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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

409 replies

amazeandastonish · 26/10/2021 18:54

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

OP posts:
MrsMadderRose · 26/10/2021 21:16

I sign off "best" - it's quick and I like it. Best wishes is for more formal situations. I never use any kind of regards but sometimes just don't use a sign-off at all if it's someone I know well.

But I use it all the time so I don't think people are offended.

It's so true about the exclamation marks - I saw a report on a study where they'd found that women often use them to signal friendliness in emails rather than for emphasis. I do that and like a PP I edit them carefully for the right amount of "cheery!" but trying to stay this side of "I'm mad me!!!"

FortunesFave · 26/10/2021 21:17

I often say "regards". I run my own business remotely and have a pretty abrupt style I'm aware. My name is also unisex and I know a lot of people I do business with assume I'm a man...which is fine by me.

When I first started my business, I was shy of charging what I'm worth until a male colleague of sorts said to me, "If you're in doubt, think what you might charge and then double it"

So I tried it and it bloody worked!

CorvusPurpureus · 26/10/2021 21:18

From any SLT colleague who teaches a couple of lessons a week in the department:

'I think Harriet & Ian have obviously put in a huge amount of work on this & it's brilliant. Can we discuss in the Department Meeting on Tuesday before finalising anything?' = 'Harriet, I'm about to massively undermine you as Head of Department. & Ian, I believe this was your idea. You should spend this evening dusting off your CV as frankly, you're toast'.

Etinoxaurus · 26/10/2021 21:18

I use ‘just a gentle nudge’ to mean ‘ffs we’ve discussed this a gadzillian times you idiot”
I think there have been crossed wires = you’re lying, and I’m calling you out on it.

Lorw · 26/10/2021 21:19

Some of my colleagues at work will try get sneaky and copy in the line manager when they obviously haven’t read my emails, I put a copy of the email trail into my reply and put ‘as per my email attached’ obviously making sure the line manager is also copied in so they know my colleague is a bit of a knob - a small win in a company filled with people who don’t read emails 😁

FortunesFave · 26/10/2021 21:19

@MrsMadderRose

I sign off "best" - it's quick and I like it. Best wishes is for more formal situations. I never use any kind of regards but sometimes just don't use a sign-off at all if it's someone I know well.

But I use it all the time so I don't think people are offended.

It's so true about the exclamation marks - I saw a report on a study where they'd found that women often use them to signal friendliness in emails rather than for emphasis. I do that and like a PP I edit them carefully for the right amount of "cheery!" but trying to stay this side of "I'm mad me!!!"

Oh yes! I must say I don't particularly like them. I avoid them...but that's because as I said upthread, I often don't correct those thinking I'm a man because research shows people are less likely to quibble over price with a man. And as a freelancer I don't want quibbles!
Lorw · 26/10/2021 21:20

@Lorw

Some of my colleagues at work will try get sneaky and copy in the line manager when they obviously haven’t read my emails, I put a copy of the email trail into my reply and put ‘as per my email attached’ obviously making sure the line manager is also copied in so they know my colleague is a bit of a knob - a small win in a company filled with people who don’t read emails 😁
I also love a good ol’ smiley face Grin
AtlanticCityProof · 26/10/2021 21:21

I once called someone David instead of Dave in my salutation. He copied his boss in his reply proffering his resignation.

MrsMadderRose · 26/10/2021 21:21

It is very British, and like the cultural norms of many societies, it's a bit obscure and hard for outsiders to get, but it's part of the great eccentricity and awkwardness of being British, and we're kind of stuck with it. Also, the system kind of makes allowances for people who don't get it or bother with it. Everyone knows X in accounts is really blunt but doesn't mean to offend, Y is an all-round fuckwit and Z is a rude grumpy old arse, and makes allowances IYSWIM.

ThePlumVan · 26/10/2021 21:21

‘As per our conversation today’ = I’m putting everything in writing because you’re a lying lier who’s screwed me over before and I now need to cover myself for all our interactions and I wish you’d just leave.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 26/10/2021 21:22

@TwinklyBranch

If you need any more information, please let me know = fuck off and stop asking stupid questions

Oh no, I say this all the time. Thought I was being helpful!

