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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ghosted now back!

89 replies

Leonardo87 · 31/10/2021 08:02

Hey guy

I matched with a guy in January of this year on Hinge, I do not remember too much about it but I definately had his number and we had made loose plans to go for a walk date or whatever since it was Pandemic. I remember messaging him to confirm plans with no reply and literally just forgot about it.

The past year I have really glowed up - inside and out, therapy and daily gym. My mother thought I had work done 🤣 I lost 10kg and have been having facials and regular salon visits, all in all its been a much needed break from serious dating and glow up.

I rejoins Hinge yesterday and low and behold the guy from January messages me - ‘In my infinite stupidity I did not take you for drinks last time we matched. It was during the pandemic in January and nothing was open. Will you let me make it up to you by taking you on a date?’

Of note my profile looks very different with my new look this time around.

OLD is awash with chancers - do not want to fully write him off but cannot have this nagging feeling if he has ghosted once and I am back now looking like a smokeshow he is just an immature shallow moron. AIBU no think about not giving him a second shot?

OP posts:
OhWhyNot · 31/10/2021 13:24

Seriously you would give him another chance are you not worth more than that

Ignite and Move on he had someone else on the go and you were in the wings

Sadly often the case but when they make it clear why hang around

OhWhyNot · 31/10/2021 13:25

Ignore

Not ignite 😬 that’s a bit of an over reaction

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 31/10/2021 13:31

@OhWhyNot

Ignore

Not ignite 😬 that’s a bit of an over reaction

🔥🔥🔥🔥 alot of the OLD men do deserve that to be fair.
OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 31/10/2021 13:58

@OnlyClothes

If you ghost him then in my mind you’re playing games.

You liked him presumably, January was lockdown, he’s asked you again, go, chat, have a good time then decide whether or not to see him again based on that, not on the fact there wasn’t anything to do in January.

It's not playing games to choose not to respond to someone who is playing games.

Neither is it ghosting.

ChargingBuck · 31/10/2021 14:06

@Sn0tnose

I definitely wouldn’t even bother replying.

It was irrelevant whether anything was open because you hadn’t made loose plans to go out for drinks. You’d made loose plans to go for a walk. Which doesn’t necessitate any businesses being open.

If he wasn’t really feeling it, that’s absolutely fine. But he knew that you’d messaged him to firm up plans and he purposely ignored you. And now he considers you to be more attractive, he expects you to be grateful for his crumbs? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Spot-on, @Sn0tnose.

Plus despair at the PP who reckons as the bloke writes well, OP should give him a chance ...
FFS what he wrote was calculatedly, as another PP observed, "Richard Curtis film", & his 'excuse' is bullshit.

So he's not just a ghoster, but a liar, & intentional manipulator.
Barge pole time, OP!

CandidaAlbicans2 · 31/10/2021 14:10

I disagree with the PPs who say OP has "nothing to lose" by agreeing to a date with him. What is tells him straight away is that he can treat her badly but she'll forgive him, which is a poor basis for a potential relationship. He needs to do better, not be "rewarded" with a date/shag/relationship. As others have said, she shouldn't be happy to accept crumbs.

ChargingBuck · 31/10/2021 14:10

@OnlyClothes

Re the new photos = shallow man thing, I’ve swiped left on SO MANY MEN.

But if they came back with much better photos, revamped profile, better hobbies/whatever OP has ‘bettered’ herself with, then I might right swipe. That’s not shallow, that’s simply the nature of online dating isn’t it?

I say go for a drink and judge based on that meeting.

Also, chat fizzling out isn’t ghosting.

But the chat didn't fizzle out @OnlyClothes.

They'd arranged to meet, OP messaged to confirm, & he ghosted.

And your swipe left/swipe right isn't comparable.
Unless you agreed to meet, then ghosted, men you'd swiped left on.
Then swiped right when they popped up all glowed up.

ChargingBuck · 31/10/2021 14:13

who cannot wash their arse or keep a cactus alive

Grin Grin Grin Grin

ChargingBuck · 31/10/2021 14:15

You’ve got nothing to lose by going for a coffee with him for an hour.

Yeah you have.
Your self-respect, & an hour.

FreedomFaith · 31/10/2021 15:46

To all the women who thinks he writes well and you would give him a second chance:

  1. You're worth more than that
  2. He actually defined himself as infinitely stupid..
  3. You're worth more than that
  4. He tried to pretend they were going out for drinks in january, not for a walk which was easily possible, thus proving point 2
  5. You're worth more than that
  6. He's clearly only interested when op started looking better, hence why he's now upped the first date to drinks and not a walk, proving point 2 again and showing he's shallow
  7. You're worth more than this..
  8. He's likely a cheater or going to ditch op if she gets bigger again or 'let's herself go' - these will be his words
  9. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN THIS SHIT
APJ1 · 31/10/2021 16:46

He got back in touch and said he was an idiot and that he broke up with his girlfriend of three years in September, so was in no place to seriously date and that he was an idiot.

Yeah, yeah, heard that one before. I suspect he was just keeping you as a reserve until his 'better' options fizzled out. No one should feel like second best. Ditch!

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 31/10/2021 17:01
OP posts:
sammylady37 · 01/11/2021 18:46

@FreedomFaith

To all the women who thinks he writes well and you would give him a second chance:
  1. You're worth more than that
  2. He actually defined himself as infinitely stupid..
  3. You're worth more than that
  4. He tried to pretend they were going out for drinks in january, not for a walk which was easily possible, thus proving point 2
  5. You're worth more than that
  6. He's clearly only interested when op started looking better, hence why he's now upped the first date to drinks and not a walk, proving point 2 again and showing he's shallow
  7. You're worth more than this..
  8. He's likely a cheater or going to ditch op if she gets bigger again or 'let's herself go' - these will be his words
  9. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN THIS SHIT
Excellent post 👏
Original poster
Leonardo87 · 03/11/2021 09:27

LET THIS BE A LESSON
I met a friend on Monday who knows this guys ex girlfriend. (small city)

He was with her 3/4 years - bought a house with her and at the end of last year decided he was ‘not feeling’ the relationship for whatever reason. I think other shit had gone down. Her family had paid for the house deposit. She kicked him out and he stayed in air b and bs. He is having to sell his business etc now because its gone bankcrupt.

What a bullet dodged

OP posts:
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