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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about getting a dog

89 replies

Framings · 30/10/2021 15:38

After my last IVF fail, I'm coming to terms with the turmoil of that. I don't have any family apart from DH and I'm a homebod person without many friends so I feel very lonely.

Someone has suggested I get a dog; I absolutely love animals and would love to.

I'd like a dog from a shelter and have seen a sweet 1 year old rescue that's at the local animal shelter that could be a great fit.

Trouble is, the rescue shelter are very firm on how long you're allowed to leave a dog at home alone for; 3-4 hours max.

Both myself and my DH work part time shifts, and there are 3 days a week where our shifts cross with more than 4 hours gap.

For example, I'll work 5am-11am and he's on a 7am-5pm. He leaves at 6.15am though, and I'm not back until 11.15am.

So the dog would be home alone for 5 hours. Should I be honest with the rescue shelter, or (like my DH suggests) fib and say it'll only be 4 hours? Or just not continue with my application to have her?

I want to do the right thing by the dog and not be selfish about this.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 30/10/2021 15:40

Could you have a dog walker on the days the shifts don't line up?

Hekk · 30/10/2021 15:41

I would try and find someone to come and visit dog for 15mins after they've dropped children off to school, or a teenager on the way to sixth form. I'd be honest.

Bagelsandbrie · 30/10/2021 15:41

You need to get a dog walker on the days the shifts overlap.

Clementineapples · 30/10/2021 15:43

I would look into the cost of a dog Walker. Around here someone will come and take the dog out for an hour or so for £5.
That would break up the day.
However a rescue dog might have extra needs that mean leaving it home alone isn’t a fair option.

You could also consider a cat, can be incredibly loving and playful, independent so are fine to be home alone for longer. Or a house rabbit. Consider what money, time and energy you have as well.

Meredithwho · 30/10/2021 15:44

You absolutely do not need to get a dog walker. As long as the dog has no separation issues they will be ok on their own. I would get to take some time off when you get a dog though so you can build up the duration they are left alone. My dogs are left 8-9hrs once or twice a week and according to the house cameras and their PitPat’s they don’t move the whole time!

Allllchange · 30/10/2021 15:44

Can you use doggie day care? A rescue dog is more likely to have separation anxiety so you do need to be honest so they can ensure you will meet the dog's needs.

M0rT · 30/10/2021 15:46

If you can organise and afford a dog walker to come on those days around 8/9 and walk them for an hour. I would fib.
Also I'd plan some leave for the first few weeks of settling the dog in with you so they aren't alone at all.
If that's not possible you may need a cat.
Sorry about your IVF, I know it's hard. I can't have children either.
Time does help though Flowers

Bagelsandbrie · 30/10/2021 15:47

@Meredithwho

You absolutely do not need to get a dog walker. As long as the dog has no separation issues they will be ok on their own. I would get to take some time off when you get a dog though so you can build up the duration they are left alone. My dogs are left 8-9hrs once or twice a week and according to the house cameras and their PitPat’s they don’t move the whole time!
But you have more than one dog so they have company and they aren’t straight from a rescue…bit different!
Clementineapples · 30/10/2021 15:49

My dogs are left 8-9hrs once or twice a week

More than one dog and used to the routine and not straight from rescue. Rescues are more likely to have depression anxiety, more likely to be less toilet trained, more likely to cause damage. Depending on the dog some can’t be left alone at all.

Nyxs · 30/10/2021 15:50

I think for a rescue dog assuming it will be fine and or a dog walker will be fine is a huge gamble to be honest.

I think both options would be fine eventually. But dogs can take weeks to decompress. You can't tell the full extent of any issues until after then.

FudgeFlake · 30/10/2021 15:54

How much pupternity leave will you be able to organise? You certainly can't go straight in with a dogwalker or daycare until ddog has had time to decompress and settle - this can be several weeks.

Oh and anyone who is doing dog-walking for £5 an hour is almost certainly untrained unqualified and uninsured.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 30/10/2021 15:54

Is there any chance of one of you changing your shifts a little bit?

If not I'd find out about local dog walkers, or a friendly neighbour. I have a neighbours dog if their shifts collide or if I'm free when they want to go out. I love it, all the fun & cuddles, only a little fragment of responsibility!

Find care for those odd days then see how it goes.

Original poster
Framings · 30/10/2021 15:57

I'm allergic to cat hair unfortunately, and DH is much more a 'dog person'.

I definitely could arrange a dog walker but I'm worried that it's just a lot for the dog to get used to - not only a new home, new people with DH and I, new routine but also another new person coming into the house 3 times a week.

The shelter have said she shows no signs of separation anxiety but of course she could just be pretty shut down in kennels and show issues once she's here.

