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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childcare for nightshfts

108 replies

misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:25

I was offered a well paying night shift position at the start of the year and it been going great:
My issue is childcare, I'm a single parent to 2 kids 5 + 16.
I have childcare covered for 2- 3 days with no issues but the 4th day I have a retired family member look after them. (4 on 4 off shifts)
The family member is happy to do only the night they choose and it's not always the night I need.
When I took the position they encouraged me to do so and that they would gladly watch them.
My sons grandparent also isn't interested in helping out at all which is fine and I have no other options.
My dilemma is that I'm finding very stressful from week to week to sort out who's looking after them and I can't find any paid childcare who would do overnights in my area that doesn't cost the equivalent to my night wage.
AIBU to quit my job and take a lower paid day job or pay a nights wage for an overnight childminders

OP posts:

TurnUpTurnip · 29/10/2021 20:10

Of course it’s legal 🤦🏻 My sister use to babysit kids over night at 13

dancemom · 29/10/2021 20:11

If your 15 year old is responsible i would definitely use them.

HauntedVag · 29/10/2021 20:12

I would pay the 15yo for the 1 night a week that you don't have childcare.

JesterMcFester · 29/10/2021 20:14

I used to have three siblings overnight from 13 - youngest was 8 months.

Usually for four nights a week.

Obviously only you know how mature the 15 year old is.

Rumplestrumpet · 29/10/2021 20:19

I totally get why you're disappointed in your older family member, but as others have said you have to let it go as it won't help you. Maybe use them when you can but find another solution for the other times?

If you'd rather wait until DS is older before giving him this responsibility (personally I wouldn't necessarily be happy unless he was very responsible indeed and had a good set of friends who wouldn't see it as an opportunity for an open house party!)

I used to do babysitting like this when I was 18/19 and really enjoyed it - I wasn't paid the same as 12 hours actually babysitting but it was still a good gig and me and the kids enjoyed it - the kids were early teens so too young to be left alone overnight but really easy and we would make popcorn, have a movie night with pizza in the oven etc.

I'm sure you could get a responsible university student happy to do this - maybe seek a recommendation by word of mouth?

Good luck op

Rosebel · 29/10/2021 20:22

I think I would ask your 15 year old how they feel about it. If they are happy and have a list of contact numbers I'd let them babysit.
Is it just going to be weekends? I only ask as if it's until 9 in the morning how will they both get to school on time?

negomi90 · 29/10/2021 20:23

I think expecting the 15/16 year old to be regular reliable childcare is unfair. He's the age where he may want to go out/see friends make plans.
A one off in a an emergency, fine. But on a weekly basis (including some weekends) really not fair.
Just because he could babysit doesn't mean he should be made to babysit especially not weekly.

Lasair · 29/10/2021 20:25

That’s so tough Op… there must be night time childcare?

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 20:26

@Rosebel

I think I would ask your 15 year old how they feel about it. If they are happy and have a list of contact numbers I'd let them babysit. Is it just going to be weekends? I only ask as if it's until 9 in the morning how will they both get to school on time?

Only weekends yes

OP posts:

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 20:28

I know my son is more than capable but from a legal standpoint and if there was an emergency in the night how would authorities view this?

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 29/10/2021 20:28

It’s not illegal but if anything happened you could be charged with neglect and have SS involvement. I would wait until they are 16.

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 20:30

@MyDcAreMarvel

It’s not illegal but if anything happened you could be charged with neglect and have SS involvement. I would wait until they are 16.

Yes this is my issue. I don't want to cause any trouble for myself or my kids. As much as it's unlikely it's not impossible. I think he is old enough but I might hold off a bit longer and pay a sitter. Where does a sitter sleep? Sounds stupid questions but I've never had overnight babysitters before

OP posts:

underneaththeash · 29/10/2021 20:31

My 15 yo babysits siblings, but I’d never leave him in charge of a 5 year old overnight.
Could you put in a flexible working request for the overnights on just the nights you have covered?

