Page 3 | DP Lending Out Our Car

Wantubackforgood · 2021-10-30T13:54:57+00:00

AIBU -have just had a row with DP regarding a family member borrowing our car . We have a sensible car each which we use for work etc ,and a little convertible which we use in summer . DP announces that x has asked to borrow it for a few weeks and he has agreed . I have said no as they have made choices to spend their money elsewhere which means they are now without a car . We choose to spend our money on cars and motorbikes etc because that's what we enjoy doing in our spare time but it doesn't mean we are there to subsidise other people's lack of transport ! AIBU?

BrilloPaddy · 30/10/2021 16:29

I let a person I considered to be my best friend borrow my car for 2 weeks. In that time, they buggered the clutch, damaged an alloy and got 2 speeding fines in it.

Never ever again. I've never felt so used or let down in my life, tbh.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/10/2021 16:33

Maybe the name on the V5 matters because, if it is @Wantubackforgood, she has more clout to refuse the loan of the car, @Billben?

PinkiOcelot · 30/10/2021 16:38

No way would I lend my car to anyone.

Leftbutcameback · 30/10/2021 16:40

The insurance is the biggest risk. I've had to pay increased insurance because my OH (named driver) was hit by a driver who didn't stop. So even though not his fault it cost us both hundreds extra. Any extra mileage increases the risk even if your relative is careful. It's just hassle. Having said that if a close relative was desperate and needed it for work, and struggled for money, I would lend mine. But not just for them to enjoy driving a nice car!

icedcoffees · 30/10/2021 16:44

I wouldn't lend anyone my car either!

Has he thought about who would be responsible if the car broke down, for example?
Or what will happen if they get into an accident?
What is the friend planning on using it for? Will they get it cleaned up afterwards and pay for any damage/scratches that might happen?

If they can't afford their own vehicle, can they really afford to insure yours, pay for petrol etc?

VampireVicki · 30/10/2021 16:49

It depends on who it is and why they need the car to be honest.

The devil, as usual, is in the detail.

If it's horrid BIL with a history for taking the piss, wants to take the convertible car to impress a new girlfriend , drive it from Cornwall to Scotland on holiday to visit her family etc, then YANBU.

If it's lovely SIL who has just started a new job not accessible by public transport, and her car died. She would like to borrow a car until she has been there a few weeks and gets her first pay and can sort out finances for a new one, YABU.

If the convertible is more valuable, could you suggest the person uses DP "sensible" car instead?

Lampsausage · 30/10/2021 16:51

Absolutely not. My H lent a car to a very close friend once and it came back scratched, empty and with food and filth all over the leather seats from the kids. It really impacted my feelings about them.

canigooutyet · 30/10/2021 16:53

Don't just take their word for it they have fully comp insurance.
My ex lent out a classic car owned by me years ago. The person lied said they had insurance. Found out after an accident there was no insurance. Thankfully the only thing that was damaged was my car.

NumberTheory · 30/10/2021 16:57

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be happy to loan the car out to a friend or family member, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to want to. When there are two of you who own it you need to discuss it in good faith and see if you can come to an acceptable understanding.

Unless there was a backstory, I would be a bit shocked if my DH didn’t want to lend out something simply because the other person hadn’t prioritised the same things as us. It seems ungenerous and not the way to develop good friendships and social bonds. But maybe there’s more to it than that and the frustration in your post is borne of unpleasant experiences with the borrower?

BoredZelda · 30/10/2021 17:01

Unless OP and her DH have their finances separate, it doesn’t matter whose the car is (or who mainly drives the car). It’s the family’s car

Not really. Unless OP was planning on using it, or will be the one to lose financially if it has to be replaced then as the owner of the car, he could lend it to whom he likes. Our finances are joint, but my husband’s barely used motorbike is his to lend to whom he wishes.

Sillawithans · 30/10/2021 17:03

I would lend it without question.

My boyfriend usually engages his own brain, can think for himself so would not have to discuss this with me.

My neighbour gave me his car for as long as I needed it recently, no hesitation whatsoever. I filled the tank, put it through the car wash, bought his favourite bottle of whiskey and one other thing I can't remember. He couldn't believe it. A couple of weeks go by and his car was clamped and we offered our help. He's not even family.

BoredZelda · 30/10/2021 17:03

Everyone talking about risk and insurance and stuff are missing the point. None of this is what the OP is bothered about. She just doesn’t think they deserve to have it because they don’t spend their money in a way she approves of.

