To tell them I don't want her on my lap next time?

[Uriahsnose]

I've spent a bit of time with my newish partner's family recently. They're all nice people and very accommodating to me, no issues there.

There's a little girl in the family aged 18 months ish.

Once about a month ago we'd all gone to a friend's and it got to about 11pm before we headed back home. Nobody was drunk but we'd all had a few drinks. Taxi back to where we were staying (different households) and little girl is on someone's lap. I didn't say anything but judgementally perhaps was clutching my pearls a bit-she should be in a car seat? And I don't like drinking around children as a rule anyway or keeping her out so late but not my child or for me to say anything.

However yesterday we'd all gone to a halloween party at a pub. Left reasonably early but as we got into the taxi family member says to little girl 'Sophie get on Uriahsnose's knee so there's room' and obviously that's fine normally, she's a lovely baby and I dont mind at all but I thought, if we had an accident and I'm forced forward I could really hurt her. I didn't like it and was nervous all the way back.

WIBU (and look like a judgmental oik) if I said to my partner that I am not comfortable with it for future-if I'd have hurt her (or worse :( ) I'd have never lived with myself?Even a sudden brake could cause an adult to lunge forwards and my weight could crush her.

Should I tell them they need to put her in a seat anyway? None of my business?Is it different with taxis? I'm not a parent. I am on this site due to having had a large hand in raising my ex's but they were older and past car-seat height.

What kind of scum drag a baby out to a pub, drinking at friends and then don't give a toss about that poor child's safety.

@rainbowunicorn

What kind of scum drag a baby out to a pub, drinking at friends and then don't give a toss about that poor child's safety.

Couldn't agree more - this family sound rough as arseholes. This taxi issue will be the last of your worries if you stay in the relationship.

NSPCC website- signs of parental abuse

1. mental and psychological illness
2. an increasingly chaotic and unpredictable lifestyle
3. domestic abuse
4. children taking responsibility for the care of their parents or siblings
5. parents struggling to recognise and meet their children's needs.

I'd say they are borderline 2 and 5. The car seat situation is a symptom cause by the poor decision to taking your baby out late at night while you are all drinking, can no one have a wee night off and get the baby to bed? Or be a driver and make sure the baby is safely in their car seat? I guess for a one off family wedding or something its not ideal but a habitual bi/monthly trip? All these kids in the paper that have been hurt by their parents and every one says was there no signs? Why did no one notice? I'm not judgemental of parents who need a night out but take turns or get a baby sitter. I wouldn't be part of this set up.

I'm with you OP I wouldn't like any of it. Surely one of them should be sober enough to drive if they've got an 18 month old with them? We never took my DS' to parties and got drunk.

No way I'd have her on my lap, I'd probably make my own way home without them.

@Sally872

Not sure on the law but have small child on lap strapped in if no car seat. Not ideal but I think lap makes the child in a better position for seatbelt than on their own seat without carseat.

Obviously not ideal and car seat is best. I wouldn't say anything about child being on lap of their own parent, but yanbu to say not your lap.

DO NOT DO THIS.

If you hold a child on your lap with the seatbelt around the two of you, any time you are forced against the seatbelt by a crash or sudden stop you will crush the child between you and the belt. It is incredibly dangerous.

A child under 3 who travels in a vehicle without a child seat should travel in the rear seat and without a belt around them at all.

See www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

@LaetitiaASD I find your comment VERY Offensive I am a Female Taxi Driver and have been for Many Years and I certainly dont drive like a "StereoTypical Taxi Driver"

Taxi Drivers donot have too Legally Carry Car Seats although some do
in the Area I work we are advised too say too Customers if you want too travel with a Baby/Toddler/Child on your lap then please strap yourself in and then hold child on your Lap Donot strap yourself and child in together

Poor little baby!

Addie lee taxis service has children carseats built into their normal seats.

Offer to stay home and babysit next time?

I didn't own a car but had a car seat for my baby over 25 years ago. Some taxi drivers tutted a bit about the time it took to fix it in but some actually got out and fixed it in.

Thank you all.
I do think that would sound a bit weird as it was party for kids (stayig home babysitting) and I hardly know the family or the child. I'd have much preferred it though truth be told. No the family members aren't my partner's parents, nor the parents of the child, they just always seem to be looking after the child whenever Ive visited.

It's another thread perhaps but I really don't like events like that anyway, so I was quite stressed and bored all day. I don't like just sitting about drinking-I like a drink! but not in that scenario, I am not being a snob I don't think I just think there's nicer things to do during the day.
I agree, beseen but I don't feel I am in a position to comment. It's not my child (or theirs!) and I think some resentment may build if one of them had to stay home, that's probably the reason why she's taken everywhere with them but I agree it's not right. Am I being a snob. I don't think she should be out so late, I don't think It's right at all and I don't enjoy things like that either.

