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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP Lending Out Our Car

79 replies

Wantubackforgood · 30/10/2021 14:54

AIBU -have just had a row with DP regarding a family member borrowing our car .
We have a sensible car each which we use for work etc ,and a little convertible which we use in summer .
DP announces that x has asked to borrow it for a few weeks and he has agreed .
I have said no as they have made choices to spend their money elsewhere which means they are now without a car .
We choose to spend our money on cars and motorbikes etc because that's what we enjoy doing in our spare time but it doesn't mean we are there to subsidise other people's lack of transport !

AIBU?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 30/10/2021 15:30

yanbu. anything that is shared needs the consent of both owners to be loaned. If your partner wants to load a car, he should loan out his own and ask you if he can use your shared runabout for work.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/10/2021 15:32

I dunno
My brother lent me his car for a few weeks when mine died and I needed it. He didn't need it and I did. Nobody thought twice about the arrangement. This week my car's MOT ran out and I couldn't get an appointment in time so I'm borrowing my DP's other car for a week. Again, no second thoughts given.
I guess your sports car might be quite valuable? Are they getting their own temporary fully comp insurance?

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/10/2021 15:36

Are they careful and conscientious drivers? Do you like them? It obviously isn’t “unreasonable” not to want to lend out something which is yours, ever. But DP and I own four cars and five motorbikes between us (sorry, people who think this makes us awful - we don’t care!) and to be honest, being able to lend out our campervan to friends for holidays or the big Hilux when people need to do an IKEA shopping trip, or my 749R when a (very very good!) friend is doing a track day is an aspect of why we choose to keep so many vehicles on the road when we obviously can’t use them all very much.

I’m guessing, though, that you don’t like the relative in question very much and don’t feel they should benefit from you - which is fine.

LuaDipa · 30/10/2021 15:41

I would lend a car to a family member without question. I think yabu unless there is more to this.

Beautiful3 · 30/10/2021 15:43

If it's your husbands car and he's agreed to lend it, then I wouldn't get involved. However I wouldn't lend out my car, because they wouldn't be insured and it might result in a speeding fine or accidental claim.

DeadCertain · 30/10/2021 15:48

It really depends on how they would look after it to me; I currently have a motorbike that I have been loaned by friends for a short period of time. I didn't ask to borrow it, they offered which is important to me - I would never ask. They also know that I will look after it very carefully and if it were to be damaged in any way they know that I will have it repaired.

I have not spent my money elsewhere nor do I expect to be subsidised, but this does help me very much in the short term.

I would lend someone that I trusted my car or a motorbike; if it were jointly owned then obviously only if my DH also consented. If I did not like or trust a person then I would not even consider lending them a car; if this is the case here OP then I do not blame you for feeling upset about this, particularly if the car is jointly owned.

Longdistance · 30/10/2021 15:49

Hell would freeze over before I lend my car out. Dh can lend his as long as he doesn’t inconvenience me.
I’d be worried if he’s skint he won’t get insurance for it.

itsallgoingpearshaped · 30/10/2021 15:50

YANBU

What happens if it gets wrecked Or stolen or damaged on their watch? And who is funding the steeper insurance to cover the additional driver(s)?

AFewSandwichesShortOfAPicnic · 30/10/2021 15:50

@ImInStealthMode

If decent insurance is sorted and you only use it yourselves in summer anyway I think you're being a bit precious about it to be honest (unless the drip feed is that you're in the Southern Hemisphere so would be using it daily yourselves)

I offered my car to a friend when I went on holiday as she was without one herself at that point, and then in return 2 months later she lent me her new (to her) 5 door when my parents were visiting for a week as it was easier than my 3 door.

It's nice to be nice.

People are allowed to be precious about some of their belongings though. Lots of people have hobbies and do activities they treasure and purchase special things.

My daughter give her borrow her books out to other people because they are precious to her, nothing wrong with that. Some people it's model trains they wouldn't give to a child to play with, and for some people their car is their pride and joy. It's totally fine to not want others to be given use of it without your permission.

Roselilly36 · 30/10/2021 15:53

No way, we lent a family member our car, clutch went when he was driving it, said he would call around garages to get the clutch replaced (we were paying) got totally ripped off. Lesson learned. Don’t do it.

RaininSummer · 30/10/2021 15:54

I wouldn't be happy about that either. No doubt if anything happens, you will be out of pocket. What about depreciation and will they drive and park it well or hammer the guts out of it?

