AIBU about getting a dog

[Framings]

After my last IVF fail, I'm coming to terms with the turmoil of that. I don't have any family apart from DH and I'm a homebod person without many friends so I feel very lonely.

Someone has suggested I get a dog; I absolutely love animals and would love to.

I'd like a dog from a shelter and have seen a sweet 1 year old rescue that's at the local animal shelter that could be a great fit.

Trouble is, the rescue shelter are very firm on how long you're allowed to leave a dog at home alone for; 3-4 hours max.

Both myself and my DH work part time shifts, and there are 3 days a week where our shifts cross with more than 4 hours gap.

For example, I'll work 5am-11am and he's on a 7am-5pm. He leaves at 6.15am though, and I'm not back until 11.15am.

So the dog would be home alone for 5 hours. Should I be honest with the rescue shelter, or (like my DH suggests) fib and say it'll only be 4 hours? Or just not continue with my application to have her?

I want to do the right thing by the dog and not be selfish about this.

If you can’t take any time off until January, I would look at trying to get a dog when you can take time off. Even better if DH can take some time too and you can stagger it so you take two weeks and he takes two weeks. Unfortunately it might mean that this dog isn’t right for you at the moment but depending how quickly in the new year you can take leave, she might still be unadopted or the shelter might be willing to let you visit more and build your bond. Speak with them. They might also have another dog that comes in when the timing is better suited to you.

Don’t lie to them. They want what is best for the dog and they want to make it as positive an experience as possible for you. They don’t want to set you up to fail. If the shelter will let you take it a bit slower with her, you can find a dog walker now. Look for one that has worked with rescues before and is happy to do some visits to the shelter to get to know the dog. The right dog walker can do wonders for nervous dogs, getting them used to other people and other situations.

Our dogs aren’t nervous and we mostly wfh now but we’ve kept our dog walker on because it does the world of good for our dogs. They get different settings with the walker and it does them good to be obedient with someone else. Obviously cost is an issue with a walker but I think they are a really valuable resource with a dog. I’d really recommend looking at a dog walker even if you build up to four hours or longer.

A half way house between rescue and buying a pup might be to scour the ads for someone selling on a ‘second hand’ or ‘lockdown pup’ as their circumstances change- this keeps a dog out of a rescue that might otherwise have gone. The criteria for these tend to be less strict, and dogs potentially have less in way of issues. I’ve found several really nice dogs this way.

@DinkyDiggies

A half way house between rescue and buying a pup might be to scour the ads for someone selling on a ‘second hand’ or ‘lockdown pup’ as their circumstances change- this keeps a dog out of a rescue that might otherwise have gone. The criteria for these tend to be less strict, and dogs potentially have less in way of issues. I’ve found several really nice dogs this way.

That’s massively risky though... it’s potentially all the bad bits of buying and rescue in one.

You’re paying loads of money for a dog that you haven’t got to socialise, you’ve no clue what health issues are coming and you’ve got to rely on someone who wants rid of their dog as to whether there are any behavioural issues... at least with a rescue it’s assessed and you’ll have back up if something goes wrong.

Our first dog was a rescue from not a pleasant rescue, it was basically solitary confinement in a cage. We figured that anything was better than that. When we worked our neighbour would pop in as she loved him, so he’d no doubt get company and a shed load of treats knowing her.

He was absolutely fine being left, when I started working from home I expected him to be ecstatic only to realise he slept all day, which is what content dogs tend to do - there’s not much difference between 4 and 5 hours, I’d go for it. So many dogs need homes and if it’s kept to the strictest of rules how will they get them? I’d say your loving home is far better than being at a rescue centre.

To the PP asking about qualifications for being a dog walker - legally speaking you don't need any (I am one) but sending your dog out with someone who has no insurance and doesn't even have basic first aid training is asking for trouble.

