OW being around my child

[holeofdreams]

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

My ex husband had an affair and we separated for a short while, which resulted in him having a short relationship with the OW and she fell pregnant. I stupidly took him back for a couple of years but have since divorced.

The OW and child live a couple of hours away. My ex has taken both children away for a few days and is taking the children to an event near the OW home on the way back and she has asked to join them but I don’t want this woman around my child and told my ex no.

My child has only seen the OW a couple of times for a few minutes and my child said she was nice to them. AIBU for not wanting this woman around my child?

Such a terribly tough situation for you. The big picture feels very unfair.

I think you and your child might benefit long term if you can accept the OW. Though I really feel for you as it's an incredibly difficult situation you are in.

Please look after yourself

Unless she has shown she is a threat to your child or a proven threat to children in general there is absolutely nothing you can legally do.

What I can say from experience don't cause arguments, disputes and ill-feeling where you don't need to.

If your ex dropped dead tomorrow your child will still want to see their half-sibling as they have an established relationship with one another. This means your child, and even possibly you will have some interaction with their half-sibling's mother.

It isn't the children's fault what the adults got up to.

You are divorced - time to put these feelings in the past where they belong.

YANBU to feel that way. Deep down I wouldn’t want my child around either of them. Such betrayal and horrid reminder of people doing you wrong

BUT, sadly, this isn’t about you. It is about your child. So really the correct thing to do in this day and age is to let this happen and not give voice to your feelings.

Yanbu, I'd never trust her. I feel for you:(

defo understand why you feel this way but she is his partner

Surprised at how many people are going 'it's fine she's nice'. Doesn't seem that nice to me, when she didn't mind shagging someone else's husband. Kind of the opposite of nice. He's obviously no Prince charming, but she doesn't get a free ticket here into the good books.

Not much you can do though op, but I get why you don't like it. I'd be pissed off too, it's like they are trying to play happy families despite not even being together. It's just weird. That's probably her main aim, get back together with him. More fool her really, he is no prize.

YANBU for feeling the way you do. But I don't see how you can stop him doing this.

Doesn't seem that nice to me, when she didn't mind shagging someone else's husband. Kind of the opposite of nice.
The child has visitation with the father who fucked around much more frequently, but it's the woman he fucked that you have a problem with?

I can see why you feel that way but I don’t think there’s anything you can do especially as the children are siblings but I do get why you wouldn’t like it

She is not the ow
She is the mum of your kid's halfsibling
Time to get over it op.
Your kids deserve a good relationship with their half sibling.
Stop being sour over something your ex Dh did. Blame him. Not her

I don't see why so many PP's think a relationship with a half-sibling by a woman who is no longer even the partner of the OP's child's father is so important.
Which is slightly off-topic, I suppose.

I don’t think it is important, not sure anyone is saying that? Just that it’s impossible to totally avoid her child never seeing Or being around the other child’s mother

I have no half siblings but I love my cousins who I guess are similar. It might be that the two children don't form a close relationship but hopefully they will because I love my sister and I'd like everyone to enjoy a similar relationship with a sibling, full or half. I can't believe peoole don't think a half sibling could ever be important in another's life.

No one is saying the sibling relationship isn’t important? I was answering a PP above who asked why the relationship with the other mother is important

It’s really terrible you have to deal with this. It’s truly galling and awful and even reading about it makes me irate.

You know what you have to do though. For the sake of your son you suck it up and deal with it graciously. And you can do it, and while you do be very very proud of yourself and your own strength of character.

As you are divorced and it's your ex's contact time, I suspect there is little you can do.

I don't agree however with the posters who say it's important for your DC to have a relationship with their half sibling. What if you and ex were still married? In those circumstances, Hell would freeze over before I'd be willing to let him take our child to see the former OW and the other child.

Totally understand your feelings, but as everyone has said, so long as she's no danger to your child then yeah, sadly, you are being unreasonable.

Sucks, hey.

But I imagine it sucks somewhat for her too - not to be around your child, that's not what I mean - but to know that she fell for whatever lies he told her and she had a child to this feckless cheater. She must have known he was a cheater (I say "must have", that's an assumption, I know) and now she too is a single mum, tied forever t your child as her child's half sibling.

I'm not expecting or even suggesting that you have sympathy for her - that would be mad! - but your ex is the problem here, more than the OW.

You may not like OW with good reason as she had an affair with your ExDH when you were married and had DCs. However , I'm afraid you can no more dictate what he died in his child contact time with your shared DCs than he can to you.

You can ask him. But, this other child is your DCs half sibling whether you like it or not and your DCs will have a relationship with them. If you try to prevent it, it'll bite you when they are teens and asking why you tried to keep them apart from their family - even though the other child isn't your family. Just let it happen and don't try to interfere. I can understand that will feel hard but you're divorced now. You live separate lives.

I'm a first wife too, my DCs have half siblings , I don't know them but my DCs do. They tell me about them sometimes - I just listen and don't comment. You have to let go of the hurt some time or it'll eat you up from inside.

Argh auto incorrect!! *'does' not 'died'!!

Whoops re read it's the OW you have issue with them seeing not half sibling. But same applies to OW. She's the mother of their half sibling, and your exDH can choose who he spends time with on child contact.

This is one of those situations where you have to slap a big smile on your face and grit your teeth behind the smile.
Honestly why did he your Ex even you she'd be there it served no purpose other to hurt you.
When I was in your situation. I smoked sweetly and said 'of course what you do in your contact time is up to you just as what I do is up to me.'
Broke my heart, but I never let him or DD see that.

I completely understand how you feel but I do think YABU. He can choose to have this woman round the kids anyway on his time with them.

Very wise post @Lonecatwithkitten

That's a really difficult situation when she's the reason your marriage ended. However your ex is the one who cheated and she's the one left holding the baby. As others say your dc should know their sibling and I think you need to try to accept it.