Me and DFriend share the love of the same baby name.

[PeppaNeedsToBeWrappedInBacon]

A while back when out with friends we were discussing whether I’d have a boy or girl this time (I’m 20 weeks pregnant) and then we got onto the subject of names.

I said for a boy we’re really struggling to find anything we like and the only name I think I like is Miles.

One of my Dfriends gasped with a “no, you can’t do that that’s the only name I like and that’s what I’m going to call ours if we have a boy!” (Planning to start trying for a baby once they’ve moved out together) - she was quite serious and I laughed it off and said I’d probably have another girl anyway and not to worry.

Anyway, it’s a boy. We still only really like Miles so far although plenty of time to find more names.

We went out for food recently and the name question came up again, from Dfriend and I jokingly said “oh you don’t want to know!” And she asked if it was Miles, she looked genuinely quite disappointed but quickly said “they’ll have to have the same name then, so don’t moan if I choose it too!” - although I wouldn’t care if she did end up having a boy with the same name I almost feel like I’ve taken it from her and feel quite bad, she’s such a lovely person who would do anything for anyone so I’m worried she’ll just put on a smile while resenting my choice.

I don’t think my questions is so much “would I be unreasonable to name my baby Miles knowing it’s her ‘the one’ name”

But more:

AIBU to feel awful despite me mentioning the name first, being pregnant with a boy before she’s even trying? It almost seems a bit over the top to claim a name before you’re pregnant unless it has some sort of significant or sentimental meaning.

She could have a girl,then her second child could be a girl.
Use the name! You're the one that's pregnant here and mentioned the name first.If she uses it too your ds will be a toddler and hers a newborn possibly.

Just to add when me and dB were kids he shared a name with my dm friends son.No biggie.They were referred to as Big John for the eldest and Little John for the youngest (not real name)

There were five Sams in DS’s class- all friends. Miles appears to be the 2021 version of Sam.

I know of 3 baby Miles now, in our small town, and two early teenage Myles (not sure why the spelling changed over 10 years).

Do you want to give your son an ‘in’ name which will go out of fashion and date him? Think Nigel, Dave, Colin etc….

Just another perspective; not judging either of you!

YABU to worry about this, YANBU to use the name. She may never have a boy and even if she does they won't be in the same school year (and probably not even in the same school). It's not even a particularly unusual name!

These threads are absolutely ridiculous. No one had intellectual property on a baby name.

My sister loved the name I gave my dog so she used it when she had her son. It's a great name.

@InTheNightWeWillWish

I had a girl name and a boy name picked out years before I started trying. My friend called her boy the name I had picked out. At a meter stage, after she’d had the baby but I still wasn’t trying, I told her that we’d originally we’d wanted that name. She had no issues with us using the same name, as nobody owns a name. She said it was obviously a great name. Don’t feel bad about using the name but if she wants to use it after, that’s still fine.

Now I’m actually 35 weeks pregnant and I don’t know if I want to use my original boy and girl names. I don’t know what we’re going to call this baby. So when she actually gets pregnant and she’s having a boy, she might not want the name anyway.

pretty much what happened with SIL3 and I. She named her DC6 the name I had in mind should I have another boy (I'd already had 4 boys but knew I wanted more kids. We'd always discussed names as we had 3pgs overlapping and I'm pretty sure we would have both listed it at some point, but neither of us called dibs or stated a strong preference. So when I heard newest nephew's name my first reaction was "damn, I wanted that". I even told her that (because we have that kind of relationship and we are not British so we can be just honest even to the point of being blunt without anyone getting butthurt) and she said "ok, we'll undo the baptism"🤣 She reassured me that she'd be happy if I picked the same name if there was a next time but we had too much of the John, Johnny, Little John, Big John, Uncle John situation growing up I wasn't keen.

when I was pg with DS5 I was watching a show that made me fell in love with a previously considered but overruled name so we picked that. and used nephew's name as a middle name.