It's not the same as walking your own dog down the park. I've had a couple of situations where dogs have been injured (cut paws and the like) and I've had to clean wounds and bandage them up before getting them to the vet for stitches.

My insurance also covers things like - lost keys, injury to your dog or to myself, coverage for dogs that get lost or slip their leads or hurt a member of the public. Public liability insurance too, in case the dog runs into the road (having slipped a lead etc) and causes an accident.

Of course, the likelihood of those things happening is small but dogs run off and spook every week on walks with their owners, let alone with a dog walker.

And anyone charging £5 an hour won't have insurance and will barely be covering their costs, which include things like poo bags, treats, insurance, car insurance for business use, leads, crates or seatbelts for their car, wear and tear on the vehicle, washing costs for all the towels etc. they use to clean your dogs....

It's not a case of stick a bunch of dogs in a van, walk them for an hour round the park and go home!

@Wolfiefan

OP is doing exactly the right thing to work out how this dog may fit in their lives. If only everyone did this. Dogs shut down. Not moving doesn’t mean happy and needs met. Wish everyone thought things through like rhe OP.

What kind of life is that for a dog though? 8 or 9 hours not moving and then 8 or 9 hours again overnight (presumably not moving).

I would expect a happy and content dog left alone in the house to entertain itself for at least a few hours, especially so if there are 2 of them!

sleeping/lethargy is what sad and depressed dogs do. what else are they going to do when they're left if they're not the destructive type? there's not a lot else they are going to do to keep themselves entertained.
the blood studies show what's really going on.

We have a dog who suffer from anxiety when left on her own. After nearly 2 years I can leave her on her own for 25mins to get dd to sixth form/ small shops etc. We are lucky that on the whole we don't have to leave her alone.

On the days that I work I leave her with my parents where she gets spoilt rotten. Otherwise I would have looked at doggy day care.
Have a look at the options available to you and let the rescue know what your plan is. They are more likely to be happy that you have thought things through.

Sounds like a pair might be ideal for you. They'll be much happier left alone for a few hours at a time if they have a buddy with them.

@whereisthekey Well, I'm currently at home with my dog 24/7 and he sleeps for most of the day between walks and food. He's a very loving happy fog who likes to laze about. Is he supposed to run around destroying the house to prove that he's not depressed? Actually, dogs that suffer real separation anxiety don't just sleep with the owners are out! My previous dog could not be left alone because he howled continuously, so sleeping is a good thing! And I don't crate my dogs, so they can move wherever they want

@XelaM don't be daft . how do you feel if your partner is in the house but you're just sitting on the sofa together watching tv, compared to if you're spending all day alone in the house.
you might be quiet in both circumstances but enjoying it is a completely different thing.

you can't disagree with the blood test results that have been done on dogs proving it. what you visually think you observe is irrelevant

@Wolfiefan

OP is doing exactly the right thing to work out how this dog may fit in their lives. If only everyone did this. Dogs shut down. Not moving doesn’t mean happy and needs met. Wish everyone thought things through like rhe OP.

Absolutely, it's about what's right for the dog and being realistic, if that means another dog/another time/no dog at all then I'll have to accept that. Yes I can provide a safe, warm loving home but I know you have to be practical and not selfish about how everything fits, too.

I would also say OP that if you're going to rely on a dog walker, please speak to the ones in your local area to make sure they have the space.

In our area practically all the walkers are full with waiting lists - I've taken on about eight new dogs in the past six weeks, it's bonkers how busy it's gotten all of a sudden and I've had to turn several clients down as everyone wants the same time slots and I just can't fit them all in!

@icedcoffees

I would also say OP that if you're going to rely on a dog walker, please speak to the ones in your local area to make sure they have the space.

In our area practically all the walkers are full with waiting lists - I've taken on about eight new dogs in the past six weeks, it's bonkers how busy it's gotten all of a sudden and I've had to turn several clients down as everyone wants the same time slots and I just can't fit them all in!

Maybe I'll start a new business!