what do i do

[agnesireland]

so i need to move asap for a fresh start for me and ds3 (13) and dd2 (10). theres a few reasons why and i dont want to drip feed but i'm trying to keep this short and to the point. we’re living in NI right now but i want to leave the country for good. we will be potentially homeless soon. i cant decide between nevada (my mum and stepdad live there) or scotland where my brother lives with his family. i’m basically looking for a complete fresh start bc I cant live this life anymore… i need to leave with my youngest two. i want ds2 (he’s 15) to come too but his dad wont let me .
please help what would u do in my situation? i want whats best for my kids but i also need out of this environment

What do you mean hes left you?

Take a minute to breath.

Its the rejection thats all it is, try to think rationally about this. You need to break the cycle!

Whats happened?

@mae2014

What do you mean hes left you?

Take a minute to breath.

Its the rejection thats all it is, try to think rationally about this. You need to break the cycle!

Whats happened?

he was drinking last night with a " friend " ( how could i be so stupid ) who lives on the site and he came home and we got into an argument and hes ended it saying i should leave. i told him i was planning to ( didnt mention scotland so he presumed i was going to derry to live with my sister ) and he got really mad and started chocking me saying he wasnt in love with me and was only with me for the kids and he wanted them to stay with him .. he just wants me to leave.. i still love him after all that i cant imagine my life without him. i just dont know what to do

Yeah you need to speak to women’s aid or another similar organisation. This sounds like a chaotic situation for your kids to be living in and you don’t sound in control with firstly ideas of moving to another country or even to the US then saying you love him and want to be with him.

Don’t worry about moving country and instead worry about police/women’s aid/social services possibly.

He started choking you???!!!!!!!!

Call 999 now!

You and your children are in danger - PLEASE call the police.

hes left now back to his " friend " and he just text me to tell me hes coming to get the rest of his stuff tonight .. i dont know whats happening. the kids arenr in the house please dont think i'd ever let him do anything to me around them... im so scared to phone the police. i know i should but it'll just escalate , also on halting sites the police hate us.. im worried i'll end up getting arrested or something. i know im stupid for still loving him but i feel so alone and i cant talk to anyone .. im going to call my brother but he doesnt finish work till 6

OK if you don't want to report it as an emergency 999 call then call them on the none emergency 101 or NI number. Tell them that he assaulted you but you don't want to press charges for fear of retaliation. Then they have it on record if needed and call them every time he attacks you. Hopefully it's just the once but build a paper trail against him to make it harder for him to gain custody of the children. It won't look good for him if he's been done for assault when he tries to go for custody.

Call women's aid ( I linked the website details above) &.tell them what you've told us. Include that you fear for your child's safety because he tried to choke you. They'll tell you exactly what to do.

Pack a case/s with warm clothes, toiletries, cash lying round the house, food, chargers, mobiles, important docs and stash it somewhere safe. Be ready to flee if needed.

@FancyNan

OK if you don't want to report it as an emergency 999 call then call them on the none emergency 101 or NI number. Tell them that he assaulted you but you don't want to press charges for fear of retaliation. Then they have it on record if needed and call them every time he attacks you. Hopefully it's just the once but build a paper trail against him to make it harder for him to gain custody of the children. It won't look good for him if he's been done for assault when he tries to go for custody.

Call women's aid ( I linked the website details above) &.tell them what you've told us. Include that you fear for your child's safety because he tried to choke you. They'll tell you exactly what to do.

Pack a case/s with warm clothes, toiletries, cash lying round the house, food, chargers, mobiles, important docs and stash it somewhere safe. Be ready to flee if needed.

thank you so much. i truly cant thank you enough this is such good advice and its so good of you to take the time to right it out for me. so if i call the non emergency number they wont send someone round or arrest him ? hes done it before and done worse but ive never reported it cos i know hes not that person deep down.. idk..

i will give womens aid a call and im going to pack a bag , im just scared cos idk when hes coming back and if hes been drinking again hell he even angrier.. i called my brother but he said hed call me once he drives home from work

I'm not sure what the NI rules are with none emergency police calls but tell them you don't want to press charges because you're petrified for both your and your kids lives. Tell them he uses drugs and drinks a lot and he becomes really violent and exposes kids to abusive behaviour. They'll tell you what to do. Good luck.

Also get in contact with your bank, tell them you're fleeing a violent relationship & you need to change your registered address. They might let you temporarily change it to your brother's address.

It all sounds very traumatic but you have good advice in here. Pack a bag, call for help, whatever it takes you need to get out of there with urgency.

Choking is the biggest red flag.. the danger you're in cannot be overstated.

You've been through so much in your life and I get how scary and unsettling it is to uproot everything that is familiar to you and the children.
The kids' dad is not a good dad, if you added up all the good bits and all the bad bits you would see that there is more bad than good, even when he is good you are afraid waiting for the bad to start again.
It's time to leave the halting site and give yourself and the children a different way to live. It will be hard, but you can do this, you've beat addiction!
Of course it would have been better if you had time to save but events have escalated and you might have to go to your brother without much. You will find work as there's vacancies everywhere.
Give yourself time to grieve for the relationship ending, for the man you hoped he was going to be but never was, never take him back, he will ruin everything that you build up, he will crush your dreams. The only thing that is real to him is his next hit, a relationship with an addict is not real, it is a dream.
Wishing you strength and good luck. Keep us posted if you want, people on here are so knowledgeable and they will share that always.

Hey OP,

Whats the situation now? Did you speak to your brother? Are you ok?

Please please know this is not ok, go onto the womens aid website and please just look after yourself. Its time to break the cycle xxx

@agnesireland
How are you??? Your last post was deeply concerning 😔 x

Are you ok @agnesireland