Are there any jobs without gossipy and bitching staff?

[Romantique]

Sometimes feel like there aren’t, I know it’s also due to my lack of assertiveness and potentially the fact that I’m quiet.

In one job, I had a girl who kept making comments that I was ‘posh’ just because I don’t have the local accent I think, but for instance once I swore as something had exploded in the room, and she said ‘Wow, I thought you’d be too posh to swear’ or ‘I thought you were too posh to use that word’

In my current job, there is a girl I work with every so often. She was talking about a colleague of ours saying “Don’t you think she smells really bad.” I genuinely hadn’t noticed and even if I did I wouldn’t say something like that about someone so I said I didn’t know. She kept trying to goad me and saying come on, you must have noticed it.

I have short hair and like to change the colour and style often. She asked me if I were somebody who liked to experiment with different hairstyles. I said yes and she said “So is that why you’ve not got any hair left?”

She seems to mention every time that clients are ‘really happy to see her’ and I think it’s an insecurity thing really.
I may be overly sensitive but there are people like this in most jobs I’ve had, usually quite young.

I have to work closely with these people on occasion so ignoring them is difficult. Am I being overly sensitive, does anyone else have this ?

I think it can be common with younger colleagues, mainly because of immaturity. When you look at the reality programs it's all about pitching everyone against each other and they forget how real life shouldn't be like that.

Teaching - too busy to gossip! However the students can say nasty things about teachers (and each other) but they're only in the room a few times a week & it's easier to ignore.

@Idony

"Retrain into something high skilled and with high pay. Surround yourself with educated people, not schoolyard thickos."

I haven't found that to be the case. Look at the carry on from politicians. Uneducated doesn't mean thick and educated people can be thick.

YANBU.

My last two jobs I had the sneery endless 'you're posh' digs. As far as I could tell because I have a degree from an ex-poly! And one company had a boss who was a straight-out abusive bully. Both were small family companies.

I'm back working in London where no-one gives a hoot (and my new boss went to Harrow so accusing anyone of being posh would be a bad move ) We're all too busy trying to hit target to have time for bullying or worrying about pecking order. Huge relief!!

Can you change job? Get away from the small-minded?

It does sound like your colleagues don't have enough work to do. Maybe find a busier environment.

@Idony

Retrain into something high skilled and with high pay. Surround yourself with educated people, not schoolyard thickos.

Cruel but true. I've done dimwit office work surrounded by people who can't spell, and moved into a highly skilled field where people are not only clever, they're working hard. There isn't time to be childish because there's actual, real work to do and other intelligent people to cooperate with.

The people I work with are all have a Masters qualification and are highly skilled in their field....they ( including me) all like a gossip....and lots of them enjoy a good bitching session ..... being a bitch isn’t reserved for ‘thickos’ 🙄

@converseandjeans

Teaching - too busy to gossip! However the students can say nasty things about teachers (and each other) but they're only in the room a few times a week & it's easier to ignore.

The most unpleasant and back stabbing colleagues I ever had were in my last teaching job.

Experience still tells me that this kind of behaviour is best addressed on an objective rather than a personal level.

It's very common unfortunately. I think it starts from the top. If managers dont challenge gossiping then people think it's ok to do. My manager is very bitchy, he never has a good thing to say about anyone - then I just know he'll be talking about me the same way.

I am silent when he bitches about people. I let him say his shitty remarks and make him feel foolish when I move on to other topics. Arsehole.

I find working in a city and in a diverse organisation helps - everyone is different in their own way.

@Ionlydomassiveones

Try offsetting that culture by saying (genuinely felt) nice things about people, or their work, behind their back. It satisfies the social need for gossip but it’s amazing how being complimentary can have a positive impact on others and doesn’t add to the toxicity.

Positive feedback works wonders - and if it's also given directly I think it's even better. It doesn't need to go hand in hand with negative comments about other colleagues either.

Regarding working with better educated people- I do think there's something in that.

I'm a HCP where we're mostly Band 6 and above, all degree educated, so a few 22 year olds but largely 25-60, travelling from quite a wide geographical area to work.

Within our department there are another group who are helpers/HCAs, and who tend to be younger (but by no means all!), live locally, Band 2-3, but god, the drama.

Every day there are tears, there's slagging each other off, there's whose boyfriend looked at who 'funny' at the pub last night, there's who can't be rostered with who today because of what one said about another, according to a third....

You just about get none of this with the professionals.

It's absolute utter nonsense that people with better education will not be catty/bitchy/spiteful.

