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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not travel around on busses 5 days post section with baby?

296 replies

TrappedWindArse · 30/10/2021 11:19

I had a section Tuesday morning and have not long arrived home with baby (see previous post about being stuck on the postnatal ward after a hemmorage, no sleep, annoying visitors - yay)

Midwife came round yesterday to check in with us and said I have to take baby into the nearest clinic tomorrow (Sunday) for my day 5 post birth check, to weigh baby and remove my dressing.

The problem is it's 3.5 miles away and I don't drive. I'm exhausted, anaemic and still not able to walk very far. I'd need to use public transport and to be completely honest I'm just not up to going anywhere yet let alone miles away with baby in a sling.

I remember these checks being done at home with my other children but apparently that has changed. Possibly because it falls on a Sunday? I don't know.

Anyway, WIBU to say I'm sorry i just can't do that and ask for somebody to come to us instead? I know the midwives are very over stretched at the minute but I genuinely feel it will hinder my already slow recovery.

Will that go against me somehow and make me look negligent for not complying?

I'm a bit stressed.

OP posts:
HauteGirlSummer · 30/10/2021 14:09

I had a csection too and all of my post-baby checks and midwife follow up visits have been done at home. They normally don't ask you to go anywhere for the first few weeks. Mention this and say you want it done at home.
Good luck!

IdrisElbow · 30/10/2021 14:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WonderfulYou · 30/10/2021 14:12

Does your DH not have paternity leave?

I’d get him to go with you then he can carry the baby and bags so you don’t strain yourself.

gogohm · 30/10/2021 14:15

I had my youngest overseas and I had to take her to day 5 and day 14 checks, house calls weren't an option. I think we got used to the idea of home visits here but they are not an effective use of time, the travel between clients mean they need many more staff

AudTheDeepMinded · 30/10/2021 14:21

I don't think you would be unreasonable not to go. You are not refusing because it is something you don't fancy doing but because you have legitimate reasons. Physically you are not well enough and financially it is beyond your budget. As long as you have it on record that you are happy to be seen I'm sure they will have to be flexible.

AudTheDeepMinded · 30/10/2021 14:23

@WonderfulYou some hospitals are still limiting the number of people that can accompany a patient into hospital.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 30/10/2021 14:25

They can do the 5 day check at home

Jangle33 · 30/10/2021 14:25

It’s clear this one of the repercussions of our stretched NHS. If there was enough midwives/funding to still do home visits then they would.

If I had a small baby and neither me nor my DH drove and no friends/family to give a lift then I’d be getting a taxi. It’s a cost of having a baby that would be factored in to my own choices.

ivykaty44 · 30/10/2021 14:32

I would let them know your not feeling up to traveling as it would mean coming over on the bus and its a bit of a nightmare

post section you'll be needing to hold your stomach at every bump and busses bump and jar a lot - its not great after major stomach surgery

so you'll come over later next week when your scaring has healed up a bit more and you're feeling more up to it

ivykaty44 · 30/10/2021 14:35

TatianaBis
I just don’t understand people who don’t learn to drive

even if you can drive - your not allowed to after a c section

WonderfulYou · 30/10/2021 14:35

some hospitals are still limiting the number of people that can accompany a patient into hospital.

I didn’t know this, thank you.
He could still accompany you on the bus and to the clinic just not inside.

Lovealovestory · 30/10/2021 14:37

God I could barely stand 5 days post cs

fallenwood · 30/10/2021 14:37

I think it might be because it is good for you and baby to get out, or it was when I was at your stage. Baby was being weighed at home, it wasn't really to do with being weighed I don't think. I think if you explain the distance and the problems with buses she might have other suggestions? It was easy for me as the clinic was about a mile and to get there most of the walk was through a lovely wood. 3.5 miles on a bus would have been daunting for me too.

parttimemary · 30/10/2021 14:44

I had to do this after my second child, I had a relatively straightforward vaginal birth and it was still awful. I remember at the time saying to my DH how hard it must be for women who've had complicated births. I had a PPH after my first baby and could barely walk without feeling faint for the first few days.

So I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and in your shoes I would refuse. To be honest I think it's ridiculous that they ask any woman to do this so soon after birth, let alone in your situation (and yes I appreciate that it's due to funding cuts/understaffing etc and not their fault).

