* His closeness to daughter (not dad - autocorrect!!)

[AmyFarrah]

Ok, is this too much with dd or Aibu?

My partner lives 3hrs away with his dd. She is nearly 18. No mum.

He was on the phone to me last night as dd and her friends were getting ready to go clubbing. Lots of laughter and usual excitement in background. Then a pause while he was called away to help with something. Comes back saying he had to help attach stockings to suspenders.

I did ask couldn't they do each other's but apparently they couldn't work it out. He later shares a pic of dd and two friends all ready to go.

He then says he has such an 'a-sexual' relationship with dd it's great. They can talk about anything 'even spots on her bum'. He applies her fake tan, helps her dye her hair etc.

Naturally without her mum (4 years ago she died) he is very close with her.

But in the pic of them ready it's not Dd wearing suspenders, it's one of her friends (who is 18)

I don't have daughters, two teenage sons.

Obvs the distance doesn't help, any concerns I have are made and dealt with over the phone.

But before I say anything, Aibu to think at this age this physical closeness to dd and her friends is inappropriate?

Thank you

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

Does he maybe mean genderless (ie not following gender stereotypes) but he’s wrongly used the word asexual? Because on the surface it sounds creepy, but is it possible he’s just mixed up the terms?

Genderless could be exactly what he meant.

@Holly60 I think you're spot on. You have exactly captured how this is, and how I wish I'd seen this before.

Many kind words here and lots that is calling me out on deeper stuff about me, and bigger than this thread but good to realise and start to face.

He uses synonyms slightly incorrectly a lot, and I'll think about all of this from a different perspective, and see how I feel.

So my own conclusion is IABU and insecure. Thank you x

@PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside

I don't think teenage girls actually wear suspender belts and stockings any more, OP.

Are you sure he's not imagining it?

Someone certainly is.

If it feels odd to you, then trust your instincts.
I once knew a guy whose sister did some glamour modelling..he had her photos on the back of his bathroom door. She more or less raised him and he just adored her and genuinely didn’t understand why I found it strange
I think boundaries get blurred in some circumstances and I agree that describing your relationship with your own child as asexual is odd. I couldn’t imagine referring to the relationship I have with my kids in such a way..nor having photos of my half naked sibling on my bathroom door.

Like I say…if it seems odd to you, trust your instincts.