She needs to get over herself. She can name her child Miles as well (and you will be delighted for her!) or pick something else if she doesn't want to use the same name. Not your problem.

Sorry your voting was confusing - I voted YANBU but that means YANBU to feel awful - however I meant YABU to feel awful and YWNBU to call your baby Miles.

She’s not even moved in with her bf yet! If you didn’t use Miles now, there are a 1000 reasons she wouldn’t be able to either (e.g she never has a boy herself, she changes her mind and thinks of a name she prefers, she breaks up with her BF and then the person she does have a baby boy with has a family name that they have to use).

She might be a bit sad that you get the name first but that's just how it is. You are both obviously reasonable and realise you can both use the name.

My dad had two sisters, they had babies a year apart and both gave them the same name, it was a family name with strong sentimental connections. The first one always had a usual shortening of his name and the other used the full version so if it was James then the older one was Jim and the younger one was James. Never caused confusion or upset.

Might be a bit more awkward with Miles and I'm not sure you can shorten it but I'm sure it will be fine.

Congratulations on the baby.

YANBU but it would be nice of you to make it clear to your friend that you don't mind her using the name too and that it really isn't a big thing if they have the same name.

It’s absolutely fine for them to have the same name.

But out of all the boys’ names in the world, Miles is really it…..? I reckon you can come up with something better, OP.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

maybe your friend could go metric and call him Kilometres

I spat my tea out so far!

Fucking brilliant.

You're massively overthinking. Just call him Miles and she can call hers Miles too if she has one.