KatieKat88 · 30/10/2021 14:44

OP if you're in England ask to be referred to your local infant feeding team if you want to carry on with breastfeeding- mine were fab. Definitely not too late to get it established if that's what you want Smile

Jujujuly · 30/10/2021 14:46

With both my kids (born 2018 and 2020 so it’s not just a covid thing) I’ve had to go to a clinic for the day 5 check and all subsequent ones (have had to do several weigh ins with each baby). I had vaginal births but still thought it was total shit. It was especially hard with DC2 as not only did I have to get public transport myself but I also had to take DC1 with me. Postnatal care in this country is a disgrace. Good luck OP.

BungleandGeorge · 30/10/2021 14:48

@gogohm

I had my youngest overseas and I had to take her to day 5 and day 14 checks, house calls weren't an option. I think we got used to the idea of home visits here but they are not an effective use of time, the travel between clients mean they need many more staff
I disagree they do a lot of safeguarding work by seeing someone’s home and personal circumstances on a home visit. There are a lot of advantages. Have people missed that you’ve had a c section ie abdominal surgery 5 days ago? And are anaemic unwell?
Megan2018 · 30/10/2021 14:52

Here all appointments are at home, whether you drive or not. Covid hasn’t changed that. My neighbour has a newborn and the midwife has been to her just like they did to me (DD was born pre Covid). I wouldn’t be going anywhere.

turnthebiglightoff · 30/10/2021 14:58

I had a 3rd degree tear, episiotomy wound which was infected, i'd lost 2l of blood at birth and my milk came in the day I had to take ds for the 5 day check - because it was Easter weekend and the midwives wanted to finish at 12.

When I got to the hospital the midwife was horrified that I'd been sent in and I passed out whilst in there and was admitted for an emergency blood transfusion (ended up staying in and having 2).

Refuse to go. 100%.

Original poster
TrappedWindArse · 30/10/2021 14:59

Update for those who didn't see my last post but the midwife is coming to our house tomorrow afternoon around 1, I didn't need to raise the issue in the end as she called me and said she'd be coming to me instead as she can appreciate its hard for me to get about. I'm very relieved.

I do feel for midwives at the minute they're under alot of pressure, especially where I live (London) and it's not great for either them or the mum's.

She said she has 8 ladies to see before me tomorrow so I'm thankful she decided off her own back to come here instead.

OP posts:
PinkPrawns2 · 30/10/2021 15:02

@TatianaBis

I just don’t understand people who don’t learn to drive.

In this situation I would either just not go or make an appointment at your local GP surgery.

The GP won't be able to do the Newborn Bloodspot Screening, nor would they want to do any of the other postnatal/new baby checks.

Just phone and say you can't get to the clinic, can they arrange a home visit instead.

It is to do with the number of midwives available, and how it is more convenient and time efficient (for the midwives) to have women and babies go to them. It's truly rubbish Sad

SunSparkle · 30/10/2021 15:11

They asked me to do the same. I don’t drive and said I couldn’t do it and they sent midwives out to me. They are trying to best use their midwife resources but you have a genuine need. Hold firm and they will come to you.

RosesAndHellebores · 30/10/2021 15:16

@TatianaBis in London, even if the op could drive, it's likely parking placed will be several hundreds of yards away.

At 5 days post CS, the op should still, ideally be in hospital.

To be fair however, when ds was born nearly 27 years ago in London they used to come for 10 days. However I had 4 midwives and two students trail through my house all wanting to gas on and all providing conflicting information. 1 was very good, one good and two were a waste of time and space. They were followed by an equally hopeless 23 year old HV.

When I had dd I put my foot down and said no more than two could visit, they could not trail in with students, they were only to check the baby and not me. Never saw another hv.

Honestly if you can read and are kind, they are unnecessary and when something goes wrong they have to involve the GP anyway.

RosesAndHellebores · 30/10/2021 15:21

Midwifery is in the state it is for two principal reasons:

1 because childbirth is free on the NHS there has been a mantra that wimmin should be grateful - even when standards are sub-optimal; and

2 Diectors of womens' and childrens' services and hospital CEO's have tinkered with the provision of poorer standards from a decreasing budgetary envelope and claimed success on their cvs as a career building block rather than telling the truth.

The system stinks but as women we have let it fester.

BogRollBOGOF · 30/10/2021 15:23

I'm glad the MW is coming out.

Mine had to come out for a while after both the EMS and the VBAC. The tear from the VBAC as well as being incredibly painful, left me crawling up the stairs because it buggered up the SPD so much. I didn't leave the house for a month other than for some of the later appointments. The EMCS left me so weak that after 10 mins standing/ walking a couple of weeks in, I was having to go to bed to recover. Even sitting was draining after an hour or two.

I hate society's expectation that women should ping small humans out of their body and bounce back to normal, even if it's involved major surgery.

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