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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare for nightshfts

108 replies

misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:25

I was offered a well paying night shift position at the start of the year and it been going great:
My issue is childcare, I'm a single parent to 2 kids 5 + 16.
I have childcare covered for 2- 3 days with no issues but the 4th day I have a retired family member look after them. (4 on 4 off shifts)
The family member is happy to do only the night they choose and it's not always the night I need.
When I took the position they encouraged me to do so and that they would gladly watch them.
My sons grandparent also isn't interested in helping out at all which is fine and I have no other options.
My dilemma is that I'm finding very stressful from week to week to sort out who's looking after them and I can't find any paid childcare who would do overnights in my area that doesn't cost the equivalent to my night wage.
AIBU to quit my job and take a lower paid day job or pay a nights wage for an overnight childminders

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 29/10/2021 20:46

@whynotwhatknot

Does dependon bow mature they are i think i know someone who looked after theyre 3 year old sister at 13 overnight

Would be interested also about the overnight sitters do they just stay awake like a night shift worker?

No point staying awake all night. Surely they would sleep but would get up if the children needed them.

Night nannies do that don't they, deal with baby's night wakings but sleep in between.

megletthesecond · 29/10/2021 20:47

I'd change my job. (I'm also a lone parent with no support).
It's not fair on a 15yr old in the last year of school to have to be responsible over night. I wouldn't use a stranger either.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/10/2021 20:53

Overnight sitters aren't cheap, teenager babysitters charge lesser than a professional but they're not cheap for 24 hours.
Unless the night work is paying at least double day work it wouldn't be worth it.

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 20:57

@megletthesecond

I'd change my job. (I'm also a lone parent with no support). It's not fair on a 15yr old in the last year of school to have to be responsible over night. I wouldn't use a stranger either.
It would be a 2 weekends out a month and possibly only 1 night of a weekend. I certainly don't think it's "unfair" He's suggested it himself enough times and it fantastic with his brother. He wouldn't be doing bedtimes or dinner etc just sleeping. He's up all night gaming and watching movies all weekend anyway
OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 29/10/2021 20:57

@EmeraldShamrock

Overnight sitters aren't cheap, teenager babysitters charge lesser than a professional but they're not cheap for 24 hours. Unless the night work is paying at least double day work it wouldn't be worth it.
But it would be worth it if OP only has to pay for childcare for 1 out of every 4 night shifts.
PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2021 20:58

I have to say that I have a 16 year old, 17 year old and 10 year old at home and I wouldnt be happy with them doing overnight care.

I once went to bed early and DS (16) was down stairs in the garden, summer all fine. I said "Dont forget to lock the back door"

In the morning the back door was not only unlocked but swinging wide open "Oh yeah....must've forgot".

A paid professional would not do that! Or have a screaming row with her brother waking the little one up.....or eat all the cereal so there is nothing for breakfast or or or.....

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 20:59

I think it's fine so long as you have a neighbour within sight-line of the house who would be willing to keep an eye out.

RandomMess · 29/10/2021 21:00

If you have neighbours on hand in an emergency or you are easily contactable at work? That would make me more comfortable leaving the older one babysitting.

TBH a 15 year old looking after a sleeping 5 year is probably far far safer than leaving 2 16-18 year olds home together!

EmeraldShamrock · 29/10/2021 21:01

But it would be worth it if OP only has to pay for childcare for 1 out of every 4 night shifts.
Call me cynical around the family member committing for 3 night free childcare every week.
It rarely works out, OP needs to plan for this when taking on night work.

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 21:02

The real issue with day work for me is wrap around care. Breakfast and after school club is full and location wise there are no childminders local who do school pick up and drop off.
I know that's hard to believe but it's true he is at school in a city centre and there is not the demand like there is in the further our areas.
So 9-5 I would struggle with drop off pick ups plus everything wants weekend flexibility.
This job allowed me to have my son watched when he's asleep which is easier for all and less hassle with childcare as was promised so although sleeping myself etc is difficult, when it works out it's fine.
It's just the weeks where it's weekends and no one wants to watch them.
Thanks all for the comments lots to consider

OP posts:
financialadvicenc · 29/10/2021 21:02

I don't understand why you're questioning it? Especially as older one has offered! Pay him a token fee and speak to him about being extra responsible.

