Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP Lending Out Our Car

79 replies

Wantubackforgood · 30/10/2021 14:54

AIBU -have just had a row with DP regarding a family member borrowing our car .
We have a sensible car each which we use for work etc ,and a little convertible which we use in summer .
DP announces that x has asked to borrow it for a few weeks and he has agreed .
I have said no as they have made choices to spend their money elsewhere which means they are now without a car .
We choose to spend our money on cars and motorbikes etc because that's what we enjoy doing in our spare time but it doesn't mean we are there to subsidise other people's lack of transport !

AIBU?

OP posts:
TrickOrTreat21x · 30/10/2021 14:56

YANBU. I would expect them to get a bus!

Don't ever lend a car to family, believe me if they crash it or damage it it's not worth the Argo.

dreamingofsun · 30/10/2021 14:58

what is the insurance situation? what happens if there is a prang, will they be fully covered and who will pay excess/make up effect on no claims bonus? that would be a key decider for me - my brother once wanted to borrow our car but was only doing it on third party insurance and couldnt have replaced that card if there had been an accident.

Notaroadrunner · 30/10/2021 14:58

YANBU. I wouldn't agree to it. Surely they can hire a car.

darkn · 30/10/2021 14:59

I have said no as they have made choices to spend their money elsewhere which means they are now without a car

how broke are they? I bought my 2005 car for 550 quid and it's still going strong after nearly 3 years. Yes it's a banger but I can't afford a convertible or a nice flashy car so this does the job and it's much better than the alternative.

darkn · 30/10/2021 15:00

Also, can I add that there are even cheaper cars going than 550.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 30/10/2021 15:01

YANBU. I’ve lent vehicles in the past and it he response to damage always seems to be “that scratch must have been there before” or “Surely you can claim it on the insurance?” Hmm

If someone wants a car they either buy one and maintain it, or use the savings from NOT buying and maintaining a car to hire one on the occasions they need it.

IWishToAnswerInTheAffirmative · 30/10/2021 15:02

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for saying no. But I think your reasoning is really strange. It makes you sound very bitter. If you’d said you were worried about it being damaged that’s fair enough but just on a point of principle?

Noavocado · 30/10/2021 15:03

If its your partners family member it won't come across well

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/10/2021 15:03

YABU to have 3 cars between 2 people.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 30/10/2021 15:06

Firstly, is the relative paying for decent insurance?

If not then they can fuck off. The potential financial hit for YOU is unbelievable.

If yes then you and your DP need to discuss this fully so you both feel OK with it.

He has been unreasonable in not discussing it before saying yes.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 30/10/2021 15:06

@HundredMilesAnHour

YABU to have 3 cars between 2 people.
With your username Grin
KarmaStar · 30/10/2021 15:09

Depends on the circumstances,need more information to form a proper reply.
But if a stealth body though op!😊

KarmaStar · 30/10/2021 15:09

Stealth post!

Fetarabbit · 30/10/2021 15:10

I'd lend my car to a family member if they needed it and sorted out the insurance, but if they're joint cars then yes he should have asked.

letsmakethishappen · 30/10/2021 15:10

“YABU to have 3 cars between 2 people.”

So what? They’re not for hire

Quickchangeartiste · 30/10/2021 15:11

@HundredMilesAnHour

YABU to have 3 cars between 2 people.
I am guessing there’s only 2 on the road at any one time.🤷🏻‍♀️don’t see the issue there. YANBU OP, I have been asked to lend my car to SIL for holidays as it’s roomier than hers, but I have learned from experience that it ends in tears.
ImInStealthMode · 30/10/2021 15:14

If decent insurance is sorted and you only use it yourselves in summer anyway I think you're being a bit precious about it to be honest (unless the drip feed is that you're in the Southern Hemisphere so would be using it daily yourselves)

I offered my car to a friend when I went on holiday as she was without one herself at that point, and then in return 2 months later she lent me her new (to her) 5 door when my parents were visiting for a week as it was easier than my 3 door.

It's nice to be nice.

comfortablyfrumpy · 30/10/2021 15:15

Whose name is on the V5?

Crazycakelady17 · 30/10/2021 15:16

Nope nope nope! We learnt the hard way DH lent our car to his brother he was insured but he had a accident and it didn’t cover the cost of the car and we had to make up the shortfall as brother was “skint” don’t do it OP!

SeaHollyDaiz · 30/10/2021 15:17

Who actually owns the car? If DP owns it, he's free to do what he likes with it. If you both own it jointly then he is BU.

AnotherMansCause · 30/10/2021 15:20

YANBU. If they can’t afford to buy a car I’d be wary that they can afford adequate insurance & the bump you’ll potentially suffer in increased premiums. Is it even covered if they have an accident?

I’d also be annoyed that this was presented to you as a done deal. If it’s jointly owned you both get to make decisions regarding the car. What if you’d also offered it to someone on the same day?

Aqua55 · 30/10/2021 15:20

@HundredMilesAnHour

YABU to have 3 cars between 2 people.
Biscuit
Aqua55 · 30/10/2021 15:22

@comfortablyfrumpy

Whose name is on the V5?
Why does that matter? Odd question
mcmooberry · 30/10/2021 15:22

No you are not BU and especially not if the few weeks could potentially turn into much longer.

Fuckitsstillraining · 30/10/2021 15:26

Your husband should not have agreed to loan the car without speaking to you, that's out of order. I loaned a jeep to my brother while his car was getting some much needed repairs but made sure insurance was sorted and put a definitive time frame in place. Has the person borrowing any intention of replacing the cat they sold or just hoping to drive yours indefinitely? If the latter it wouldn't leave my driveway.