RandomMess · 29/10/2021 20:32

I suppose I would make my bed up with fresh bedding for the sitter so they can sleep there overnight.

What do you do on a weekend after your shift to have a nap or do you manage to keep going?

Ponoka7 · 29/10/2021 20:33

You wouldn't be charged with neglect. They might suggest that you find another babysitter until your eldest turns 16. If your youngest was under 5, then they'd be a bit more concerned. They get involved if it's nights out etc but there's a level of accepting that childcare is needed from older siblings.

Have the 15 year old babysit.

Chocolatewheatos · 29/10/2021 20:35

One night a week with the 15yo in charge is fine I think. And by the sounds of it it wouldn't even be every week.

Ponoka7 · 29/10/2021 20:35

I used to do overnight. I slept in the Mother's bed, but took my own pillow and a sheet to sleep on, but that was just my preference.

PreparationPreparationPrep · 29/10/2021 20:35

I had a friend in the situation for a while but both children were primary age. What about an 18 year old student. I assume they would have to wake about 7am to get your youngest ready for school? - if you are back at 9am would they take them to school the next day or is that a weekend? .

Could you ask in the local area or local Primary school / word of mouth and pay a local student 18 plus who can sleep on an air bed in the sitting room?

EmeraldShamrock · 29/10/2021 20:36

It is nearly impossible to do night work without live in childcare.
Even with the 3 nights covered people can let you down when it isn't an employed person.
I think the job will cause you more stress than its worth.
I worked nights for years it is really tough plus you need sleeping time in the day.

Clementineapples · 29/10/2021 20:36

At 16 you can live on your own, join the army, get a job etc
I’d be paying them to do it.

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 20:37

And I would be more than happy for him to do it as 5 year old is in bed and sleeps all night but I don't think it's legal and I would feel uncomfortable if there was an emergency and they were alone

It entirely depends on your situation whether it is safe for the 15yo to babysit.
Where do you live? Is it urban or rural? Do you know your neighbours?
How soon could you get home in an emergency?

I would leave a responsible 15 year old in charge where we live, but that's because we're in a cul-de-sac of 10 houses in a surburban area, local hospital is 15 minutes away and we're on very good terms with all our neighbours (and have all their contact details so we could easily check that one of them was going to be home). So in an emergency, the 15yo would only have to go to a neighbouring house 5-10 metres away to get adult help.

If you live in a remote farmhouse miles from anywhere with no neighbours and it's going to take you an hour to get home in an emergency, then I wouldn't.

AnotherEmma · 29/10/2021 20:39

Tricky one but there are solutions.

If it was me I would stop the arrangement with the family member. Yes it was unreasonable of them to over promise and under deliver, but I think it's quite common for people to overcommit to doing free childcare and then realise it's too much. Despite doing some of the childcare, they are not reliable enough and it's also less convenient for you (and the children) for them to stay overnight instead of being looked after in their own home. So just stop the arrangement, you tried and it didn't work out, it's disappointing but it is what it is. I'm sure that once you've found a better solution, you'll be able to move on from that arrangement not working out.

Out of the solutions suggested by PPs, I like the idea of finding a responsible student to do overnight babysitting. Someone aged 18+ and maybe someone studying childcare or education (so the babysitting work could be good for their CV). It'll be a reasonably easy job for them. In an ideal world it would be someone who could get on reasonably well with your 15yo so they can enjoy watching tv/films or playing computer games or board games together or whatever.

whynotwhatknot · 29/10/2021 20:42

Does dependon bow mature they are i think i know someone who looked after theyre 3 year old sister at 13 overnight

Would be interested also about the overnight sitters do they just stay awake like a night shift worker?

AnotherEmma · 29/10/2021 20:44

Good point about the neighbours. I would probably leave the 15yo in charge if there was a friendly, helpful neighbour at home in case of emergencies. And would talk to the neighbour about it first to make sure they were ok with it and we had each other's phone numbers etc.

BunNcheese · 29/10/2021 20:45

I had an overnight sitter for a while too. I had a spare room and she would sleep overnight.

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