My husband is Japanese, he moved over here when he was 14. All my family are white. He is a really amazing guy, is a great dad, treats me really well and we get on so well. Our relationship is far more healthy than any previous relationship I was in. We've been together 6.5 years and have a 3 year old daughter. I am sure my parents would love him if he was white.
They have always been very rude to him, talk to him as if he doesn't speak English very well, frequently make a disgusting racist joke about asian people, always refer to him as being Chinese, still don't know how to say his name properly. They have accused me of only dating him because he was rich, which is completely untrue and our incomes are very similar. I've called them out on this repeatedly from the start but this hasn't helped, they just deny they are being racist and pretend that they are the victims.
When we first got together his parents where uneasy about him dating me and wanted him to be with an Asian girl but now I get on quite well with his family. I had hoped a similar thing would happen with my family and they'd eventually change their attitude towards him.
After a while I decided that if we were spending time with them and they made a racist comment we would immediately leave. This improved things somewhat initially.
I hoped things would get better when our daughter was born, however they have not. She looks Asian and they treat her much worst than my sister's children. We're raising her bilingual and she frequently says a Japanese word or phrase in her English, which is completely normal. My parents told her off for doing this and have spoken to me about how we're confusing her by raising her this way. They've also said bad things about Asian culture to her, which makes me so angry. Recently I've tried to see them less often and when I do try to see them alone. Obviously Covid has helped with this. My husband says that although he is hurt by them and doesn't like spending time with them, they are family and will always be. And that he loves me and they are a big part of my life and so he wants to keep making an effort. One time we got a babysitter for an evening and they found out about this and told me she should stay there and I should have asked them. I was honest and told them I didn't want her to spend time with them alone when they repeatedly said awful and not true things about Asian culture in front of her. They decided that he had pressured me into this and that this was a sign of abuse and sent me an article on how pressuring someone from spending time with family was a key sign of abuse. This is completely untrue and he has always encouraged me from continuing to make an effort with them.
Obviously I've spoken to them so many times about this and nothing gets through to them and I am so angry. I feel so awful that they are treating the 2 people I love the most so horribly. My sister agrees with me about their behaviour and has spoken to them too but this didn't work either.
Recently I saw them and they were criticising him and comparing him unfavourably to my sister's husband and some of my exes. They kept on mentioning how they now think he is stopping me spending time with them and how they thought this was abuse. Ridiculously they were comparing him unfavourably to an ex who was abusive. I got so angry with them and told them that I no longer wanted them to be in our lives and didn't want to see them anymore.
My husband thinks this is an over reaction as they will always be family. And my sister and a couple of my friends agree. I do feel awful at the thought of cutting them out of our life when they have made so many sacrifices for me and I have lots of happy memories with them. However I just can't keep watching them treat my husband and daughter like that and can't keep putting them in that situation and feel awful for having done that for so long. If anyone other than my parents were doing this I'd have cut ties ages ago. Do you think I am right to cut contact with them or is it an over-reaction?