To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

Sorry to chase/I hate to chase but...

= Respond or die

@Dauphinois

I hate these threads! I work in a school office and use 'noted, thanks' and 'Regards' all the time!

Do all the parents hate me?

Regards , where I work ( community NHS) means someone has pissed you off.... unwritten rule that you put.... kind Regards Thanks is also a no go....it has to be many thanks..., it’s like a minefield learning what’s acceptable and what’s not....I been here in this team 8 years now so I’m ok with the Email lingo 😁

@HunterHearstHelmsley

"Best" as your sign off really means "see you in hell"

Gosh, I use 'Best' or 'All best' quite frequently as my sign off when I'm being a bit more casual - might need to re-think that!

I only use 'noted' in emails when I really mean 'well obviously - did you really need to point it out' so I guess that is quite similar to 'fuck you' as pp said.

When I say 'Just a gentle reminder' I really mean 'why the fuck am I having to say this again' and if I have to bring out 'as per my previous email' then you know I'm about to lose it.

'Happy to discuss' however does usually mean exactly that!

My favourite pa email response however is 'For the avoidance of doubt' which basically means at this point I know I have to really spell it out to you so I'm going to say it in words of one syllable....

Noted.

Means I read your email and am so incandescent with rage I cant trust myself near a keyboard right now

I love this.

My personal favourite is "apologies if I wasn't clear". Which means I couldn't have been clearer, it is really not that hard to understand, you idiot.

I also like "I'm afraid I have a few concerns" which means this is a load of rubbish and you are completely incompetent.

I happily copy my manager into the return email when someone tries to suggest they will go to my manager about the situation.

I think many of these appear PA because the recipient knows they're in the wrong is are projecting.

Just a thought

"Thank you for your prompt response" with W everyone copied in when someone replies to an email with multiple recipients. In other words, the rest of you are taking too long, get your arses in gear and reply to me goddamit!!

Minus the random W that appeared there, of course 😂

Noted is the best form of passive aggression. It just kills everything and is very hard to respond to.

On the rare occasions my boss is annoyed, we get...

I hope this is clear to everyone.
I'm sure I don't need to highlight the importance of....
As I'm sure you will appreciate...
To assist, I have attached....(usually the last reminders and the procedure again!)
If there is any reason this cannot be completed, please call me as soon as you read this...

Not quite the same but I’m queen of not noticing autocorrect:

Kind gerkins,

Beer rewards,

I wonder if... next time you could...

I hate receiving ‘gentle reminder’ - it sets my teeth on edge though I am pretty sure that the person who uses it to me is not being PA - and I always tell everyone to just remind me of anything I’ve not got back to them on anyway (I know my failings! And my inbox!) so it really doesn’t need to be ‘gentle’ 🤦🏻‍♀️

@MsTSwift

Cracks me up as my mil who is not English signs off family emails with “regards” 😁

My neighbour is from Bosnia and he signs off all WhatsApp messages with regards too!

Sorry not to have explained it more clearly = you're an idiot who I have already explained whatever it is to, in words of one syllable, how on earth have you Not Got It yet?

Hope that helps? = I do want to help you out here

Hope that helps! = you are a fool. You should know this shit. It's literally your job.

HTH = I hate you.

@Dauphinois

I hate these threads! I work in a school office and use 'noted, thanks' and 'Regards' all the time!

Do all the parents hate me?

I think many of the responders have completely missed the point of the thread. OP’s original example “as per my email” is indeed gently passive aggressive. But most of the pp’s examples are perfectly normal email etiquette - it’s only the pp’s who don’t mean what they write.

@parttimemary

I love this.

My personal favourite is "apologies if I wasn't clear". Which means I couldn't have been clearer, it is really not that hard to understand, you idiot.

I also like "I'm afraid I have a few concerns" which means this is a load of rubbish and you are completely incompetent.

OMG these are two of my favourites too - I love this thread. I didn't realise I was passive aggressive at all but clearly I am!

@NeverChange

Noted is the best form of passive aggression. It just kills everything and is very hard to respond to.

On the rare occasions my boss is annoyed, we get...

I hope this is clear to everyone.
I'm sure I don't need to highlight the importance of....
As I'm sure you will appreciate...
To assist, I have attached....(usually the last reminders and the procedure again!)
If there is any reason this cannot be completed, please call me as soon as you read this...

These are good examples too.

@TatianaBis

Not quite the same but I’m queen of not noticing autocorrect:

Kind gerkins,

Beer rewards,

Brilliant 😂 I would love kind gherkins ❤️

If I switch from "Hi Dave" to "Dave," then Dave is dead to me. I've only ever done it once!

Glad I'm retired. Just about every email I ever wrote must have offended the recipient, judging by the comments in this thread oh actually they did apparently

My favourite (and I do use it):

"Thank you for your email. I will give it the attention i feel it deserves"

@ChampagneCommunist

My favourite (and I do use it):

"Thank you for your email. I will give it the attention i feel it deserves"

That’s not passive aggressive, it’s plain aggressive.