To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

Some of mine -

I await your response by return = get your arse into gear!

Kind Regards = Good, Regards = Don't push it or else!

If I understand correctly = How many times do you need to be told and here I go again...

“Regards”: no problem.
“Kind regards”: don’t start
“Kind Regards”: fuck off

Pmsl laughing I have wrote ‘I hope you are well’ many a time before asking a favour lol

Thanks in advance - I expect this done immediately and without argument

Help me understand - explain what the fuck you were thinking

One of my colleagues puts xx at the end of any email she thinks the recipient won't like. Sometimes it's the only way I know I'm supposed to be upset

On a slightly different note, I hate the sign off
‘Best,
Peter Rabbit (name!)’

What does ‘best’ mean??

@Dee1975

On a slightly different note, I hate the sign off ‘Best, Peter Rabbit (name!)’

What does ‘best’ mean??

Best regards. Like one up from kind regards.

Why do you play games at work?

Because if I wrote what I really thought to Sarah, who is an absolute idiot, I’d be sacked or at the very least look unhinged because she’s the most infuriating person I’ve ever met. You have a phone call, think she’s understood, then she emails a follow up demonstrating she’s not understood at all and has cc’d everyone in to try to force me to agree to the thing I’ve said no to. Then I have to publicly and very politely say no Sarah you cannot have your own corporate Twitter feed because last time you tried you accused a whole department of our organisation, and anyone in the country in the same role, of being racist (with no basis) because your definition of racism varies to that of the dictionary
I have to re-write emails to her so carefully it takes up far to much of my time!

Call me literal-minded but when you said x I expected x.

Most of the time I didn’t even bother with passive aggressive, I found threatening to kill people’s children got better results.

I’m with you, OP - ‘as per my last email’ is my favourite.

I also like to use ‘regards. Janet’ (not my name) instead of my usual ‘thanks. J’ when I’m particularly fucked off and want someone to know.

"Any further correspondence will be read with interest, but may not be responded to."

WINNER in complaints

The one that drives me nuts is when people don't put a salutation and go straight to your name. It always feels so aggressive but our entire leadership team do this. I just don't get it.
The other thing is people saying 'I hope your well' and spelling you're incorrectly. I want to reply 'You hope my well what?... never runs dry?' but I haven't had the nerve!!

What does ‘best’ mean??
Best wishes – my standard sign-off externally. (Internal gets you: Cheers!) If I’m in a rush or think you’re a cunt, you get “Best”.

I’m still reeling from leaving an industry where EVERYONE signed off “Drinks soon! Hotmeatymilk xx” so all email sign-offs look like seething hatred to me.

The best thing to do

Without a doubt:

Arrange the first letter of every line

To be read vertically.

Some great opportunities for creativity.

@stillonthattightrope

I hate this shit. Yes some of my colleagues can be annoying but I'm grown up enough to manage this without pass agg bollocks.

Agreed

Yep, I’m done many of these things genuinely not meaning to be passive aggressive.

Regards, kind regards, best, Ta,…..to me it’s all just a sing off.

Unless you wrote ‘bye bye twat face’ I’m not going to pick up on it.

Perhaps i should clarify=muppet

Find attached our recent email communication for your attention= lying bastard

Hate these threads.

I use a lot of these and really don't mean it in a mean way

@ABitOfAShitShow I would 100% interpret a single initial sign-off as “one last fuck you, by the way”

Emails that start with just a first name followed by a full stop. And end wirh thanks followed by a full stop. For example:

Dave.

(Here's why you're a prick).

Thanks.

Had to hand somebody proof today that they had fucked up, not the person they were trying to blame. I said ‘hope this helps’ 😂

Ha ha love this in my job I get a million emails a day will remember the ‘ noted thanks’ when I next get a arsey email .
Yes absolutely I say ‘regards ‘ instead of kind regards when I’m fuming .
I always say ‘as per my last email ‘ all the time because quite often they are not reading my bloody email and often are just repeating themselves like they will get another answer . So many unnecessary emails and they wonder why you don’t always reply .
Has anyone got a good reply for when you want to just say fucking let me get on with some work instead of this steam if emails .

Gosh what a mine field.

So glad I start every email with Dear John, Jane, etc and end it with Best wishes, first name. If I'm really, really irked I may just leave my signature.

‘Dear Fiends’ was a genuine mistake, I think, but why not give it a go.

It's such a British thing to be obsessed with this passive aggressive stuff. I get the humour.... done it myself. Used to, anyway. But it is rather sad. It's really not a healthy mentality at all to always assume the worst about people. And before people think I'm being righteous - I am not. Just as I see it.