Page 4 | There isn’t always an OW

BobLemon · 2021-10-31T16:34:49+00:00

Clearly inspired by a recent thread, where there was a barrage of “he’s cheating” posts right away, I wanted to pop some ONS statistics here.

dangermouseisace · 31/10/2021 21:20

My ex quite literally upped sticks and moved in with his girlfriend. I was advised not to have adultery as the reason, although it was, and instead put the adultery under “unreasonable behaviour”. This is because it pisses the other party off and just makes it more contentious. Plus, you don't want a judge dismissing your petition as insufficient grounds for divorce, so it's best to use multiple reasons, and adultery as one of those.

I still received a narky letter from his solicitor reprimanding me for mentioning the adultery at all (I didn't name his partner either).

Ostryga · 31/10/2021 21:24

Every single man I have known to have left a long term relationship or marriage is because of him cheating. Every single one in my many years.

It’s a wonder women marry men still!

isthismylifenow · 31/10/2021 21:32

@Ostryga

Every single man I have known to have left a long term relationship or marriage is because of him cheating. Every single one in my many years.

It’s a wonder women marry men still!

I have also just had a think and the exact same is the case here. And in every single case they are now living together. With my ex, she was also married. Our divorces and their divorce were filed the very same day....

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 01/11/2021 06:06

I was told by my solicitor that it's quite difficult to divorce someone on the grounds of adultery which is why most people go for 'unreasonable behaviour'

bembridge11 · 01/11/2021 06:09

I filed for unreasonable behaviour- but it was finding out about the OW that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Sometimes it is just easier to file under UR

frazzledasarock · 01/11/2021 06:11

There was an OW in my divorce too. But I divorced on unreasonable grounds as you need to know name and address of OW. And I really didn’t care or want to go diving for that I just wanted shot of him.

PurpleFlower1983 · 01/11/2021 06:11

My DH’s divorced his first wife for unreasonable behaviour but she had been shagging someone else, she didn’t want to be divorced for adultery.

HugeAckmansWife · 01/11/2021 06:35

My ex said if I didn't divorce him for adultery he would divorce me for unreasonable behaviour, citing me NOT divorcing him for adultery. He was desperate to move in with OW and make Al the nasty cheating business ancient history ASAP. I was going to name her to get her to pay some costs but agreed not to when he pleaded with me and agreed to pay my legal fees. You don't have to name them and I was told its less acrimonious that way but I would have done had he not covered costs. Why should I have had to incur ££££ for his behaviour?

Waahingwashingwashing · 01/11/2021 06:47

My divorce paperwork is 2 years no fault with agreement between us.

He cheated. But he didn’t want that in record. Nor did he want his unreasonable behaviour on record.

Your stats are meaningless.

KylieKoKo · 01/11/2021 11:53

@HugeAckmansWife

My ex said if I didn't divorce him for adultery he would divorce me for unreasonable behaviour, citing me NOT divorcing him for adultery. He was desperate to move in with OW and make Al the nasty cheating business ancient history ASAP. I was going to name her to get her to pay some costs but agreed not to when he pleaded with me and agreed to pay my legal fees. You don't have to name them and I was told its less acrimonious that way but I would have done had he not covered costs. Why should I have had to incur ££££ for his behaviour?

Do OW/OM really have to pay divorce costs? I did not know this and I think it seems a bit odd that someone would have to pay to dissolve a marriage that wasn't theres.

If this is the case then no wonder the stats are so low. I can't see many people agreeing to do this, I imagine that most would deny, and of course it's hard to prove.

KylieKoKo · 01/11/2021 11:53

*theirs not theres.

HugeAckmansWife · 01/11/2021 13:04

Not a lot, just a portion of the court costs. Solicitors fees are what cost a fortune. It may have been my marriage but it was her and ex's affair that broke it so in my mind the associated costs of that break should not be borne by me.

KylieKoKo · 01/11/2021 13:19

@HugeAckmansWife

Not a lot, just a portion of the court costs. Solicitors fees are what cost a fortune. It may have been my marriage but it was her and ex's affair that broke it so in my mind the associated costs of that break should not be borne by me.

I understand why you feel that way @HugeAckmansWife I was just surprised that someone who did not enter the contract (marriage) would be held legally responsible for the fees of ending it.

You learn something new every day!

Cas112 · 01/11/2021 13:51

You only get 6 months to cite adultery in divorce proceedings a lot of couples try to make it work and learn they cant get over it. So once that six months have passed they tend to cite unreasonable behaviour. As well as other reasons they might not want to put adultery down.