To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

'I believe John clarified this in his email of & I am having to report back to him...' = 'I'm scared of John. You should be, too. JFDI or he'll come for us both'.

With a possible subtext of 'look we both know John's a total knob, but honestly life's too short. Send him the sodding data, it's not like he'll have any idea what he's looking at, but it'll keep him busy.'

I love so many people are like me - dropping "kind" from "kind regards" is also my power move .

Some other favourites:

Going forward I would prefer that you... = You messed up. Don’t do it again.

Reattached for your convenience = I’m not going to redo work for you.

As no doubt you are aware… = You know this already, and denying that will now make you look stupid.

Do let me know if I misunderstood… = Excuse me, but I’m pretty sure I understood.

Friendly reminder = It’s not friendly. You’ve had more than enough time – where’s what I asked for?

"Reattached for your convenience" is a GREAT shout! Code for I've already sent it you lazy shit.

We don’t have email but use WhatsApp.. my favourite passive aggressive is “regards” or “with respect”

Warmest regards always sounds sarcastic to me. I'm not sure why.

@Albertinier

Warmest regards always sounds sarcastic to me. I'm not sure why.

I used to work for a national gym chain. All the gym based staff signed off their emails with "healthy regards". Made me chuckle every time!

I have a manager who says one thing then claims something different. Now when ever I see her coming near me about to ask something I just tell her to put it in an email, so I have it in writing. I bcc all responses to her line manager.

I'm so saccharin is vomit inducing, but I will win.

My best was 'Hope you have a lovely holiday' when she'd just destroyed my first one in years by cancelling my AL after I'd made my booking. One day she'll eat my shit and thank me for the privilege.

Is there any email sign off which isn’t sarcastic or passive aggressive?
God, I miss telexes. There was a cost per character. Short, sweet and efficient.

@Empressofthemundane

Is there any email sign off which isn’t sarcastic or passive aggressive? God, I miss telexes. There was a cost per character. Short, sweet and efficient.

I normally finish mine with "Thank you", which I'm now wondering comes across as PA or sarcastic!

[quote hotmeatymilk]@ABitOfAShitShow I would 100% interpret a single initial sign-off as “one last fuck you, by the way”[/quote]
Interesting. I guess everyone knows that’s my standard (lazy) sign-off. I seem to have inspired others to join in too. 😂

‘Regards’ from me is a massive ‘fuck you’. I usually only do it in response to rudeness - not all the other fuckery that inspires ‘as per my last email’, ‘I hope that’s clear’, etc.!

Not a phrase but something I've found myself doing with a few people lately when they're failing to do something that is necessary so I can then do my job is to chase them up by forwarding my last chaser / the original request email and adding the new email to the top.

'As discussed' features a fair bit with these exact same people as done 'as I'm sure you're aware'

I've only ever used 'regards' twice and pp's are right, I was absolutely fuming 😂

Bit surprised at the 'let me know if you need any help / have any questions' though - a lot of my job is getting people to do things they may not have done before so I add this a lot and genuinely mean I want them to contact me if they get stuck!

“So, just to clarify” = so I will say it again dickhead

Not an email but a nod to the Queen and the place for their use of "recollections may vary" after the Oprah has to be the most polite way of calling out someone out.

@cricketmum84 I might try that one. "Healthy regards" would really mess with heads where I work.

@NeverChange

Not an email but a nod to the Queen and the place for their use of "recollections may vary" after the Oprah has to be the most polite way of calling out someone out.

😂 I was thinking about this just today! I can’t remember the prompt.

BW

I hate you so much I can't even type 'best' at the end of an email

I volunteer in an admin role for a charity. We regularly get emails from 'experts' in the event were organising about how we should run the event more effectively. My standard response is...

Dear Wanker,

Thank you for contacting us about the event 'named charity' are running.

The event is covered by 'specialised public liability insurance' and our highly trained and DBS vetted volunteers have carried out an event and location specific risk assessment.

We are a charity that is run by volunteers and I can see that you are very knowledgable (they've usually covered their qualifications in the complaint email) on this type of event, so are very willing to listen to your thoughts and suggestions. We are always looking for new volunteers, whether it's to help in an advisory capacity or to be physically present as a volunteer at our events. You would be very welcome to join us.

From,
Charity admin that knows you will volunteer when hell freezes over, and also knows that you've forgotten we're just a very small group that doesn't get paid for this shit and now, hopefully, feel a bit embarrassed for asking about whether a VOLUNTARY donation (or whatever the matter in question) is necessary.

This is just a rough idea, but I usually manage to swing it around into subtlety (more subtlety than above, but I needed to be vague) asking them if they want to volunteer. Generally, the complainer gets a bee off their bonnet by complaining and then shuts up, they're far too busy making complaints than actually help with anything.

Ah yes, the queen is literally the queen of PA statements

might even steal that one

I'm a big fan of "as we discussed" leading up to "if you need any further help on this topic please let me know" but only if there are others on cc.

If there is nobody else on cc i call them. I have A Tone.

I always thinks 'thanks for this' or 'thanks for that' can be read both ways.

@BoomChicka

If I switch from "Hi Dave" to "Dave," then Dave is dead to me. I've only ever done it once!

I never write 'Hi Dave'. It's always just 'Dave,'.

I had no idea that it was seen as being a bit snippy!

@hotmeatymilk

I once worked with someone for whom Kind Regards or Regards was too much. He signed off: KR.

Stone cold!

A fella who I used to work with ended emails with 'TVM'.

Which I quite like, actually.

Oh no, I often drop the "hi" especially if emails are going to and from me and the receiver.
I hope that it doesn't read as being snippy!

"Great start" - spend another two days on this and you might be getting past 5% of why I expected.

"Couple of comments" - redo the whole thing

"Should we include x in the document?" - include this immediately

Hope that helps