There is no law on this, they'd have contact numbers! Some people have their own kids at 15!

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 21:04

@EmeraldShamrock

But it would be worth it if OP only has to pay for childcare for 1 out of every 4 night shifts. Call me cynical around the family member committing for 3 night free childcare every week. It rarely works out, OP needs to plan for this when taking on night work.
The family member didn't commit to 3 nights it was one. But this has transpired into only one night they would like to do rather than the night I need
OP posts:
Floralnomad · 29/10/2021 21:05

If the older one is sensible just let them do it for a bit of extra money , I used to work nights with someone who did similar and it was fine .

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 21:06

@financialadvicenc

I don't understand why you're questioning it? Especially as older one has offered! Pay him a token fee and speak to him about being extra responsible.

There is no law on this, they'd have contact numbers! Some people have their own kids at 15!

I'm desperate to agree with you and I do agree I was more than capable myself at that age and my son is. I'm just worried about anything going wrong and being irresponsible and I'm not sure if it's clouding my judgment. Would I do it if I wasn't desperate
OP posts:
PooWillyNameChange · 29/10/2021 21:09

If I were you, given you're uncomfortable leaving the teen in charge, I'd pay for the overnight care for a year or however long until they're 16 and 6. Yes, you'll be out of pocket for those 4 days a month (if I've read it right) but it won't last forever.

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 21:09

Where do you live? Could your DS walk out of the house and immediately get adult help if necessary? That would be the determining factor for me.

TravelLost · 29/10/2021 21:14

If you are concerned about your 15yo taking that responsibility, I’d say an 18yo, someone like student would be a great bet.

Easy money for them. And it will provide you the reliability you need.

Dutch1e · 29/10/2021 21:17

I'd honestly take up your 15 yr old's offer, at least for a trial month or two. At 15 I'd have been much more comfortable steering the home and caring for a sibling than having a stranger sleeping over

CantBeAssed · 29/10/2021 21:24

In no way would having your eldest babysit be irresponsible. If he is happy to do I would accept his offer. It's not like you will be out partying and living the high life..cut yourself some slack..it's bloody hard job being a single parent and keeping a job down! You and your children are a team, work together as a teamWink

applestamper · 29/10/2021 21:43

I think the key thing is what would happen in an emergency, how quickly could you or someone else get there? Maybe the family member who won't commit to staying overnight in your home on a specific night would commit to calling to check in on your children at bedtime and again first thing in morning, and sleeping beside their phone so they could always respond quickly?

Peppaismyrolemodel · 29/10/2021 21:53

For context when I was 15, I was left to look after 2 siblings (1 infant, 1juniors) whilst single parent was in hospital (2/3 months at a time, more than once). Ss offered ‘support’. Made sure there was a support system (childminder, adults I knew and trusted who I could call)
Single parent was never once threatened with action (despite other, large safeguard red flags).
This was 10 years ago, not much has changed.
It would take them a LONG time to make a referral and take action for similar anyway, and likely your 5 yo would be in secondary by that time.
I think you will be fine.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/10/2021 22:01

Your 15 will be fine.
Ask a neighbour if they could knock in an emergency, the chance of an emergency is slim.
If he has a trustworthy pal who can stay too.

Phalarope · 29/10/2021 22:10

Other way to look at is - good experience/responsibility for 15 yo. A boost in confidence that you trust them enough to do it, and the pride in doing a good job. Could be good all round.

We’ve used paid sitters for overnights in the past but don’t have an old enough sibling to ask!

Darbs76 · 29/10/2021 22:12

I’d use the 15yr old. Get some ring camera if you’re worried, keep an eye on things. I think at 15 & 5 it would be fine once a week

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 29/10/2021 22:13

You can leave a dog overnight. Fuck me.