There isn’t always an OW

[BobLemon]

Clearly inspired by a recent thread, where there was a barrage of “he’s cheating” posts right away, I wanted to pop some ONS statistics here.

Interesting, and I agree that there's not always an OW but also none of that really means anything. I divorced my ex for his unreasonable behaviour but I also cheated on him three days before I asked him to leave. I'm sure there are plenty of other examples where cheating has occurred but it is much simpler to divorce for unreasonable behaviour.

Ermmmm….just divorce stats. My ex cheated and then divorced me for my unreasonable behaviour. So the existence of the other woman is not reflected in the statistics.

I know plenty who have filed for UR rather than adultery.

Interesting! One of our divorced friends had an OM (revealed after the split) but, as above examples, it was very much a symptom of an ending marriage rather than the cause of such.

Adultery is hard to prove without a clear admission.

I was a family solicitor I'm Scotland for twenty years pre children. I never raised one adultery divorce. Now yes our grounds of one and two year are less than England but, the costs in an adultery divorce far far outweighed the benefit.

When I started many years ago a senior solicitor said to me it is very rare a man will leave a woman without there being someone else in the wings, women will leave for all sorts of reasons. I have to say in my experience he was correct, perhaps two cases where he left for other reasons but usually, if he left, there was an OW.

"Adultery" requires a signed confession from the "doer" - legally, no other evidence is accepted. This proves difficult, as few adulterers want that recorded for posterity, therefore few will sign a confession statement.

Unsurprisingly, any adultery is therefore often simply included as one of the unreasonable behaviours cited in an "Unreasonable Behaviour petition, where you will find anything from "he refuses to do any cleaning at all" to "he was convicted of attempting to murder me".

It's a blunt instrument from which no reliable statistics can be derived.

You have to be able to prove adultery to be able to file for divorce for that reason. Just because you know about it it's not good enough. I knew about my ex-husband cheating on me but coz he was denying it I couldn't divorce him for it.

Well that's just married couples.. There's more unmarried than married.

And some don't put that it's adultery on the divorce papers even if it is.

Obviously, separations happened for a reasons and very likely someone else (OM or OW) was that reason or a trigger.

My understanding is that most people don't bother putting adultery on the actual divorce, because there's mostly no actual physical proof of it and therefore they have to go for unreasonable behaviour instead.

www.linnitts.co.uk/family-law/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

So those stats mean nothing.

There has to be an admission or a child's dna for a divorce on the grounds of adultery from what I read on another thread. Unreasonable behaviour is often just an easier option I think.

Sometimes there is another woman, other times another man, sometimes there is no infidelity. People separate for a variety of reasons, I know more people who split up because things just did not work out rather than anyone cheating.

I know of multiple marriages that ended because of cheating but I don’t know any that have that on the paperwork.

In fact of all the divorces I’ve heard chatted about, including cheating and two domestic violence ones, they all have unreasonable behaviour.

In fact in one case where I know the man cheated and hit her she allowed him to divorce her for unreasonable behaviour just to get it over with.

There could have been an OW in any of those scenarios.

It’s not because adultery isn’t listed as a reason for the divorce that there hasn’t been an OW….

@BobLemon

Interesting! One of our divorced friends had an OM (revealed after the split) but, as above examples, it was very much a symptom of an ending marriage rather than the cause of such.

Tbf that’s often the reason given by men who get an OW, get caught up and end up divorced.

The marriage was downhill blablabla (same shit that they give to the OW). Funny how so often the DW don’t know there was a problem in the first place. Or how those men haven’t made many attempts at sorting the issues out.

There is OM as well as OW.

It's just as common.

Those are only the reasons couples choose to give for their divorce. They don’t represent any kind of independent reality.

But if your point is just that some marriages end regardless of infidelity, that of course is true.

Oh Lady Margaret, you are naive.

I divorced my husband for 'unreasonable behaviour' for forming an intimate relationship with another woman, ie adultery.

@Againstmachine

There is OM as well as OW.

It's just as common.

Yes that much is true. The reality is that if many men have an OW then those women are likely to in a relationship themselves and for that man to be the OM…. I mean these women can’t all be single!

Yes that much is true.
The reality is that if many men have an OW then those women are likely to in a relationship themselves and for that man to be the OM….
I mean these women can’t all be single!

I'd hope so , as a single person I don't want anything to do with eithier of them.

Mine will be 2 years separation but there definitely was an OW.

Most go for unreasonable behaviour as there’s usually more than the affair.