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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about getting a dog

89 replies

Framings · 30/10/2021 15:38

After my last IVF fail, I'm coming to terms with the turmoil of that. I don't have any family apart from DH and I'm a homebod person without many friends so I feel very lonely.

Someone has suggested I get a dog; I absolutely love animals and would love to.

I'd like a dog from a shelter and have seen a sweet 1 year old rescue that's at the local animal shelter that could be a great fit.

Trouble is, the rescue shelter are very firm on how long you're allowed to leave a dog at home alone for; 3-4 hours max.

Both myself and my DH work part time shifts, and there are 3 days a week where our shifts cross with more than 4 hours gap.

For example, I'll work 5am-11am and he's on a 7am-5pm. He leaves at 6.15am though, and I'm not back until 11.15am.

So the dog would be home alone for 5 hours. Should I be honest with the rescue shelter, or (like my DH suggests) fib and say it'll only be 4 hours? Or just not continue with my application to have her?

I want to do the right thing by the dog and not be selfish about this.

OP posts:
magicstar1 · 30/10/2021 17:10

I’d introduce a regular dog walker sooner instead of waiting. We got our rescue girl last year…..the only people she really met for the first while were us and my parents, who came to see her a couple of times a week from the start. Now she adores them. She’s okay with DH’s parents and others but doesn’t treat them the same.
If your dog gets to know the walker early, it’ll be so much easier on everybody. He’ll also know that this is part of his routine, not something new sprung on him after a few months.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/10/2021 17:11

Can you take a few weeks off work

What job do you do that is that unimportant that you don't have to show up for weeks at a time? Because if it pays a reasonable wage, I want to know about it.

As the dog is already going into a different environment, one more person in its new, much nicer life isn't too much for it to handle. Chances are that it's left to its own devices in a run for much longer than that over the course of a day in a rescue where they have to care for significantly more dogs than just the one.

tabulahrasa · 30/10/2021 17:11

“I definitely could arrange a dog walker but I'm worried that it's just a lot for the dog to get used to - not only a new home, new people with DH and I, new routine but also another new person coming into the house 3 times a week.”

It’s just 3 people instead of 2...

Dog walkers will do visits fir dogs that aren’t ready to be walked yet. So you could have them come round when you’re in a couple of yikes to meet the dog and then arrange visits/walks as the dog settles in.

Btw, it’s not the rescue being firm about arbitrary rules... it’s the rescue sticking to animal welfare guidelines for dogs.

VeganCheesePlease · 30/10/2021 17:12

Could you arrange a wee bit of annual leave for when you get the dog? Help them settle in etc and then you could leave for little bits and get them used to it?
Fwiw I lost my son last year (born sleeping), no living children and on a long TTC journey and my dogs bring me so much joy. They really are amazing and I wish you all the very best with your lovely doggo

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/10/2021 17:13

Good rescues will be far more willing to help find a dog to suit you if you approach them with 'this is what I can offer, I've got x y and z options to cover when we are out, I can take my annual leave for the first few weeks, OH can take his after that for the next few etc etc'.

They are good at spotting liars, and they do tend to come up with the rules they have for a reason.. and that reason is not 'to deny nice people a dog' funnily enough.

curiouscatgotkilled · 30/10/2021 17:41

I'll be slated for this but.... don't tell the shelter. Give that dog an amazing home and get a dog Walker for the times you are out over 3/4 hours.
An adult dog does not need company every second of every day. A well adjusted dog will be very happy at home for a few hours after a good walk and nice food.
Rescues are ridiculous expecting all dog owners to never leave the house.

InTropicalTrumpsLand · 30/10/2021 17:49

I think you can be honest, frankly. "The way our shifts work mean twice a week the dog would be left alone for 5 hours, so we're thinking of hiring a dog walker. Do you think we could do so from the start or would it be better to get her settled first?"

If you think this dog could be a good fit, apply! If you get rejected, that's the same outcome as not applying.

KarmaStar · 30/10/2021 17:49

Find out of the dog has any issues with being left alone.
Look at a book called understanding the rescue dog. It's very helpful.
If the dog is ok to be left,don't do as pm have suggested and take time off.the dog will bed to know the routine from the start and being there 24/7 then not will be unfair on him.
If he does not like being left alone you must think of the cost of training,dog sitter and how to plan you exit and return exercises.
Getting an animal from a rescue home is a brilliant thing to do.🌈

askingforafriend86 · 30/10/2021 17:52

It could work but you’d need to build up to that time and see if she is ok. I don’t think you could go straight into leaving for that long. Could you use annual leave to get her settled in and see how she goes?

Original poster
Framings · 30/10/2021 18:39

Thank you so much for the replies.

Just to say again, unfortunately there is no possibility of taking a few weeks off work. It would be great if I could!

