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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare for nightshfts

108 replies

misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:25

I was offered a well paying night shift position at the start of the year and it been going great:
My issue is childcare, I'm a single parent to 2 kids 5 + 16.
I have childcare covered for 2- 3 days with no issues but the 4th day I have a retired family member look after them. (4 on 4 off shifts)
The family member is happy to do only the night they choose and it's not always the night I need.
When I took the position they encouraged me to do so and that they would gladly watch them.
My sons grandparent also isn't interested in helping out at all which is fine and I have no other options.
My dilemma is that I'm finding very stressful from week to week to sort out who's looking after them and I can't find any paid childcare who would do overnights in my area that doesn't cost the equivalent to my night wage.
AIBU to quit my job and take a lower paid day job or pay a nights wage for an overnight childminders

OP posts:
MaskingForIt · 29/10/2021 19:27

Pay a night’s wage for an overnight childminder. It’s the best thing to do and you’ll still getting pension contributions and possible career progression.

TillyDevon · 29/10/2021 19:29

Wouldn’t the 16 year old be more than ok in charge ? Or not

NellieBertram · 29/10/2021 19:29

Is your 16 year old not able to babysit overnight?

TillyDevon · 29/10/2021 19:30

If it’s literally while they are asleep and the eldest knows what to do in an emergency I would consider this if they are sensible

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:31

That sounds so sensible. I agree, I've never had an overnight childminder before so not sure where they sleep etc?
I'm more gutted than my family are letting me down.
I know they owe me nothing etc and don't have to watch them ever etc but I'm so sad they would rather I pay a stranger etc than honour what they promised and want to spend time with them. Think that issue is clouding my judgment

OP posts:
XelaM · 29/10/2021 19:32

You have a free babysitter in the 16-year-old!

BunNcheese · 29/10/2021 19:33

I wouldn't bother with the family member it's a big commitment to make OP. 4 nights shifts is a lot too.

I used to do nights too but only 2 and I only managed this as DS dad would cover childcare twice a week so I could work.

I think it's not practical.

kitkatsky · 29/10/2021 19:34

If your night shifts sort of bypass your toungest's bedtime and both happy id go with that? You could offer 16yo a nominal payment if you wanted?

Viviennemary · 29/10/2021 19:34

Its annoying when people renege on promises. But nightshift is always going to be difficult for a single parent. I can't see why the 26 year old couldn't be left in charge. It would be perfectly legally AFAIK.

girlmom21 · 29/10/2021 19:36

I'd pay the 16yo to babysit

ThinWomansBrain · 29/10/2021 19:37

I'd pay the older one to do it than expect it for free - easier to set firm guidelines - but sould be capable at 16.

It could be a "why does a 16 yo need a baby sitter" aspect that is making relative less keen to assist.

Returnoftheowl · 29/10/2021 19:44

Is the 16 year old sensible? Can you leave then in charge of the younger one?

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:44

Sorry he's 15 not 16

OP posts:
Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:45

And I would be more than happy for him to do it as 5 year old is in bed and sleeps all night but I don't think it's legal and I would feel uncomfortable if there was an emergency and they were alone

OP posts:
Asleanna · 29/10/2021 19:49

I would just pay a nanny to look after them. If you have free childcare 3 out of 4 of the shifts then that 1 shift won't put you in debt.

T0rt0ise · 29/10/2021 19:49

I wouldn't want the 15 year old doing all 4 nights but if they're happy to be paid for one night a week I think that would be good for them to earn some money and have a bit of responsibility. Obviously assuming 15yo is responsible and would wake up if 5yo had a problem (I know some that would sleep through a house fire!)

RandomMess · 29/10/2021 19:50

Look for a an older teen/uni student. It's easy babysitting for them.

It is worth it. How long until your eldest is 16?

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:51

15 would be ok to watch a 5 year old all night from 8 pm till 9am the next morning? I didn't think that was legal

OP posts:
Ottersandseals · 29/10/2021 19:52

Overnight childminders? Is this a thing?

I think I’d be a bit unsure about putting a relatively unknown teen in charge overnight. Or anyone for that matter.

I’d look for a day job. Sympathies though OP.

Strangevipers · 29/10/2021 19:53

Yes it's legal for a 15 year old to babysit

You are legally responsible for the child's safety though until your eldest is 16

3 nights with a sitter and one night with your eldest providing your eldest is willing.

If your eldest is happy with this perhaps you could discuss payment and more nights if your eldest would rather look after the younger one than have a sitter themselves

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:54

I have 3 nights covered unless they fall on the weekend which 4 on 4 off so month to month so it's those nights the other family does but now won't commit to.
The family member also won't stay in my house over night and takes them to their house overnight but I have a dog and can't leave him overnight.

OP posts:
hibbledibble · 29/10/2021 19:55

There is no legal minimum op, as it's on a case by case basis. If your 15 year old is responsible and trustworthy and gets on well with the five year old then no reason why not to leave them in charge.

TillyDevon · 29/10/2021 19:58

I definitely would let go of any resentment to the family member who let you down as it was kind to offer but understandable to get cold feet when it is permanent. Most people want to sleep in their own bed and personally I would only want to help someone temporarily in an arrangement like this.
I used to help of my friends by collecting her dc once a week and looking after them until she was home but she resented other friends for not helping for free too and to be honest it put me off doing more as I would never expect it. It’s different in your circs I know though as hard being let down when you had an arrangement .

I don’t know your 15 year old but both our dc are very sensible and I would feel ok with the eldest in charge overnight as long as could ring someone with any concern

Stickyblue1987 · 29/10/2021 20:07

You're in a really tricky situation but I commend you for trying to work hard to provide a life for your kids.

I agree with others that if the 15 year old is sensible then this could be an option. On the 1 night you need could a family member come and help with bedtime then leave? Do you have anyone who could be 'on call' in the event of an emergency? Neighbour, friend etc? Otherwise could you look at maybe hiring a student to stay one night a week. I would've done this for a good rate!

RandomMess · 29/10/2021 20:08

You could send the dog elsewhere, use a dog sitter. Again explaining circumstances they may do a reasonably cheap deal.