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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them I don't want her on my lap next time?

105 replies

Uriahsnose · 01/11/2021 14:22

I've spent a bit of time with my newish partner's family recently. They're all nice people and very accommodating to me, no issues there.

There's a little girl in the family aged 18 months ish.

Once about a month ago we'd all gone to a friend's and it got to about 11pm before we headed back home. Nobody was drunk but we'd all had a few drinks. Taxi back to where we were staying (different households) and little girl is on someone's lap. I didn't say anything but judgementally perhaps was clutching my pearls a bit-she should be in a car seat? And I don't like drinking around children as a rule anyway or keeping her out so late but not my child or for me to say anything.

However yesterday we'd all gone to a halloween party at a pub. Left reasonably early but as we got into the taxi family member says to little girl 'Sophie get on Uriahsnose's knee so there's room' and obviously that's fine normally, she's a lovely baby and I dont mind at all but I thought, if we had an accident and I'm forced forward I could really hurt her. I didn't like it and was nervous all the way back.

WIBU (and look like a judgmental oik) if I said to my partner that I am not comfortable with it for future-if I'd have hurt her (or worse :( ) I'd have never lived with myself?Even a sudden brake could cause an adult to lunge forwards and my weight could crush her.

Should I tell them they need to put her in a seat anyway? None of my business?Is it different with taxis? I'm not a parent. I am on this site due to having had a large hand in raising my ex's but they were older and past car-seat height.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 01/11/2021 15:16

Just remember that if you get married this would happen to your children.

Speak up now.

AngeloMysterioso · 01/11/2021 15:17

They’re forcing you to be responsible for the safety of someone else’s child, and that’s not right. If there’d been some awful accident and she’d been badly hurt or died, you’d have to live with that for the rest of your life- nobody should be putting you in that position.

SausageSizzle · 01/11/2021 15:18

The situations in which people are reliant on taxis aren't situations in which they're likely to have a car seat handy.

I once ended up on the motorway in a rail replacement coach with my 2 year old after our train was cancelled halfway due to flooding on the line. No car seats available, it was 11pm and we'd already been delayed several hours. I ended up removing the buggy seat and wedging it between the coach seats so he was rearward facing and securing it using the (completely inadequate) 2 point seatbelt. Sometimes you just have to do your best.

EnidFrighten · 01/11/2021 15:18

Here are the actual rules on taxis and car seats
www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

*Taxis and minicabs (private hire vehicles)

If the driver doesn’t provide the correct child car seat, children can travel without one - but only if they travel on a rear seat:

and wear an adult seat belt if they’re 3 or older
without a seat belt if they’re under 3*

In practice I would call a minicab company and ask if they have a child seat. Going in a cab without a car seat might be ok in an emergency but as a regular occurence, it's not right.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 01/11/2021 15:19

The taxi thing as a one of or so is fine. If getting drunk and dragging an 18 month old until late and having her on a lap in a taxi is a regular occurrence then I would be horrified and 1) it would put me off the people and 2) I would not be having the poor baby on my lap! YANBU

Vispa · 01/11/2021 15:23

In the UK a child under 3 can travel in a taxi without a carseat, but they must be sat on a rear seat with NO seat belt (over 3's should use the seat belt). As you said having a child on your lap is incredibly dangerous as you would crush them in an accident. However, I cannot understand why anyone would ever (plan ahead) to travel in a taxi and not bother with a carseat- accidents are no less fatal just because its a taxi - why take the risk? We once had a taxi booked to take us from the airport to the train station, and had booked (and double checked to confirm) they would provide a carseat (it's the reason we used that company). Well, they turned up without a carseat, and we flatly refused to get it unless they provided one. (They eventually did after a mega standoff). I would have rather missed the train home (a journey of several hours) than risked my dds life on busy roads with no carseat, even it if was legal...

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

MrsColon · 01/11/2021 15:26

If there's not room for the child to have a seat (without a seatbelt since she's under 3) then don't get in the taxi and say you'll get another one so there's space.

It's terribly unsafe for a child to strapped in with an adult, if there's an accident the child may well be killed by the adult. Even in an emergency stop situation you could damage the child's organs.

Your DP's family are dickheads if they condone this - are you sure you want to be involved with him?