She is very wary of strangers though, she has been treated badly, which is why I worry more about another new person coming in. It might be fine to introduce a walker in 3-6 months once she'd be more settled but I can't change my hours or take time off work sadly.

It's not going to be best for her is it :(

OP posts:
HiScore · 30/10/2021 16:00

@FudgeFlake

How much pupternity leave will you be able to organise? You certainly can't go straight in with a dogwalker or daycare until ddog has had time to decompress and settle - this can be several weeks.

Oh and anyone who is doing dog-walking for £5 an hour is almost certainly untrained unqualified and uninsured.

Ffs you don’t need to be qualified or trained to walk a dog 😂
Roselilly36 · 30/10/2021 16:02

Too long to leave a dog, especially a nervous one, your neighbours won’t thank you. Either a dog walker or sitter for those cross over days, otherwise don’t do it. Good luck.

HiScore · 30/10/2021 16:02

And 5 hours to leave the dog is fine if they don’t have separation anxiety, it’s only going to be odd days and not every single day

KiaOraWasTheBest · 30/10/2021 16:07

Just to say @Framings, whatever you do, getting a dog changed my life. Dp actually wanted one and I didn't think I would have much to do with it. But we love him so much, he's the best thing that's happened to us both. There's never a day he's not happy to see us and he's always super excited.

I really hope you find a dog that can work for you

Tal45 · 30/10/2021 16:08

Better than being in kennels at a rescue though - unless she's being fostered. What type of dog is she? some breeds are very attached to their people and others are quite laid back about being left. I would say you'll be out for about 5 hours a couple of days but happy to arrange for someone to pop in or to take her out. Some dogs also settle very quickly in a new environments and others take months. We adopted two and one was at home immediately the other was unhappy and unsettled for the first three months.

Farwest · 30/10/2021 16:11

Yabu to sabotage your chance at dog ownership because you won't hire a dog walker. It won't work to leave the dog alone for 5 or 6 hours, if that had been your plan.

It is best to get the dog into the new routine straight away, bit by bit. There is no reason that the dog won't take well to a dog walker, a person offering walkies and treats! Just go slow and let them get to know each other.

Hope it works out for you.

XelaM · 30/10/2021 16:13

We leave our dog for 4.5-5 hours on rare occasions without any issues at all. We have cameras in our house and can see him. He just sleeps the whole time on the sofa.

FudgeFlake · 30/10/2021 16:27

@HiScore Ffs you don’t need to be qualified or trained to walk a dog.

Yup, that's the trouble. Everyone thinks looking after a dog is easy peasy. Sometimes it is. Very often it isn't. Unless someone is specifically banned from keeping animals, anyone can have a dog and get away with feeding it rubbish, failing to get the vaccinations done, failing to train it and socialise it properly. Anyone can stick up a notice on local facebook or down the shop saying they're a dog walker - or trainer or behaviourist or doggy therapist.

ikeepseeingit · 30/10/2021 16:30

Can you take a few weeks off work and introduce a new dog walker a couple of times in that time? If so just get a dog walker to walk your dog alone on the day the shifts don't line up. I honestly would not worry at all about introducing your dog to one other dog-loving human. Just ask some dog walkers around you if they can do some settling-in walks of 20 minutes or something and explain you have a rescue.

Taking the time off work and slowly building how long you leave your dog for is far more important. You might need to start at 30 seconds and build up slowly, depending on how your dog is reacting. It is sometimes recommended to put on shoes, coat, get keys and then open your door and come back in right away. Then build up to 20 seconds, 1 minute, 3 minutes. You get the picture! In terms of your dog's wellbeing, this will be more of a problem than having a dog walker come in and will require more thought. The dog will likely take to the walker very quickly, walking them is a bonding activity so will be easy for them to get along.

LadyCleathStuart · 30/10/2021 16:59

I would fib to get the dog then sort a walker. Don't worry about it being too much for the dog both of my dogs (one a nervous rescue) love their walker more than me I think! It's a fun experience if you get someone good (look at reviews!) plus they will do settling in sessions.

feelingsareweird · 30/10/2021 17:03

I’d look at rescues where the dogs are kept with foster homes rather than in kennels, then they’re more likely to have an idea what will be possible for each dog. I got a rescue from kennels, was totally prepared to pay for dog daycare, walkers etc. Turns out she had both issues with other dogs and with separation so neither of those options are possible yet - I’ve had her a year and can now leave her for one and a half hours max… she’s amazing though, would not be without her!!

Fadingout · 30/10/2021 17:06

I think I’d be tempted to fib if it’s only the odd occasion. We’ve got a dog and sometimes leave him up to five hours. It’s rare but we do do it. And he’s fine. It might be different with a rescue as she may need time to bed in but honestly a really good home where occasionally she’s on her own for five hours is better than a rescue.