Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

OW being around my child

108 replies

holeofdreams · 27/10/2021 19:07

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

My ex husband had an affair and we separated for a short while, which resulted in him having a short relationship with the OW and she fell pregnant. I stupidly took him back for a couple of years but have since divorced.

The OW and child live a couple of hours away. My ex has taken both children away for a few days and is taking the children to an event near the OW home on the way back and she has asked to join them but I don’t want this woman around my child and told my ex no.

My child has only seen the OW a couple of times for a few minutes and my child said she was nice to them. AIBU for not wanting this woman around my child?

OP posts:

ItsSnowJokes · 27/10/2021 19:12

Yanbu but you can't force it when it is ex's contact time. Just like he can't force who you see when you have your child.

Just put a brave face on.

CloudsandTeacups · 27/10/2021 19:13

I mean YABU, this woman (like it or not) is the mother of your child's half sibling.are you saying you'd never expect to come into contact with the other child at all? How would you feel if it was an event near your home and you couldn't go with your child because OW didn't like it? Whether you like it or not your child deserves to have a relationship with their sibling and it's not like they are asking to take your child away and play happy families for a week. It's one event.

whosaidtha · 27/10/2021 19:13

Trying to foster a nice relationship between your child and their half sibling is a positive thing. Surely. If she's nice I don't see the problem.

Sparklesocks · 27/10/2021 19:15

There’s nothing you can do if he’s with her unfortunately. As long as she isn’t abusive or neglectful. And she is the mother of your child’s sibling so she will be in the picture.

Cactusandmarshmallows · 27/10/2021 19:15

YABU. I know it hurts but she’s not the OW anymore. She’s the mother of your child’s sibling

asteroommatus · 27/10/2021 19:15

Yanbu to not want it.

Yabu to expect him to listen to what you say or for you to think you not wanting means he can't take your dd around her.

Its one of those situations where you are best sucking it up. Not a battle worth fighting.

Leftphalange · 27/10/2021 19:15

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, i don't really see the big deal.

Thehop · 27/10/2021 19:16

I understand your feelings but, gently, you can’t really decide who sees your dd when she’s with either/the other of you. You’re going to have to keep going she is nice and put a brave face on this. It’ll be good for your dd to see their sibling won’t it?

Sciurus83 · 27/10/2021 19:16

I feel for you I really do this must be horrible for you, but she is the mother of your child's half sibling. Whether you like it or not you are connected, and the children should be in each other's lives and that is going to inevitably mean she sees your child

Lockheart · 27/10/2021 19:16

What exactly do you think she will do to your child that you don't want her around them?

She's the mother of your child's half-sibling, whether you like it or not - I fully understand why you don't! And it's likely she'll be in your and your child's life to some extent for good. I'd get used to it now because otherwise you're setting yourself up for decades of arguments, anger and resentment.

SeasonalNamechange · 27/10/2021 19:16

are you worried for your childs wellbeing?

if not then yes YABU

SickAndTiredAgain · 27/10/2021 19:17

YANBU to not be thrilled by it. You’d be unreasonable to dictate who he can and can’t see when he has the children, unless you think they are in danger. Just as he would be unreasonable to dictate to you who you can and can’t see.

DreamerSeven · 27/10/2021 19:17

Yes you’re being massively unreasonable. If there are no safeguarding concerns, who your child spends time with during your ex’s contact time is not for you to dictate.

lynntheyresexpeople · 27/10/2021 19:17

Unfortunately yes you're being unreasonable. She's the mother of your child's sibling.

peboh · 27/10/2021 19:18

It's not unreasonable to feel the way you do, however it would be unreasonable to refuse this. This woman is the parent of your child's half sibling, policing your child having a relationship with their sibling will just cause resentment to grow as they get older.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/10/2021 19:18

yanbu to feel the way you do but yabu to do anything, it's his contact time and upto him. She's your DD's half siblings mother, things like this are going to happen and you're going to have to put a brave face on.

WorriedGiraffe · 27/10/2021 19:19

YABU, she’s the mother of your child’s sibling and will potentially be in their life forever, why make things difficult? Especially when you’ve said yourself she’s nice to your child. I totally get why you don’t want her near your child, but it’s unreasonable to follow through with that in my opinion.

ParmigianoReggiano · 27/10/2021 19:19

I would say this battle isn't worth fighting OP.

Porcupineintherough · 27/10/2021 19:19

I can see why you feel the way you do but, for your childs sake, it is better that they get on. She's just another victim of your heel of a husband if you think about it.

Pandaly · 27/10/2021 19:20

Your ex was very good to have asked you as it's nothing to do with you.

Original poster

holeofdreams · 27/10/2021 19:20

I know everyone's right still hurts when I think of what happened.

Thank you for all the replies.

OP posts:

Pandaly · 27/10/2021 19:20

Try and focus on your future and your child's relationship with their sibling

CagneyNYPD1 · 27/10/2021 19:22

YANBU to dislike it. The situation must sting. But you can't do anything about it. Your DD is with her other parent and they make the decisions. It is healthy for the 2 children to develop a sibling relationship and that may, at times, include the mother.

Not nice for you. But one that you have to grin and bear for your dd's sake. But that does not mean that you have to partake in the fostering of this relationship. That's where you can draw your boundary, for you.

NoraEphronsNeck · 27/10/2021 19:23

@holeofdreams

I know everyone's right still hurts when I think of what happened.

Thank you for all the replies.

I know it must seem so unfair - and there's nothing wrong with airing your feelings about it to your friends/on here - but it really will make a difference to the children's relationship in the long run and that can only be a positive thing.

authenticforgery · 27/10/2021 19:23

You don't get to dictate who sees your child when they're with the father. It's uncomfortable but you need to put it aside for the benefit of the children.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5