TheLastSpookyBakedBeanSaysBoo · 01/11/2021 15:37

There are rules in place for emergencies eg. Injured child no ambulance for hours, fleeing domestic violence, parent in labour. This is not an unplanned journey or an emergency they have set out to take the child home in a taxi like this.
When my DC were younger I used to take them out in a travel system with detachable car seat, with a small booster seat underneath when taking an older DC too, just in case I needed to get an emergency cab, because our public transport could sometimes be unreliable. There are ways to mitigate risk, but this seems pretty reckless to me.

Irishfarmer · 01/11/2021 15:37

I'd just say I'm a bit stiff can she sit you your lap to the childs parent.

As for those saying about bringing a car seat/ they should have to be in a seat in a taxi, the law is the same here (no car seat needed). Of course it is safer if a child is in a car seat, but if it became mandatory I think a lot of taxis would just "not have a car seat available" why would they want to fill up their boot with a seat they only need for one run, which then may mean they can't do a supermarket run, or station/ airport. It would leave people who don't have cars without a means of getting around, public transport is non existent where I live and I'm sure people who live in urban areas with good public transport sometimes need to use taxis for various reasons, emergency or not.

Just10moreminutesplease · 01/11/2021 15:38

I had no idea that taxis were exempt from car seat rules. That’s ridiculous and I would never agree to have any child on my lap in a moving vehicle… imagine having to live with the memory if you crashed?!

You can’t stop them from doing it but you absolutely can tell them you’re not having her on your knee.

Fraine · 01/11/2021 15:42

YANBU, they were rude to assume you would want a child on your lap.

What was on their laps?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/11/2021 15:45

Family are babysitting, not with parent

Do the parents know the little one is travelling on laps? I'd want someone to tell me if they saw my dc in this situation.

It shows a serious lack of judgement on the "babysitters" part.

MinnieMountain · 01/11/2021 15:49

I’d have refused to do it.
They should have had a car seat.

Since both sound like planned, one place trips it would be easy enough to take a car seat and bung it in a corner at the friends’ house/pub. We don’t have a car so we do that all the time. The number of (pre-booked) taxi drivers who say we don’t need one is surprising.

FictionalCharacter · 01/11/2021 15:51

@SparrowNest

I forgot to respond to the actual OP: you aren’t being unreasonable. It’s the parents’ risk to take, and they should be the ones directly responsible.
This - they shouldn’t be just telling her to get on your knee. At the very least they should have asked you first.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/11/2021 15:57

“Sorry I’m not comfortable with that” should do it

Why on your lap and not theirs?

Whoever is in charge of the child makes the decision, but I wouldn’t want to be the one whose body crushed her in the event of a crash. She should at the very least be sitting on the seat with her own seat belt, but I guess you can’t force them to do that.

TataMamma · 01/11/2021 16:05

You don't have to use car seats in taxis, but be careful - you do with Uber and similar, although in practice they will often let you travel without this. I think it's for the parents to decide, but if you don't feel comfortable, then say so and opt out. That's not "wrong" at all!

RandomLondoner · 01/11/2021 16:07

Shouldn't the seat-belt the adult is wearing prevent them from being thrown forward?

ElephantOfRisk · 01/11/2021 16:09

I'm guessing OP was one of the firt into the taxi, child was handed in and that's why she was meant to get on OPs knee since that would allow others to get in.

In future, if you don't want to confront them, I'd just be one of the last people into the taxi so that that scenario didn't arise.

SausageSizzle · 01/11/2021 16:09

In a crash, an adult will fold forward. A child wearing the same seat belt is likely to be crushed.

Safest place is in their own seat,

amiafreakofnature · 01/11/2021 16:10

I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone with family who think it's normal for young babies to be out with adults drinking frequently but that's just me

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/11/2021 16:11

@RandomLondoner

Shouldn't the seat-belt the adult is wearing prevent them from being thrown forward?
Look at crash test dummy videos on YouTube.
diddl · 01/11/2021 16:11

@RandomLondoner

Shouldn't the seat-belt the adult is wearing prevent them from being thrown forward?
But wouldn't it crush the adult & child together?
diddl · 01/11/2021 16:12

I'm surprised that the taxi driver took you all-or is it just guidelines?

NellieBertram · 01/11/2021 16:25

Legally they don't need a car seat - risky/poor planning on the part of the parents but they are acting within the law.

Child needs their own seat though. I would absolutely refuse to have her on your lap.

Gonnagetgoing · 01/11/2021 16:33

I wouldn't mention the car seat but would say you didn't feel comfortable holding her and being responsible for her safety, if anything she should be with her own family member on their lap if no child car seat.