To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

"With respect..." = oh my god, you utter muppet for whom I have no respect whatsoever, you are SO WRONG!

Many thanks
Fuck off

Type what you really want at the bottom of your reply then change the writing to white (or whatever colour your email background is) 🤣

Have a great day! (After an obviously sarcastic/PA email)

Well I use a few of these.

If I say thank you, I mean thank you

If I say hope that makes sense, I mean I hope that makes sense.

If I say thanks that's really helpful, I mean I found your message helpful

If I say gentle reminder I mean I'm giving you a gentle nudge. If I'm pissed off that you've missed a deadline, I'll tell you that.

Why do you play games at work?

Oh i hate those gentlw reminders. Always about something corporate which we're all too busy to do.
Hi colleagues, just a gentle reminder to uodate your zodiac sign on the hr system by COP TODAY.

I like to respond to particularly rude emails with

“It’s lovely to hear from you”

It’s intended to mean “get off your fucking high horse pal”

I hope you are well
If you are dead that might be an excuse for your poor performance to date

And now I shall have to spent even longer composing, reading and re reading the emails before I press send.
Honestly, I don’t mean things the way any of you take them!

I hope you are well in my book indicates im abojt to ask a favour and so feel i should pass pleasantries first

I find FYI so rude, I've never used it.

Why do you play games at work?
To assuage the boredom, misery and sense of creeping dread that I’m wasting my life writing pointless emails back and forth until I die just to pay for the ridiculous cost of living on this rainy fascism island. Why?

@hotmeatymilk

Why do you play games at work? To assuage the boredom, misery and sense of creeping dread that I’m wasting my life writing pointless emails back and forth until I die just to pay for the ridiculous cost of living on this rainy fascism island. Why?

Any back and forth needs someone to pick up the phone If it can't be resolved in less than three emails, email isn't the medium iMO

My wardrobe consists of black/pinstripes/dark grey (old goth) and I have a particular outfit which I consider my wedding/christening/funeral attire. Thankfully I rarely attend any of these. I had a black suit custom made for my mother of the groom outfit which will have many more outings minus one of the accessories forming part of the suit. Buy a good wool coat it will serve you well.

@MagicWorkout Oh GOD not the phone. I unplugged mine years ago, wretched thing. Might just turn my emails off too.

Never understood what passive aggressive means. Usually end with kind regards or best wishes if I don’t know someone that well.

I’ll just leave this here

I don't see what's the problem with any of these.

@MultiStorey

In our email signatures where the company heading is, a multilingual salutation is included so Kind Regards/Meilleure Salutations/Beste Grüsse.

I have a colleague that speaks a (very minority) language, and for one obnoxious individual he has a personalized “Póg mo Thóin” added. It’s fabulous.

Given that it took me 2 seconds to Google that and find out what it means, surely the recipient will have done the same when seeing unfamiliar words in the signature and be fully aware of what your colleague is saying?

Ooh I hate "gentle reminder"

However I LOVE a "gentle reminder" for me to send them something, when I check, and find I DID send it, on time, and often they even replied, so I know they got it - they are just such a fuckwit they don't know what they did with it. (This applies to a number of people I work with).

Then I can send a super-duper PA email saying "Oh I'm so sorry you didn't get this, I sent it on the 4th - I've copied the email below just in case you need it." Heh heh heh...

I should use these all more.

My PA sign off is

Thanks

As in JUST BLOODY DO IT!!

I used to work with a person that was notorious for his straight talking. He replied to a large organisation email trail with many of the senior directors on “not another email about another pointless meeting” just that, no sign off at all

@OhPatti

I have an online friend in the US who, being a bit of a pagan type, generally signs off with things like 'Blessed Be'/'Bright Blessings'. However, she once sent a message to an email group we both belonged to, when she was p'd off about a few issues that had taken place, and signed it 'Cordially'. That felt as pass-agg AF.

I once worked with someone who signed off his emails "Godspeed". This was not a religious organisation and I thought it was inappropriate.

‘Hopefully this is all clear but let me know if otherwise’ (translation: you’re a fuckwit if this isn’t clear)