They do look after her well in other ways, they don't seem to get 'drunk' and they clearly dote on her. it's massively different to how I was raised or how kids amongst my family are now. We're all in our forties or thereabouts.

@mumda

Offer to stay home and babysit next time?

I didn't own a car but had a car seat for my baby over 25 years ago. Some taxi drivers tutted a bit about the time it took to fix it in but some actually got out and fixed it in.

Why on earth should she?

amiafreakofnature Yes there is that I guess I go to see my partner, to spend time with him, I don't mind being around his family although I'd prefer us by ourselves, but I wouldnt think it normal to nominate me, the visitor, as the babysitter (although I'd probably prefer it at least on some of the occasions) .

They sound like the kind of people if you ever did offer that child would be at your place more than you were! Like Dave and Denise from the Royle family

@amiafreakofnature

They sound like the kind of people if you ever did offer that child would be at your place more than you were! Like Dave and Denise from the Royle family

I absolutely loved that programme! 'Can baby David stay here on Friday' 'Oh yes, what time 'til?'

'Til Monday?'

Im just not their sort of person I suppose. I love being with my partner bt sitting in a loud, packed, noisy gastropub all day getting drunk is just no my idea of fun. I am boring I suppose.

I only read you first post OP and as a mother I would have refused to have any child on my lap.
it's against the law because it's dangerous and could be fatal.

you are not judgy or judgemental. your instict was right.
speak to your partner and refuse it next time like the responsible adult you are.

I can't believe the driver allowed it. It's his responsibility to make sure every passenger is strapped and child seat are used & correctly installed, as per Highway Code.

Has anyone actually taken a car seat out with them for the day to use in a taxi? I did it once and it was a total pain in the arse, you literally have to lug the massive heavy thing around that’s so heavy you can’t actually push a pram or carry your baby! Car seats aren’t needed on any public transport for adults or babies, busses, trains, trams etc… obviously a car and car seat are the safest but it’s a stretch to call taking a baby in a taxi neglect!

I don't think there should be that much flexibility though. In a genuine emergency e.g. health emergency, imminent childbirth sure. But pretty much any other situation then it should be a firm no. Other than genuine emergency there's no excuse to put a child at that level of risk. People should plan ahead better or ask the taxi company to provide a seat. Don't take your child somewhere that you might not be able to get back from safely.

That’s the problem though. There does need to be leeway for emergencies but how is a cab driver to know what is an emergency and what is not. I guess a rule, if they are taking a child to a hospital or GP but? It’s putting the onus on the dab driver to assess what falls under emergency situation and I imagine there will be many tall tales told by parents.

both you and partner together could offer to stay at base and babysit ?

We could in certain scenarios but I think partner enjoys these sorts of events, and not this most recent one as it was specifically for children anyway.

Can’t you just order a cab with a car seat?
It might be a longer wait but you know when your leaving roughly or can organise yourself stop.
Where I am they are often in the boot or if you order a cab from the depo they will send one out.

We have once taken a cab with my oldest DD (then 2.5) Without a car seat but it was from the airport to the hotel after a flight was cancelled last minute (after hours of delay) and DD had broken her leg on holiday, it was an emergency but a regular thing.

@Lily78123

This seems absolutely bonkers to me but then again I wouldn’t even want my 3 year old going in a taxi (with a car seat), because they tend to drive like mentalists.

like mentalists

🤣
you mean con-artists/magicians who pretend to have psychic abilities and appear to have extraordinary mental skills?
Do they say stuff like "don't tell me your address, I'm getting a B. is the letter B significant to you?" then drive as if they could predict when the lights change to green??

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba
You could asume it’s the magician meaning or actually look in the dictionary to see that mentalist also holds the meaning of:

*an eccentric or mad person.

I wouldn't carry her either. My sister in law has always been lax with car seats and would let her oldest travel without a lot...I wouldn't take her in my car,she soon got the message. There is a portable car seat www.halfords.com/baby-and-child/car-seats/booster-seats/bubblebum-inflatable-booster-seat-black-575078.html
I got her this as a "present" when they went to florida..it was used,think you have to be a toddler though

[quote Lily78123]@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba
You could asume it’s the magician meaning or actually look in the dictionary to see that mentalist also holds the meaning of:

*an eccentric or mad person.[/quote]
@Lily78123

I'm fully aware of the other meaning and knew what you meant but the fact that despite the use of a 🤣 emoji you didn't menage to recognise that I was kidding is just fascinating.

I'm sorry you have no sense of humour