To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

@ChampagneCommunist

My favourite (and I do use it):

"Thank you for your email. I will give it the attention i feel it deserves"

Absolutely stealing this one!

Loving these! But I don’t think my favourite is on here:

Perhaps we should take this discussion offline = I’ll see you outside.

I always said' As I am sure you know' meaning 'You don't have a clue, but we'll pretend otherwise'.

I think: ' How strange, it seemed to be working when...'. The 'how strange' - (you can imagine them saying it emphatically) - means 'I don't believe you.'

This is a very British thing and my international colleagues are always amused by it.

The ultimate for me is when you drop the “Dear”

But I’ve also come across this funny picture on the internet recently.

"Just to clarify my point...." - You understood perfectly well before and you know you did.

@TheShockOfItAll

Hope that helps

Or even more passive aggressive - ‘HTH’

I use pretty much all of the above but not in a PA way!

Perhaps my previous email wasn't clear - It was absolutely clear and you are being either i) an awkward bastard or ii) a lazy fucker

I was somewhat puzzled to see - What the fuck are you doing; just get on with it!

Thank you for your comments - which are irrelevant and unhelpful

I will bear your comments in mind - they are embarrassingly stupid and so I think we should both just pretend you didn't make them

@Santastuckincustoms

Sorry to chase/I hate to chase but...

= Respond or die

In my world it means "you've missed the deadline - JFDI"

I once asked my boss if I was allowed to respond to an email with “did you mean to sound so rude?”
I was told no, sadly

Oh god, I used Noted, thanks today, but I genuinely meant it!

"I think there's been some confusion" = you got it wrong you fucking moron

"As per previous email - see highlighted below in red for further clarification" - read my sodding email you imbecile.

Anything in bold or italics means I'M NOT FUCKING HAPPY.

In response to questions it is easy to find the answer out to yourself

"Checking Google, the answer appears to be x"

Group email: 'thanks to Anne, Bob & Claire for their prompt action on this' = 'Dave, Emma & Fred, you need to get your fucking fingers out & do it, or I'll hit you with a "to clarify my expectations & reiterate the importance of timely action" in approximately 30 minutes from now. In fact make that 29, you slack bastards.'

I have an online friend in the US who, being a bit of a pagan type, generally signs off with things like 'Blessed Be'/'Bright Blessings'. However, she once sent a message to an email group we both belonged to, when she was p'd off about a few issues that had taken place, and signed it 'Cordially'. That felt as pass-agg AF.

These threads are so weird. Half the examples given are perfectly normal ways of communicating for anyone who doesn’t think work is all about stomping round like Harvey Specter telling people to DO THEIR GODDAMN JOB.

'Georgia's contribution was noted with thanks' = 'everyone, ignore Georgia. She's clueless/shit stirring'

I use ‘hope that makes sense’ to mean, ‘this is a simple instruction. fucking read what I’ve written and act on it, you bellend.’

I also use ‘thanks for your email’ as a ‘I wish you’d never darkened my door’ start to an email.

@Lillibettina

In response to questions it is easy to find the answer out to yourself

"Checking Google, the answer appears to be x"

• Also works as 'Checking instructions manual', 'Checking presentation where I told you this', 'Checking company intranet'

I don’t have a favourite, I hate them all. Possibly the least favourite is “Thank you for your comments”. Always comes across as “get stuffed”.

Regards means they're literally seething

I wouldn't interpret it as that. I really dislike "kind regards," as it reminds me of the sniffy, bossy feel of an instruction that says "kindly do so-and-so," but I use it when I have to - it seems to be the norm within my organisation for people who don't know each other very well. If someone used "regards" I would probably just think "oh good, someone else who doesn't sound like they've got a stick up their arse." With people I know better I use "best wishes" or "thanks" or "talk to you soon," and in fact my immediate boss, who I get on very well with, often uses just her name in brief communications so I often do the same with her.

Does anyone know a way of saying "I've asked you this question before and you haven't really answered it" in an e-mail without coming across as sarcastic or confrontational?

“Happy to discuss” - call and I’ll explain again why my answer is still no!

Noted
Fuck right off

“Thanks for your email, really helpful” - thanks for stating the obvious/your pointless rant/incoherent email.

I once worked with someone for whom Kind Regards or Regards was too much. He signed off: KR.

Stone cold!