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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them I don't want her on my lap next time?

105 replies

Uriahsnose · 01/11/2021 14:22

I've spent a bit of time with my newish partner's family recently. They're all nice people and very accommodating to me, no issues there.

There's a little girl in the family aged 18 months ish.

Once about a month ago we'd all gone to a friend's and it got to about 11pm before we headed back home. Nobody was drunk but we'd all had a few drinks. Taxi back to where we were staying (different households) and little girl is on someone's lap. I didn't say anything but judgementally perhaps was clutching my pearls a bit-she should be in a car seat? And I don't like drinking around children as a rule anyway or keeping her out so late but not my child or for me to say anything.

However yesterday we'd all gone to a halloween party at a pub. Left reasonably early but as we got into the taxi family member says to little girl 'Sophie get on Uriahsnose's knee so there's room' and obviously that's fine normally, she's a lovely baby and I dont mind at all but I thought, if we had an accident and I'm forced forward I could really hurt her. I didn't like it and was nervous all the way back.

WIBU (and look like a judgmental oik) if I said to my partner that I am not comfortable with it for future-if I'd have hurt her (or worse :( ) I'd have never lived with myself?Even a sudden brake could cause an adult to lunge forwards and my weight could crush her.

Should I tell them they need to put her in a seat anyway? None of my business?Is it different with taxis? I'm not a parent. I am on this site due to having had a large hand in raising my ex's but they were older and past car-seat height.

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 01/11/2021 14:23

In taxis kids don't have to be in car seats.

But if you aren't comfortable holding her then YANBU, but keep the focus on that and not everything else as you will come across judgemental

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/11/2021 14:25

I would hate this and would refuse to get into a car with a small child who is not in an appropriate seat. I would have said something at the time though - "no, she cant sit on my knee. where is her carseat?"

Its completely unacceptable for small children to ride unrestrained in cars pending an actual emergency.

Maybe speak to your partner and insist on you and he making your own way to and from get togethers.

Lemonsyellow · 01/11/2021 14:25

You absolutely should refuse to have her on your knee. It’s very dangerous, as you’ve said. There are, I think, different rules for taxis, though. Do the parents have a car seat?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/11/2021 14:27

In taxis kids don't have to be in car seats

Which is, frankly, a ridiculous rule. Unless it's a large "black cab" type where the buggy itself fits in whole, then parents should not be taking small children in taxis on laps. Physics doesnt "not apply" just because you are in a car driven by a taxi driver.

Sally872 · 01/11/2021 14:28

Not sure on the law but have small child on lap strapped in if no car seat. Not ideal but I think lap makes the child in a better position for seatbelt than on their own seat without carseat.

Obviously not ideal and car seat is best. I wouldn't say anything about child being on lap of their own parent, but yanbu to say not your lap.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/11/2021 14:30

Not sure on the law but have small child on lap strapped in if no car seat. Not ideal but I think lap makes the child in a better position for seatbelt than on their own seat without carseat

Are you suggesting the belt goes around both the adult and the child? This would kill a child in a crash - they would be crushed between the belt and the adult.

SparrowNest · 01/11/2021 14:31

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I agree in theory, but a couple of times I’ve had literally no choice but to get a taxi with my two year old when public transport has been cancelled unexpectedly, we would have been stranded otherwise. And you can’t lug a toddler car seat around.

If you’re not a driver you really are at the mercy of the public transport system.

Sirzy · 01/11/2021 14:31

I am amazed any taxi driver took more people than they had seats for!

dementedpixie · 01/11/2021 14:33

@Sally872

Not sure on the law but have small child on lap strapped in if no car seat. Not ideal but I think lap makes the child in a better position for seatbelt than on their own seat without carseat.

Obviously not ideal and car seat is best. I wouldn't say anything about child being on lap of their own parent, but yanbu to say not your lap.

You should never ever put the belt round both the child and adult. There is an exemption for taxis so they don't need to be in a carseat
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/11/2021 14:33

[quote SparrowNest]@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I agree in theory, but a couple of times I’ve had literally no choice but to get a taxi with my two year old when public transport has been cancelled unexpectedly, we would have been stranded otherwise. And you can’t lug a toddler car seat around.

If you’re not a driver you really are at the mercy of the public transport system.[/quote]
I did say baring an emergency. Being stranded with no option of walking/ lift from a friend with a carseat / the taxi firm not having one would class as an emergency.

Sally872 · 01/11/2021 14:35

Should say "Have seen" not my child.