LaetitiaASD · 30/10/2021 15:56

@SeaHollyDaiz

Who actually owns the car? If DP owns it, he's free to do what he likes with it. If you both own it jointly then he is BU.
Surely they are a couple and whoever owns the car if it gets damaged or destroyed (or incurs wear and tear) then that will ultimately come out of money that could have gone to the household.
Osrie · 30/10/2021 16:00

…the way to splendid family fallouts!

Bogofftosomewherehot · 30/10/2021 16:02

I lent my newish car (1-2yrs old) to DH family member who damaged it and didn't even mention it or apologise. It would be a no from me.

Oh4Tunas · 30/10/2021 16:03

I'd loan a car to a very close relative (parents, grandparents, possibly a sibling) if they'd been good and helpful to me in the past and were trustworthy, but my family wouldn't ask to borrow a car unless it was an emergency, and they would never ask to borrow a nice, expensive convertible for three weeks.

I'd resent it too much and be furious if anything happened. It's just not a good idea to loan nice cars to people you don't love enough to forgive if there's a problem.

Boysnme · 30/10/2021 16:07

@HundredMilesAnHour

YABU to have 3 cars between 2 people.
Why? They can spend their money on what they like
BoredZelda · 30/10/2021 16:09

Why does that matter? Odd question

I assume because if DP is the owner of the car he can lend to to whomever he likes.

Boysnme · 30/10/2021 16:11

My DP (now DH) lent his car to his brother when he needed one. We lived in a city and still had the use of my car.

My BIL subsequently crashed DHs car and wrote it off. Thankfully we were insured but we lost a car which was a pain when we then moved and needed it plus because my DH had claimed it out both our insurance premiums up for many years and he lost his no claims.

Think carefully before you get involved in this.

RantyAunty · 30/10/2021 16:13

Can't they hire a car for a few weeks?

Thisisconfusing · 30/10/2021 16:14

I think wise words about the insurance position . They must arrange appropriate short term cover. Our neighbour let a friend staying with them use the car. Unfortunately he repaid them by taking a large chunk out of my parked car (right in front of me ) . The repair cost was around £3000. Unfortunately he didn’t have insurance and he aggravated the situation by giving my neighbours name as the driver ( “duh as if I didn’t know who my neighbour was) . He had to pay us out of his own pocket since he didn’t have the gall to go down the fraud route once rumbled If someone is skint how will they reimburse ?

GrapeViney · 30/10/2021 16:15

@darkn

Also, can I add that there are even cheaper cars going than 550.
Are there? Used cars have shot up in price because car companies have been unable to produce as many new cars. I'd be surprised to find a road safe car with an MOT for under 500.

OP I do agree with other peeps that if it is your DP's car then you don't really have a say in it. If it's your car and he's loaning it to people then obviously that's far worse.

HeddaGarbled · 30/10/2021 16:17

I would help out a family member if they needed me to and it wouldn’t cause difficulties for me. I like them, want them to be happy, and don’t think they need to be punished for not making the same life decisions that I do.

billy1966 · 30/10/2021 16:20

YANBU.

Very disrespectful to give shared property away on a loan without discussing it.

What happens if it is damaged, ALWAYS a possibility.

Years ago a friend of mine loaned her car to another friend for a week as she was away.

When she returned it turned out she had gone grocery shopping and milk had leaked.
She thought she had done and ok job cleaning it up.
She hadn't.
The smell was bad and utterly awful when a hot spell arrived.
She got the car valeted but it still didn't get rid of the sour smell.
Relations were soured too!

If you loan a car, you have to be prepared for damage that might happen.

It will be your insurance that is affected if another car is involved.

Also if they don't have any money, how would they pay for any damage?

I just wouldn't do it.

Billben · 30/10/2021 16:27

Unless OP and her DH have their finances separate, it doesn’t matter whose the car is (or who mainly drives the car). It’s the family’s car. . So OP should have had a say in the matter. I wouldn’t be best pleased if my DH had done this. And who on earth thinks it’s acceptable to just borrow somebody else’s car for a few weeks? In an emergency, maybe, for a day or two. But not in OP’s situation.

Billben · 30/10/2021 16:29

@BoredZelda

Why does that matter? Odd question

I assume because if DP is the owner of the car he can lend to to whomever he likes.

Not if they have joint finances and he had bought it with family money.