I'll have a good chat with the shelter and see if they feel she'd be okay adjusting to a new home as well as having a dog walker a few times a week - hopefully we can make it work :)

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 30/10/2021 18:44

The rescue may even be able to suggest a Walker. Even someone who is familiar to the dog already. Can either of you take any leave at all? That would help. Neighbours or friends who could eventually help the odd day? You may well find the dog is fine being left but it’s worth having a back up. It would be awful to assume it would be ok then have to return the dog. Good luck.

ikeepseeingit · 30/10/2021 20:25

@Framings

Thank you so much for the replies.

Just to say again, unfortunately there is no possibility of taking a few weeks off work. It would be great if I could!

I'll have a good chat with the shelter and see if they feel she'd be okay adjusting to a new home as well as having a dog walker a few times a week - hopefully we can make it work :)

Can you take her home on a Friday, then take two/three days off each the week following? That will be ten days at home with you which will help her settling a lot.
RunningFromInsanity · 30/10/2021 20:27

You know dogs can’t tell the time.
They have no idea the difference between 4 and 5 hours.

Just tell the rescue it’s 4 hours/that you’ll get a dog walker.

Zwellers · 30/10/2021 20:31

Do rescues not want people to have dogs. Why is it OK for a dog to be shut in at a pen at a rescue all day except for exercise but not left in what could a loving home for five hours.

Original poster
Framings · 30/10/2021 20:53

@RunningFromInsanity

You know dogs can’t tell the time. They have no idea the difference between 4 and 5 hours.

Just tell the rescue it’s 4 hours/that you’ll get a dog walker.

This is what my DH says too, and it seems unrealistic to think every dog owner is home 24/7. But I do want the dog to have the right home!

Again, and sorry for repeating, but unfortunately I can't take any leave from work, and I work weekends - my job requires all staff to take all holiday by a certain date; no staff are allowed holiday now until January.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 30/10/2021 21:07

“it seems unrealistic to think every dog owner is home 24/7”

Well it’s unrealistic in that people do leave their dogs longer than 4 hours... but it doesn’t mean they should.

Studies done on dogs and owners show there’s a huge amount of owners who either don’t care or don’t notice that their dogs are dressed and unhappy to be left alone... owners report at about 30% of dogs, observations on dogs and hormone tests show it to be more like 80%.

That’s a lot of owners insisting their dogs are fine that obviously aren’t.

Dogs are social animals, they need company, if someone can’t provide that and isn’t able or willing to outsource it instead - then tbh they shouldn’t have dogs.

And the choice is not between an imperfect home and stating in rescue forever - other more suitable homes exist.

MujeresLibres · 30/10/2021 21:20

Get a dog walker for those days. I wouldn't leave my dog for that long without company.

hookiewookie29 · 30/10/2021 21:34

I read somewhere that dogs have no sense of time so they don'tknow the difference between 5 minutes and 5 hours..how true this is, I don't know. If they're OK with being left then every so often is fine. If not, look at an advocate dog walker.
Would just like to say though.....we got a dog for our 18 year old daughter. She suffers with her mental health and I'm pretty sure she has ADHD. The change in her since we got him us amazing, he's changed her- and our- life. He's been so good for her x

hookiewookie29 · 30/10/2021 21:35

*adhoc

Saoirse82 · 30/10/2021 21:56

Ffs you don’t need to be qualified or trained to walk a dog 😂

Well you might be happy to hand your dog over to anyone but I certainly wouldn't. I'd want someone professional and my dog has no issues either.

Clementineapples · 30/10/2021 22:23

Oh and anyone who is doing dog-walking for £5 an hour is almost certainly untrained unqualified and uninsured

What training and qualifications would I need to walk a dog exactly?

Scottishskifun · 30/10/2021 22:29

Find a good dog walker.
A good one will set up a session to get to know your dog and pay the bit extra for either a small group or one on one in the beginning.
It's best to introduce this early go with recommendations but meet them too. It's best that this is done early. She will be used to a variety of people from kennels it's about building up that trust.

The most important thing about a rescue is having patience, keeping calm and start training but it has to be gentle reward based training.

villainousbroodmare · 30/10/2021 22:33

OP, given the choice, I would recommend anyone looking to acquire a dog choose a relaxed and reasonably confident animal. A scared dog can obviously become less so but if I had a choice, nerviness would be my least desired trait in a dog. Just be aware.
Common "rescue" myth: anxiety is mostly due to previous ill-treatment. It is not, it's highly heritable and usually baked into every cell in their bodies from birth.

Darbs76 · 30/10/2021 22:35

I think you do need some time to settle the dog in before leaving for a long period. Some dogs are destructive when alone if they are stressed.

TheVolturi · 30/10/2021 22:40

I think the dog will be fine for that amount of time, once he's settled in.
I wouldn't be that keen on having a dog walker (stranger) having a key to my house to be honest, it would have to be someone I trusted.