Sally872 · 01/11/2021 14:36

Hadn't thought of that. Luckily not happened often and not my child. The children are older now thankfully otherwise would have made parents aware.

SparrowNest · 01/11/2021 14:37

I forgot to respond to the actual OP: you aren’t being unreasonable. It’s the parents’ risk to take, and they should be the ones directly responsible.

Original poster
Uriahsnose · 01/11/2021 14:39

Thanks all. I can catastrophise sometimes or be a bit of a 'worst case scenario' thinker.

Family are babysitting, not with parent.

Thanks about taxis, I didn't know.

OP posts:
Laiste · 01/11/2021 14:49

I did not know you don't have to use a kids car seat in a Taxi!

Another school day on MN!

SolasAnla · 01/11/2021 14:55

You need to ask your partner to agree to not traveling in a family group any more.

LaetitiaASD · 01/11/2021 14:55

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

In taxis kids don't have to be in car seats

Which is, frankly, a ridiculous rule. Unless it's a large "black cab" type where the buggy itself fits in whole, then parents should not be taking small children in taxis on laps. Physics doesnt "not apply" just because you are in a car driven by a taxi driver.

Yeah, but they all drive so carefully and considerately... erm...
NoYOUbekind · 01/11/2021 14:58

It's not illegal to be in a taxi without a car seat as others have said, however when my DS was small that meant always getting a black cab, keeping him in the buggy and using the wheelchair space with the belt around the buggy.

Lazypuppy · 01/11/2021 15:00

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

In taxis kids don't have to be in car seats

Which is, frankly, a ridiculous rule. Unless it's a large "black cab" type where the buggy itself fits in whole, then parents should not be taking small children in taxis on laps. Physics doesnt "not apply" just because you are in a car driven by a taxi driver.

I'm not saying its right, but pointing out to OP not to mention that as they are allowed to travel if the parents/carers are happy to take risk. Certainly doesn't mean she should be holding the child.

pompomsgalore · 01/11/2021 15:00

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

In taxis kids don't have to be in car seats

Which is, frankly, a ridiculous rule. Unless it's a large "black cab" type where the buggy itself fits in whole, then parents should not be taking small children in taxis on laps. Physics doesnt "not apply" just because you are in a car driven by a taxi driver.

No but reality applies and not everyone lives in your world where car seats are to hand for every journey. Some people don't have car seats or own cars or just take very few car journeys. There has to be some flexibility in the law.
SausageSizzle · 01/11/2021 15:03

Yes, there is an exception for taxis. Because it's impractical to carry around a car seat.

Safest thing for a child that age in a taxi is to be strapped into their own seat (not the middle) and a clip used to lower the seat belt so that it secures the child relatively safely, even without a car seat. I used a clip like this for my own DS when we were going in lots of taxis on holiday (although he was older...around 3)

If your partner's relatives travel with the child often in a taxi, maybe suggest they buy one of these clips. It's not as good as a car seat but better than nothing.

Artie30 · 01/11/2021 15:04

Babies, toddlers and Kids do not have to be in car seats in taxis I believe, which is crazy but I guess people don't carry car seats around with them. Nothing to say parents of the little girl couldn't bring a car seat along to use if they knew they'd be getting a taxi though. I definitely wouldn't let mine ride in a car taxi or not without a car seat!

Snowisfallinghere · 01/11/2021 15:09

YANBU, it's absolutely irresponsible and I wouldn't want to be involved with that at all. Cars are a lethal means of transport, my husband and I alone have several friends and family members who have died in car accidents. To have an infant travel in such a dangerous means of transport with no car seat to protect them is massively negligent.

Think of all the small risky things that people ask "is this okay" on MN - can I leave my 5 year old unattended at home for 5 mins, can I leave my 3 year old asleep in a hotel room while I eat dinner in the restaurant, can a 4 year old be left on their own in a bath, etc. This is far riskier, more neglectful, and more likely to end in death, than any of those things.

Snowisfallinghere · 01/11/2021 15:14

@pompomsgalore I don't think there should be that much flexibility though. In a genuine emergency e.g. health emergency, imminent childbirth sure. But pretty much any other situation then it should be a firm no. Other than genuine emergency there's no excuse to put a child at that level of risk. People should plan ahead better or ask the taxi company to provide a seat. Don't take your child somewhere that you might not be able to get back from safely.

girlmom21 · 01/11/2021 15:14

Next time you could suggest you and DP get a separate taxi so that there's at least a seat for the toddler to have a seatbelt? That way you can say "stop being dickheads" without offending anyone.

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