To ask your favourite passive aggressive email sayings

[amazeandastonish]

I have irritating colleagues, as I'm sure we all do, and whilst I'd love nothing more than to say something like "fuck off", I obviously have to be more polite and professional.

So what are your favourite passive aggressive email sayings? Are there any I don't already know?

My favourite is "as per my last email"

Also someone in a previous job once signed off with "take care". Neither of us liked each other and I knew she really didn't mean

Apparently 'kind regards' means anything but, yet I'm not sure everyone realises that so I don't think that's really a PA saying!

Fucking hate 'gentle reminders'. If you need me to do some pointless admin that justifies your job or sign Norman's leaving card even though I don't know who he is then I'd like to wait until I get an 'aggressive reminder' thanks.

"Aggressive Reminder! For those of you who are yet to sign Normans leaving card you have 30 minutes before I come round to your house and fuck you up.
Regards
Felicity"

@AtlanticCityProof

‘Dear Fiends’ was a genuine mistake, I think, but why not give it a go.

I just say 'Colleagues' - I think they know me well enough to know I'm being lighthearted.

I like this summary. This is more geared at how confusing British people are to others but covers a lot of office email PA.

“I almost agree” meaning “I don’t agree in the slightest “.

Oh those people who start a message with just "Dave" they are v v stroppy

"I hope this answers your question but do let me know if you have any further queries."

Means - I have now explained it to you 5 times, I'm pretty sure a toddler could have got that by now. Don't fucking dare let me know if you have any further queries!!

@shakingmytambourineatyou

I have attached my previous email to help

There's nothing 'passive' about that one! That's out & out rude!

@Cuck00soup

If I'm really, really pissed off I use names only.

Fred,
Please can I remind you to send your monthly return this morning?
Thank You

My usual emails are more friendly.

Me too!

Or else the other way ... I say 'Dear' instead of 'hi' and use 'best wishes' to close instead of 'all the best' [if I'm very annoyed]

@Santastuckincustoms

Sorry to chase/I hate to chase but...

= Respond or die

😂😂😂

My angriest ever is

'Thank you for your communication which had been noted'.

Translation 'this shit does not dignify a reply'

For my most annoying colleague I think I am going to start going with just 'noted' that will royally piss him off as he is fond of sending pages long emails trying to explain why I should do his work for him. Usually it would take less long to do the job than argue with me about it. I used to write back explaining why I would not but lately I don't bother. If he is still claiming not to know what is his own job after 5 years then there really is nothing to explain.

With respect = you're talking bollocks

A former colleague of mine used to send chasers using one word: "Nudge"

Recipients came to learn that an immediate response was required otherwise a world of passive aggressive requests would follow!

'I hear what you say' - translation - I'm the boss it's my way or the highway, no more suggestions from you sonny Jim.

The email sent out to all staff with a 'gentle reminder' is the one that really boils my piss. Just speak to the lazy fekkers who didn't do their job and leave those of us who did alone.

I always use "further to my previous email...."

And yes it's always "I sent an email that said if X do Y, so therefore I don't understand the umpteen people emailing me to ask if they are X (which is trained in something!). So let me make this clear. If you are trained in X, then you will be attending update training on x date and need to complete and return Y form. If you are nit trained - DO NOTHING"

Even after the second emails I still get people who aren't trained returning the forms to consent for the updated training. 🤦‍♀️

Oh, and the 'joy of being stuck in the middle between two tantruming colleagues.

I get cc'd into every bloody email they send to each other. I am not your mother. I am not interested in this crap - take it out to the playground.

The next step will be when I get the bcc - then I know one is is arming themselves es for a formal complaint against the other.

I am in no way in a position to do anything about it. Take it to your line manager or HR - you are both as bad as one another.

I love all of these really The joy of being British.
I am probably particularly fond of 'As discussed' though.

One I picked up from a colleague, after a back and forth about something resulting in a solution she was damn well not happy with:

"Thank you for clarifying etc. etc. I have taken on board this proposal and I am content with this for the moment."

I am determined to use it at the next appropriate moment! It's so much more honest than saying "happy with this" when you are not!

Perhaps more for interminable meetings than email but I like ‘I think you’ve made that point rather well”

Copying in senior managers to a single directed at a peer

That should read "whinge" not single!

Mixing registers can be fun. For example, Mr Big would be very much obliged if you would be so kind as to fill in the bloody form.

How about - thank you for your very useful comments which I have taken into consideration when writing my report. Means - how dare you question what I have written and I have no intention of using any of it.

I always attach the info/or email

As per our conversation and email below -fuckwit

I’ve just remembered a classic.

“I’m struggling to understand “ (why you are so lazy, incompetent or both, to have not done this).

Pl242

I’ve just remembered a classic.

“I’m struggling to understand “ (why you are so lazy, incompetent or both, to have not done this).

Yes, it’s that bit more forceful than the classic ‘am I missing something?’

People who claim not to do any of these things really can’t send many emails.

But how do people respond incisively to the infuriating "gentle reminders" that arrive before the deadline you're flat-out working towards, as always, and going to meet comfortably, as always, and that you've never once missed?

Is it PA to say,

"Dear W**r,

I am in receipt of your gentle reminder about the upcoming deadline for Project X, and am sparing a moment from my continuing work on X to assure you that, as always, the deadline will be met.

If in future you feel a need to set earlier deadlines at the start of a project in order to feel more comfortable about progress, please don't hesitate. You will find whatever deadlines you set are met, as always.

Regards,

Incandescent Granny.