To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

In the early 2000s I worked for someone (in a large multinational) who had the mantra "Just Fuckin Do it" and would sign off emails JFDI

To reiterate ...

@MagicWorkout

I wonder if we used to work together - many a JFDI directive was issued from an old CFO…

Further to my previous emails, could you please let me know.... = how many fucking times do I have to email you before you respond ?

"I trust" = you'd bloody well better do it
For example "I trust my account will be credited immediately", "I trust you have made appropriate arrangements"

"I believe you are mistaken" = you're lying

@MrsMadderRose that’s true actually now that I think about it

I refer you to my previous report = look numpty, I’ve telt you already
Kind regards = Go fuck yourself
Happy to discuss = Belt up. I’m not having any more of your shite
Evidence suggests = Look bellend no one agrees with you not even De Google
Happy to discuss further = please don’t pester me or send any more emails. Ever

[quote Merryoldgoat]@MagicWorkout

I wonder if we used to work together - many a JFDI directive was issued from an old CFO…[/quote]
It wasn't a CFO. I suspect neither man was quite as original or edgy as he believed

Evidence suggests = Look bellend no one agrees with you not even Dr Google

Kind regards is being polite

Regards suggests you are annoyed

@NoYOUbekind

Hope that helps? = I do want to help you out here

Hope that helps! = you are a fool. You should know this shit. It's literally your job.

HTH = I hate you.

I also like the formal "I trust this is helpful"

People who send you a "polite reminder" of a deadline you're working towards and on track to meet. You'd have met it anyway but you can't stop them smugly believing the fire they imagine the lit under you was both necessary and effective. 🤬

@MagicWorkout mine was a woman!

This thread is a goldmine that I’ll be stealing from a LOT.

I once received an email from a colleague (who I get on really well with) who clearly had not read the message he forwarded to me from one of his more junior staff which was complete nonsense.

He then chased me up for a response a week later.

I responded with “I read your email, and am waiting until I calm down sufficiently to respond, to avoid saying something I might regret. I have not yet reached the point where I feel I can respond”.

My boss asked me if I had really sent that? I did.

To be fair to my colleague, he then read what he had sent and apologised for forwarding it without reading it.

[quote Merryoldgoat]@MagicWorkout mine was a woman!

This thread is a goldmine that I’ll be stealing from a LOT.[/quote]
You know I did think, as I wrote it, that you hadn't said it was a man, but I felt sure it must be

@MagicWorkout

In the early 2000s I worked for someone (in a large multinational) who had the mantra "Just Fuckin Do it" and would sign off emails JFDI

It’s rare for the factually accurate opportunity to come up AND for me to hate the recipient, but on the odd occasion when the stars align I've been delighted to sign off with a cheerful ‘see you next tuesday’.

"Gentle/polite reminder..." Do it today or you're in trouble
"Regards": Get fucked.
(in reply to a long email chain): "As x has pointed out below"... this email chain has gone on too long. Get fucked and listen to what x said ten messages down.
"Dear all, it has come to my attention that _": One person has done something I don't like. But I can't be arsed to address it personally, so you can all get the rollocking, and the individual person is probably too thick skinned to realise it actually specifically applies to them.

@cricketmum84 I use all those 🤣

But for as per my previous email, I always write “Please see attached…” this means fucking read it knobhead and then do what I asked you to do!

@HunterHearstHelmsley

"Best" as your sign off really means "see you in hell"

One of the best comments i have ever seen here 😂😂😂😂😂

I'll just leave this here...

I may or may not be guilty of most of these

I LOVE this thread!

I use "as per X" and "as previously discussed" to cover my own arse at the moment.

The team I have to work with are so fucking awkward and ask the same things over and over. I then get from one of the managers (who is never fucking there, so would ALSO know if he actually bloody came to the meetings) "why hasn't x been done/clarified/completed?". It has. These people are just too belligerent to actually take it in and work this way because they don't like it so if I can point out that actually, I have told them the process and they acknowledged it afterwords, it means I don't get pulled up on it later.

I cannot wait until February when we can just hand this off to them and it becomes their problem to bitch amongst themselves about.

See below.

When asked something I've already answered loads of times, or for something I've sent separately and they haven't been arsed to read properly.

Am looking forward to some pass agg in the work place tomorrow.

My favourite, in response to long-winded emails where the sender has tried to 'put me in my place', and draw me into a tedious email exchange of arguments, is 'Thank you for your email, the contents of which have been noted' with no other words at all.

But YY to dropping of 'Dear' and 'Kind'. Classics for a reason.