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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ghosted now back!

89 replies

Leonardo87 · 31/10/2021 08:02

Hey guy

I matched with a guy in January of this year on Hinge, I do not remember too much about it but I definately had his number and we had made loose plans to go for a walk date or whatever since it was Pandemic. I remember messaging him to confirm plans with no reply and literally just forgot about it.

The past year I have really glowed up - inside and out, therapy and daily gym. My mother thought I had work done 🤣 I lost 10kg and have been having facials and regular salon visits, all in all its been a much needed break from serious dating and glow up.

I rejoins Hinge yesterday and low and behold the guy from January messages me - ‘In my infinite stupidity I did not take you for drinks last time we matched. It was during the pandemic in January and nothing was open. Will you let me make it up to you by taking you on a date?’

Of note my profile looks very different with my new look this time around.

OLD is awash with chancers - do not want to fully write him off but cannot have this nagging feeling if he has ghosted once and I am back now looking like a smokeshow he is just an immature shallow moron. AIBU no think about not giving him a second shot?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/10/2021 08:04

Maybe just don’t reply? He was happy enough to leave you hanging.

Itsbeen84yearss · 31/10/2021 08:06

Next. He’ll do the same thing, glow up or not

TabithaTiger · 31/10/2021 08:07

You've got nothing to lose by going on a date with him. January was a weird time with lockdown, etc. It doesn't hurt to give him a chance, but keep your guard up and no second chances!!

Notthisnotthat · 31/10/2021 08:07

Don't reply, you can do much better.

Sparklesocks · 31/10/2021 08:11

He’s shown that he’s capable of ghosting so he’d likely do it again. Even if he’d made a mistake last time he would’ve apologised and messaged afterwards but he was perfectly happy to ignore you and leave you hanging. I wouldn’t bother with him.

FreedomFaith · 31/10/2021 08:12

Do you really want a guy who has literally gone 'wow she looks so much better, I'll actually talk to her now'?

Of course not. If you for some reason did gain weight again while with him, he'll likely dump you or cheat on you.

Just don't reply. He's not worth it and getting rejected will just mean he'll say nasty things to you to make himself feel better.

CaptaNoctem · 31/10/2021 08:12

I’d ignore him.

At best he’s unreliable which is not good long term partner material. At least he showed his true colours from the start.

Cuntness · 31/10/2021 08:16

Know your worth, OP.

Pottedpalm · 31/10/2021 08:21

Nope. Ignore him. Why would you get involved with someone who has shown his true colours before you even met! There are so many threads on here where the OP has ignored the signs and wondered why they are cherished or valued in their relationships.

Pottedpalm · 31/10/2021 08:22

*NOT cherished or valued

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 08:24

I'd respond to him and make it clear why you're not interested to be honest. Hopefully that'll make him think twice before doing it to someone else.

OnlyClothes · 31/10/2021 08:26

I’d go, why not? You’re not agreeing to marry him.

DarlingCoffee · 31/10/2021 08:27

I would give him a second chance OP

traka · 31/10/2021 08:30

Something better came along so he dropped you. Right now he hasn't got anything going on so he's reappeared

Beachcomber74 · 31/10/2021 08:31

He writes well! Go for it.

jetadore · 31/10/2021 08:33

Ignore. Great “what goes around comes around” opportunity for you here OP. Ghost the fucker back.

Bokky · 31/10/2021 08:33

I'd go. A friend of mine was given a second chance by a man she ghosted and now they're blissfully happy and talking about getting married.

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 31/10/2021 08:35

So many polarised responses! I am in two minds…

OP posts:
pictish · 31/10/2021 08:39

I’d not, simply because you’re not always going to be ‘glowing’ are you?
If he wasn’t fussed for you before…

OnlyClothes · 31/10/2021 08:39

If you ghost him then in my mind you’re playing games.

You liked him presumably, January was lockdown, he’s asked you again, go, chat, have a good time then decide whether or not to see him again based on that, not on the fact there wasn’t anything to do in January.

LondonWolf · 31/10/2021 08:40

Things were very difficult back then. Such a lot of effort and planning involved for even the simplest meet up. Lots of people felt low and dreary and maybe just not up to it.

I’d give him another chance.

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 31/10/2021 08:42

TBH I think we had exchanged a couple of messages and it was very loose plans - I cannot even really remember it. I think we had said about meeting on a Friday but it was so vague and not formal - so I remember when I texted to confirm I was not surprised at the lack of reply.

OP posts:
GraceandFrankie · 31/10/2021 08:42

No, don’t. OLD was full of men like that when I used to use it - would disappear because someone more exciting caught their attention and then would come back when it didn’t work. Don’t be option B.

JustLyra · 31/10/2021 08:45

I wouldn’t because after every date I’d end up wondering if he was going to do it again.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 31/10/2021 08:50

IGNORE

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