Night out from hell!!! - To be upset with dp

[Jestle]

Me and dp are young newly first time parents. For the second time in over two years we went out out. It was to a party. The party itself was abit of a let down but that's not the main issue. Around 10 I started crashing big time. I've been doing all the night wakes recently and dc gets me up at 5. Dp had managed to drink a crap load and kept coming up to me saying he was so drunk and needed to slow down only for me to find another drink in his hand minutes later.

He then got himself ridiculously drunk which was okay I guess until he decided he wanted to join everyone for some weed. Now, not to drip feed, my dp is an ex drug addict and we have been through hell and back with his drug taking. The last thing he cut out was weed. But I was very stressed during my pregnancy as I was constantly battling him that I didn't want him eating edibles or doing anything anymore when dc got here. Weed and drink would usually end up leading to more for him. Anyways he came clean and he has been fine until that night. I was shocked. Last time we was out he happily declined the offer but this time he accepted and not only that did it right infront of my face. He shared a spliff with eight other people (acting like covid isnt a thing) then eventually I managed to pull him away from the party (very reluctantly) as it was getting on and we had a baby at home. He then spent the whole night throwing up, tossing and turning and burping in my face.

I just felt so upset and disrespected by it all. He turned the night so sour for me. I found his behaviour highly childish and irresponsible. I get that we are young still and it's okay to let your hair down of course. But he had drunk about 10 beers or more, two shots and a cocktail. He was the most drunk person there. I just think he didnt know to get to that point to have fun. I kept reminding him that we have a baby to look after the next day so he had to make sure he could actually get up. Him smoking weed has me worried as well as it has been so long since he has clean but that night has shown me, although it was only a couple of puffs, that he clearly has that tendency there if given enough drinks. So how can I ever trust that if he goes out on a big night out he wont restart everything again?

This just isn't what I need right now. I have so much going on mentally and physically to be then overloaded with this. How did such seemingly such a good night on paper go so wrong.

It's not about telling him what he can and can't do it's about putting your own boundary in place, saying what you will or won't put up with. He can take as many drugs as he likes, but that doesn't mean there won't be consequences. Your not punishing him, it's not about blackmailing him into behaving himself, it's about protecting your child from the effects of living with his behaviour.

I dont think there is a future for you with DP.He sounds very very immature and has not taken the responsibility of having a child serious.I would prepare myself to end this relationship sooner rather then later.If you stay in this relationship it will be full of endless arguments and your child will grow up in an unpleasant environment.

An ex-addict going to a house party thrown by weed smoker after months of not going out was always going to be a recipe for disaster really.

YANBU to be upset by his behaviour but unfortunately this is the reality of living with an ex-addict. You either need to avoid situations like this with him or accept that he will relapse if faced with so much temptation and decide whether you still want a relationship with him.

he told me he started taking them at 14. I was shocked too. Apparently his friend ship group in secondary school started experimenting with them and then his boss in his first job got him on the heavy stuff and got him hooked

And his parents had absolutely no idea? Not an environment Ikd want to be raising my child in.

I think tonight's conversation should be you asking him what he thinks, and just calmly listening to his answers. You don't need to read him the riot act or tell him how it's going to be if he misbehaves, that's pointless. What you think and what you're priority has to be is clear, unambiguous and known already by both of you.
What is unclear given his choices last night is whether he actually understands he's an addict. If he does, does he understand what that means in terms of what situations he can put himself in safely. If he really was glad to have you as one of his few people who aren't into drugs does he really think he can inhabit both works without losing one of them given he seems unable to resist the temptations one offers and that will cause him to spoil his childs life. If his parents have no idea about any of this it is a big secret so he can pretend it's not real, but his nearest and dearest should know because then he will have fully accepted his own reality and they are better placed to influence him for the better. Should he be more open with people, friends and family so they don't tempt him without realising or is his image too important for that.
All those sorts of questions will tell you what you're dealing with. Then you can decide what to do. Trying to press him into shape is pointless so don't waste your breath. No nagging needed, no rules. Just clear answers and truth about where his choices will take him.

How do his parents not know the big secret yet live in the same house? What do they think was making him sick and unconscious on Sunday?

I was with one who was like this. 12 years later he had lost us our home and I was an emotionally and physically abused wreck and I finally got him to go. I remember the watching, the waiting, the butterflies in the tummy if alcohol was mentioned knowing that it would lead to days long drug binges which turned him into a monster.

Just leave. I wish I had, sooner