Me too - I really can’t be fucked with trying to fucking second guess the hidden messages
MagicWorkout · 26/10/2021 21:22

I used to use a lot of exclamation marks (one at a time) believing it made something that could come across as abrupt a bit more lighthearted, until my assistant gave me some helpful constructive feedback....

mumda · 26/10/2021 21:23

'Happy to discuss' bitch wasn't happy to discuss when I rang here she was outraged I'd got her number from our internal contact sheet. The sheet designed for our contact details to share between us in case we needed to ring each other up.

Someone I know signs off b/w which I assume means best wishes but it might not.

I delete loads of exclamation marks before I send. Have avoided using bold on emails or underline anything.

I have at least two colleagues who don't reply quickly to emails and one who doesn't for over a week.
One of the slow responders is either stupid and able to break a reply all or is an evil old witch who deliberately misses people out who she disagrees with.

I think I need to number points in emails though. People read the first bit but not the second and then only respond to the first point.
I wish I could put to answer click here in an email but suspect people would get offended I thought they were stupid.

Hippyshubbie · 26/10/2021 21:23

"Do you want to share your screen?"

I'm not saying I don't believe you or that I think you are clicking in the wrong place... but prove it.

Sunbeam18 · 26/10/2021 21:24

I got an email from someone once that had 'Wow, technology!' as part of the signature

spookysoul · 26/10/2021 21:24

Agree about the exclamation marks. If I’m worried that what I’ve written sounds too bossy/haughty, I add a few exclamation marks to sound more jovial 🤣

MrsMadderRose · 26/10/2021 21:25

Actually now I think about the exclamation marks, it's only other women this happens with, and we all do it. I don't do it when I email men because I instinctively feel they will see "friendly!" as "dappy cow!"

Nc123 · 26/10/2021 21:27

“For the avoidance of doubt” = “get your listening ears on, shit head”

I had a boss with an Asian first name, let’s call her Shabana as that wasn’t her name, who rolled out “for the avoidance of doubt” when she was really pissed off. Notably to people who got her name wrong, which careless people often did….

“Dear Farzana…”
“Thank you. To be aware, it’s Shabana….”
“Hi Shabnam, as we discussed…”
“For the avoidance of doubt, my first name is Shabana.”
Someone once got her name wrong a third time and she rang them up and carpeted them. I adored her and channel her when I need to get tough with people.

MagicWorkout · 26/10/2021 21:30

@spookysoul

Agree about the exclamation marks. If I’m worried that what I’ve written sounds too bossy/haughty, I add a few exclamation marks to sound more jovial 🤣
My colleague kindly explained to me that it actually has the opposite effect and makes it look more aggressive.
DukeofEarlGrey · 26/10/2021 21:33

@shakingmytambourineatyou

I have attached my previous email to help
Haha, yes! Or just the attachment without any reference to it - ninja pass agg move.
Keladrythesaviour · 26/10/2021 21:34

@LoathesomeLinsey

I know someone who always says "just a gentle reminder that..." to give actual news! So like, "just a gentle reminder that we will be meeting at the bar for drinks at 8pm". I always read it in a tone like "ffs have you still not done that work I asked for"? But when she does it, she 100% does not mean it passive aggressively.

Like op, I'm a big fan of "per my last email".

Also, my secret fuck you is "kind regards".

Socially, if I switch from "love from Linsey" to "best wishes", you are dead to me.

Ugh I have a colleague who always says "Can I remind you to do xyz" and I will always say - hang on, I've not been asked to do that before! To which they say, "I know, that's why I am asking you".

I think some people are confused by what 'remind' means as a word!! It makes me see red every time.

Merryoldgoat · 26/10/2021 21:35

‘Best’ = fuck off I hate you.

NativityDreaming · 26/10/2021 21:35

I will take your feedback under advisement = fuck off

givingupchocolatemonday · 26/10/2021 21:37

I say a lot of these but in a nice way! Maybe people think I'm being rude!! Shock

EspressoDoubleShot · 26/10/2021 21:37

@cricketmum84

Warm regards is my usual email sign off. If I take the Warm off then you know you are in shit.

As per my previous email = I've already fucking told you this

To reiterate my point = how many fucking times do I need to tell you

Please see below -= we have already been through this dickhead

Please speak with X = they actually get it and can explain is dumb fuck terms for you

Please let me know if you have any queries = PLEASE DONT!

Agree with all the above