FatBettyintheCoop · 30/10/2021 17:05

Bloody hell, you need to put your foot down…. hard on the accelerator and drive over the idiot.

I won’t even let DH drive my car! (He’s a crap inexperienced driver in his 60’s)

If the relative is too skint to finance their own transport, how will they cover insurance costs and the cost of any repairs required?

Big fat NO from me.

user1471447863 · 30/10/2021 17:10

I'd say no, but it would really depend on the circumstances - like why they don't have a car themselves and the reason why they need a car at this particular moment.

If they needed it because a child was in hospital and getting there to be with them was 20mins by car or 2hours via 3 buses then of course they can have it.

greenlynx · 30/10/2021 17:17

I would be very reluctant to do something like this mainly because sorting out problems afterwards with family is always hard.
I think that OP’s partner should have asked her about it. I also agree with @VampireVicki : the devil is in the details. It seems from OP’s post that she has bad relationship with this person and disapproves his choices. So there is a big chance that this person would do something which OP wouldn’t kike

greenlynx · 30/10/2021 17:18

Sorry I meant like not kike

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 30/10/2021 17:25

@HundredMilesAnHour

YABU to have 3 cars between 2 people.

Ah we have the car police on the thread

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/10/2021 17:30

@dreamingofsun

what is the insurance situation? what happens if there is a prang, will they be fully covered and who will pay excess/make up effect on no claims bonus? that would be a key decider for me - my brother once wanted to borrow our car but was only doing it on third party insurance and couldnt have replaced that card if there had been an accident.

This.

Or if they leave it full of crap, or stinking of cigarette smoke or whatever.

Or get a few speeding tickets and you can't prove you aren't responsible.

If your DH wants to lend HIS car - fair enough - but not your joint one.

HazelandChacha · 30/10/2021 17:33

@BoredZelda

Everyone talking about risk and insurance and stuff are missing the point. None of this is what the OP is bothered about. She just doesn’t think they deserve to have it because they don’t spend their money in a way she approves of.

This sums it up.

saraclara · 30/10/2021 17:40

@BoredZelda

Everyone talking about risk and insurance and stuff are missing the point. None of this is what the OP is bothered about. She just doesn’t think they deserve to have it because they don’t spend their money in a way she approves of.

Yep. Nothing to do with insurance or anything else. Just judginess.

Extraonions · 30/10/2021 17:44

My brother was made unexpectedly redundant when the company he worked for went bust, and lost his company car.
Him & SiL have 2 children …. My & my husband have one, and my husband had a car.
I had to get the bus to work, and we needed to be better organised with nursery drop off & pick up … but we coped.
6 weeks later he had a new job, and a car … and I got mine back. Really not a problem.

hotmeatymilk · 30/10/2021 17:46

YABU and a dog in the manger to boot. Between the two of you, you can drive a max of two cars at a time. But you have three. So you’ve got one spare, and a family member in need.

Original poster

Wantubackforgood · 30/10/2021 17:59

Just to clarify ...they are not skint .
They have an £80,000 motor home and live in a mortgage free house .They also go on expensive holidays .We can afford these things and are in a similar position . We are not interested in seeing the world ,happy in our home, pottering in the garage ,camping holidays and driving for days out in our car /motorbike if the weather is nice .

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 30/10/2021 18:14

DH and I have 2 cars (one is a running 30 year old 'clunker') and a 1 tonne truck. So what? They all have their different uses and all get driven according to those uses.

We've lent our 'clunker' to our adult sons when their cars have been in the shop. It runs fine but we expect it to give up the ghost at any time. We'd lend the 'good car' (nothing fancy) to them once the clunker dies because we know they're careful drivers and wouldn't abuse it. And they'd take financial responsibility for any damage they caused.

But I wouldn't lend a car to any other family member, either because I don't trust them to be responsible or because they are not in a financial position to pay for damage.

And I'd NEVER agree to lend anything of any value without discussing it with DH. They've been paid for out of joint money and they'd have to be replaced out of joint money. Therefore, it's a joint decision.

Shade17 · 30/10/2021 18:19

Depends how much you trust them I guess? My best friend and I regularly lend each other cars, some of which are worth £100k+. Key handover normally goes something like “make sure you give it a fucking good caning”