Just when I thought I had heard it all on here!

Really? That's quite a confrontational stance to take, why would you want your colleagues to be 'wary' of you? Your basically just making yourself the biggest bitch in the room....

Because I can't stand this type of behaviour & prolific bitches, so I'm more than happy to call it out. I was also in charge, so it was also my job to make sure my team we're happy & these sorts undermine that, or why would the Op even need a thread 🤷‍♀️

If that makes me the biggest bitch, so be it, I really wouldn't be concerned about anyone who thought that, it would tell me however, that they are to be watched & probably not a suitable team member for a bitch free team

My current and previous workplaces have not been like that. My previous one was just me and three blokes and IME men don’t tend to be like that. My current job is also slightly more men than women but also it’s a quite geeky job and the people are a bit geeky. There is some bitching about management/other departments but work-related, not personal stuff/about individuals.

@RockinHorseShit

Really? That's quite a confrontational stance to take, why would you want your colleagues to be 'wary' of you? Your basically just making yourself the biggest bitch in the room....

Because I can't stand this type of behaviour & prolific bitches, so I'm more than happy to call it out. I was also in charge, so it was also my job to make sure my team we're happy & these sorts undermine that, or why would the Op even need a thread 🤷‍♀️

If that makes me the biggest bitch, so be it, I really wouldn't be concerned about anyone who thought that, it would tell me however, that they are to be watched & probably not a suitable team member for a bitch free team

I still think it's better addressed without resorting to personal comments.

The only job I've had without any kind of gossiping or bitching at all was one technical role that I was in for about 5 years. I was the only woman working with about 12 men. It was great, we all just got on with the job in hand with no workplace politics or big egos. There was no putting anyone down or trying to get in with anyone, perhaps because we were all good at what we did and acknowledged it to each other. We all got on well and socialised normally, though the workplace was just that.

I think it’s pure luck if you end up with work colleagues who don’t indulge in playground bitching tbh. Its not usually an issue if it doesn’t get out of hand but it only takes a couple of bad natured people to poison the well ime.

I think refusing to get into it with the example of discussing how a colleague smells is probably the best way of handling that one, maybe Chuck in some advice to speak to their manager about it if they’re that bothered.

For things like the hair comment, I’m not very confrontational, but I do address it directly. I can see the absurdity of being so blatantly rude to someone’s face so it works for me to laugh like they’ve made a funny remark and say something like ‘did you just say I’ve got bald spots? Fuck me you’re harsh!’. People usually look uncomfortable and either apologise in a round about way or tie themselves in knots trying to justify it (which you can laugh at further).

I think workplaces can have a culture that encourages or discourages bullying, and this comes down from the top. The company itself can influence it with their attitude and the training they have in place, complaints procedures and the managers they choose. I don't completely agree with a pp saying you won't get this in a highly skilled job. It might be a more sophisticated form of bullying or gossiping but it can still exist; but what I do think is that by finding a better company or employer you can improve things and a good employer is sometimes easier to find as a skilled person.

@Idony

Retrain into something high skilled and with high pay. Surround yourself with educated people, not schoolyard thickos.

Cruel but true. I've done dimwit office work surrounded by people who can't spell, and moved into a highly skilled field where people are not only clever, they're working hard. There isn't time to be childish because there's actual, real work to do and other intelligent people to cooperate with.

What a nasty post.

As I said, it's laughable to assume all highly educated people are all lovely, and can never be bitchy. What an ignorant, narrow-minded remark.

Gardener
Childminder
Dog walker
Cleaner/window cleaner
Working from home/business

I still think it's better addressed without resorting to personal comments

I do understand that @ilovesooty, but in my experience that never worked as well as, pointing out in no uncertain terms that you see exactly who they are & don't appreciate the behaviour that brings. It can sometimes make them stop & think about their behaviour too, which can sometimes be all it needs to have them stop. Softly softly has never worked for e in this situation plus I don't really care if a bitch thinks I'm a bigger bitch, so long as they curb the behaviour that makes others uncomfortable

To be honest, it just sounds like.noemal low level mean girls rather than anything totally out of order. The comment about your hair is unacceptable & I can't stand that kind of meanness either, but it sounds pretty normal. I would just carry on blocking it out or be firm and say 'i don't want to comment on other people's appearance/insert here' so they'll stop doing it.

I’m trying to think back. Nope I’ve not worked in a place that is gossip- free. I never engage though so people learn very quickly that I’m not the type of person to try and rope into the kind of thing.
People who gossip about others as a way of bonding are pathetic, really.