As children my best friend and I both loved the same boys name. She called her son that name, I called my 3rd that name 12 years later. She has never commented, no one confuses them, they don't live near each other or mix in the same circles. I see very few of the people I knew when I was pregnant because life moves on.
This current obsession with having unique names is quite weird.. for most of the last thousand years, the same fairly limited number of names have been used without it being an issue. It's always very clear if I am referring to my son Bob or my friend's son Bob or the neighbour who is also Bob...
Don't not use a name you like because someone you know who is not even pregnant likes that name too. You might not even know her/be in the same area by the time she has a son. She might not have one at all.

She has already warned you she will use the same name if she has a boy. Unless that is an issue for you, crack on. She doesn't appear to be making a big deal out of it so neither should you, instead rejoice that you both have excellent choice.

No-one owns a name. You aren't being unreasonable to call your son Miles, and she wouldn't be unreasonable to name her future son Miles as well. This is especially true for manes which are reasonably popular. Combining Myles and Miles puts the name 61st in popularity and both spellings are rising.

Thanks everyone!

She hasn’t made an issue of it and hasn’t been unreasonable in the slightest; I just didn’t know how to feel as she’s obviously got her heart absolutely set on it while I just kind of thought it’s the nicest name I’ve found so far so ‘it will do’ - and the fact this friend is just too nice, I don’t want her to say “we can both use the name” when in reality she’s disappointed and won’t use it because I have, I don’t mind at all if they had the same name but I know some people prefer to pick names that they don’t have close by.

Now off to google more boys names until my head is scrambled

Good plan .

Hope you find something worthy of your baby!

@m1shap3

Name him Myles instead

But why should they?

Can’t stand it when people are so precious about things. Why does it even matter if they have the same name? It’s not a big deal at all! They won’t even be the same year at school if she’s not even pregnant

Yes YABU to feel bad..... You absolutely should name your child what you eant to name them!!

Hmm
Why does she get to decide that’s not ok for you to use it then decide it’s ok hypothetically) both kids will have the same name. Did she wonder what you think?

What if you declare fist boy wins the name lol

Wonder if her hypothetical child’s father gets a say.

Yes as we all know, no one owns a name anyhow.

You also have to remember people can be dead set on a name for years and then when pregnancy arrives they get doubts and go for something completely different or baby will arrive and they think oh he/she doesn't suit that name so if you want to use, just go for it she could always change her mind and you might be sad you didn't use it.

@WhatAWasteOfOranges - no one is being precious about them having the same name here? I’m happy for them to have the same name, and she’s said the same; my point is, is whether I believe her when she says she doesn’t mind them having the same name.

She is being ridiculous. She's not even pregnant.

Miles is not a great baby name imo. The piss take potential is massive

This current obsession with having unique names is quite weird.. for most of the last thousand years, the same fairly limited number of names have been used without it being an issue. It's always very clear if I am referring to my son Bob or my friend's son Bob or the neighbour who is also Bob...

The tradition was you named after your father, mother, grandfathers and grandmothers.

So doing a family tree where there is 10 siblings who each have at least 5 or 6 children can get pretty confusing, pretty quick! It doesn't help that often people went by completely different names to their actual name as a result!

Avoiding using family names and going unique definitely is a modern trend.

Well since she's not even pregnant you'd be mad to let that stop you! My friend had a favorite girl's name that she always wanted to use. She fell pregnant and found out she was having a girl. Told her sister her chosen name and her sister kicked off - wasn't even pregnant so very similar to your situation - and said that was the only name she liked etc etc. Friend agreed to choose something different. A year later, her sister falls pregnant, with a girl, and chooses a completely different name after all! Friend couldn't believe it! So definitely go for the name you want now as you don't know what will happen in the future and if the worst case scenario is that there are 2 little boys called Miles running around- that's not so bad at all really.

You both claim not to mind if you both have sons called Miles, so what's the problem?

@Butterfly7378

She is being ridiculous. She's not even pregnant.

You’re being ridiculous. She hasn’t said she minds OP using the name

@m1shap3

Name him Myles instead

Or miyilles