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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare for nightshfts

108 replies

misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 19:25

I was offered a well paying night shift position at the start of the year and it been going great:
My issue is childcare, I'm a single parent to 2 kids 5 + 16.
I have childcare covered for 2- 3 days with no issues but the 4th day I have a retired family member look after them. (4 on 4 off shifts)
The family member is happy to do only the night they choose and it's not always the night I need.
When I took the position they encouraged me to do so and that they would gladly watch them.
My sons grandparent also isn't interested in helping out at all which is fine and I have no other options.
My dilemma is that I'm finding very stressful from week to week to sort out who's looking after them and I can't find any paid childcare who would do overnights in my area that doesn't cost the equivalent to my night wage.
AIBU to quit my job and take a lower paid day job or pay a nights wage for an overnight childminders

OP posts:
SisforSoppy · 29/10/2021 22:23

How long til the eldest is 16?
My mum was a single parent (my dad died)who worked night shifts. Lovely members of her church took it in turn to do overnight babysitting until the day I turned 16. Then I was allowed. I put the youngest (5) to bed and got him up, dressed and ready for school, got myself ready and my mum was home in time for me to leave and to take youngest to school.

Cheeseplantboots · 29/10/2021 22:24

I have a 15 year old. I’d have no worries about her looking after a 5 year old. Best to take advantage now before they’re old enough to start going out weekends !

There are no laws and you wouldn’t be charged with neglect. When I was just 16 my parents moved 200 miles away to start a business. I lived on my own from that day until I met my now husband 8 years later. You’re only on the end of the phone if there’s a problem.

insatiableme · 29/10/2021 22:26

I would use the 15 year old and pay him as incentive. I used to pay my son if I was ever stuck and he was fantastic. Like op have said leave a list of emergency contacts make sure they are all fed and settled in pjs etc. I think your thinking far too much into the what ifs. It's not illegal.

XelaM · 29/10/2021 22:29

Honestly at 15 I don't see any problem whatsoever

julieca · 29/10/2021 22:37

I wonder if the grandparent was happy to do it, but after having the 15-year-old over and seeing how sensible they are, is wondering why they are needed to babysit a 5 and 15-year-old? That may cause resentment?

Hankunamatata · 29/10/2021 23:23

Friend found her night childminder advertising at college and uni students. She had a trainee nurse and a trainee teacher. Did dbs checks on them and agreed a wage for the night. They slept in friends bed - she brought them their own set of bedding

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/10/2021 23:24

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

You can leave a dog overnight. Fuck me.
Sorry? He would probably bark all night and disturb the neighbours
OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 29/10/2021 23:55

You can leave a dog overnight. Fuck me.
You are aware the dog has no understanding that OP has a new job and will return in the morning.
Of course the family can't disappear overnight without the dog fretting.

ImUninsultable · 29/10/2021 23:58

Your 15 year old can do it.

ImUninsultable · 30/10/2021 00:02

You will not be charged with neglect or have SS involvement because you left your 15 year old looking after a sleeping 5 year old, even if there is a fire or someone breaks in. You're not getting charged with neglect.

There is no legal minimum. As long as you can show it was a reasonable decision, which it is if your 15 year old is capable and has all the emergency contacts and understand fire escapes routes and all that.

I really dont know why you've had to think twice about this.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/10/2021 00:14

Even if the 15 yo can’t look after your 5 yo, which I agree they legally can as long as they are sensible etc., they could certainly look after the dog while 5 yo goes to relative’s. They don’t need to go to the relative surely?

DixonD · 30/10/2021 00:21

@misssunshine4040

15 would be ok to watch a 5 year old all night from 8 pm till 9am the next morning? I didn't think that was legal
What on Earth gave you that idea? Of course it’s legal!
shiningstar2 · 30/10/2021 00:28

If your older child is sensible I would make it worth their while to do it. Lay down some ground rules and pay them some extra pocket money. Far cheaper than an overnight babysitter. Teens are always in need of extra cash. Make it clear that it has to be done properly and that you will check that the 5 year old is happy. Tell the teen it stops if you don't think it's working. Oh and remember to Tel your teen how grateful you are that he/she is so reliable. When I was a teen I used to babysit .. not overnight ...and I felt quite taken for granted. Never consulted about doing it, no extra picket money and never thanked. Not good. Felt quite resentful sometimes. I think if you handle it well, the teen will be glad to do it and u should have no problem.

Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken · 30/10/2021 00:54

The NSPCC guideline is no child under 15 should be left overnight.

TurnUpTurnip · 30/10/2021 00:59

Key word GUIDELINE...

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 30/10/2021 04:00

@ImUninsultable

You will not be charged with neglect or have SS involvement because you left your 15 year old looking after a sleeping 5 year old, even if there is a fire or someone breaks in. You're not getting charged with neglect.

There is no legal minimum. As long as you can show it was a reasonable decision, which it is if your 15 year old is capable and has all the emergency contacts and understand fire escapes routes and all that.

I really dont know why you've had to think twice about this.

Thanks for this reassurance. I doubt myself a lot when it comes to this stuff
OP posts:
TheChiefJo · 30/10/2021 04:30

@T0rt0ise

I wouldn't want the 15 year old doing all 4 nights but if they're happy to be paid for one night a week I think that would be good for them to earn some money and have a bit of responsibility. Obviously assuming 15yo is responsible and would wake up if 5yo had a problem (I know some that would sleep through a house fire!)
This. Ask your eldest if they'd like the responsibility for the shifts you don't have cc and set a rate of pay. Make your expectations clear. If they say yes, then problem solved.
Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 30/10/2021 04:42

Thanks again for all the replies. My 15year old has already said countless times he would be happy to do instead of them having to go to family member and just stay at home etc so this is what I will do.
It will only be a couple of nights a month and only on a weekend so not up for school in the morning or anything like that

OP posts:
surlycurly · 30/10/2021 05:18

OP could you leave the little in with the relative and the older one at home? That solves your dog problem. Or get an au pair. That would also solve your tap around care issue. You would need a spare room...

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 30/10/2021 05:28

@surlycurly

OP could you leave the little in with the relative and the older one at home? That solves your dog problem. Or get an au pair. That would also solve your tap around care issue. You would need a spare room...
No the only relative is the one who won't do the day I need and I don't have a spare room or budget for an au pair. Unfortunately my sons dad is not able and I have no one else willing.
OP posts:
starrynight21 · 30/10/2021 05:55

I'd leave a 15 year old with a sleeping 5 year old. You say they are willing, and no doubt they would have their phone in case of needing to contact you in an emergency. When I was doing night shift this was normal for me - the kids were fine .

Dutch1e · 30/10/2021 10:37

Good update, well done OP

liveforsummer · 30/10/2021 12:55

@Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken

The NSPCC guideline is no child under 15 should be left overnight.
That means left alone - not with an older person, out with that guideline responsible. And it is also just a guildline and not a rule anyway. If you work 4 on 4 off though how is it only going to be a weekend? Sometimes your work schedule will fall to week days only!
ImUninsultable · 30/10/2021 12:58

@Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken

That means alone. No child should be left overnight alone.

A 5 year old with a 15 year old sibling overnight is no cause for concern. I'm a professional in this. There is nothing wrong with it.

LannieDuck · 30/10/2021 13:09

Do you get on ok with the neighbours? Could you leave the 15 year old in charge, but with agreement that he can call on a friendly neighbour in the event of an emergency?