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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I mentally accept this mistake?

130 replies

idiotgeorge · 26/10/2021 17:00

I made a really costly mistake because I was stressed and didn’t check something carefully before I booked it. I’m talking 1000s. It won’t leave me impoverished or anything but will make a massive dent in my savings.

I’m hoping the company in question will take pity but let’s say they don’t…

I’m looking for some good ‘mantras’ for just accepting this and moving on. I’m completely devastated but I don’t want to be overwhelmed with this feeling for too long. How do I swallow it and move on and not be filled with regret?

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 26/10/2021 20:55

Sunk money - nothing you can do if they will not refund so it is one of those things I think you just have to move on from. It would be brilliant if they could & I wish you the best but I hope you see my point. I like the point @FakeFruitShoot made. Flowers

lottiegarbanzo · 26/10/2021 20:58

Can you sell it on to someone, fast?

Otherwise, hmm, imagine you never had the money in the first place, step outside your normal life to dream up how you could make money fairly fast, imagine you'd enjoyed the amazing experience and it had been worth it (make the imagined experience worth it), think of all the best and most amazing things you can do for free then do them.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 26/10/2021 20:58

Everyone makes money mistakes

Everyone

I call it “learning money” and don’t beat myself up about it

lottiegarbanzo · 26/10/2021 20:59

Oh and look up the Concord fallacy. Look to the future.

Theunamedcat · 26/10/2021 21:01

I refer myself to this every time

To ask how I mentally accept this mistake?
Dee1975 · 26/10/2021 21:03

You could maybe email them saying ‘well as I’m not taking / using said service or consuming said product etc … would you please consider paying the money (that you won’t refund me) to charity / local food bank’.

You won’t get your money back, but puts them in a difficult position as they will come across really mean if they don’t. Then at least the money hasn’t been completely wasted …. As it will make you feel better … (hopefully).

bossybloss · 26/10/2021 21:11

@Dee1975

You could maybe email them saying ‘well as I’m not taking / using said service or consuming said product etc … would you please consider paying the money (that you won’t refund me) to charity / local food bank’.

You won’t get your money back, but puts them in a difficult position as they will come across really mean if they don’t. Then at least the money hasn’t been completely wasted …. As it will make you feel better … (hopefully).

Love this !
WhatAShilohPitt · 26/10/2021 21:12

It’s money. Nobody was hurt or injured. That’s how I’d try to think of it. But I’m sorry OP, it must be stressful Flowers

quinin · 26/10/2021 21:19

There are some good guided meditations on insight timer about regret that might help resolve those horrible feelings. Essentially the gist seems to be if you can't change it, look at it as an experience that taught you something about yourself. Learn from the mistake, really think about what it has given you & use this knowledge to avoid bigger mistakes in the future.

I know it sounds a bit shit to say as it's all relative but it's only money in the big scheme of things. A massive bummer for sure but you can walk away.

My 'oh fuck' moment is with decisions I had to make during my cancer treatment that are irreversible and potentially life limiting. I would give anything to have simply booked the wrong thing but I'm obviously found my self in the extreme end of things, the bonus of which make you realise that lots of other stuff is not worth the stress.

dworky · 26/10/2021 21:22

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Repeat repeat repeat:

Courage for the big troubles, patience for the small. Be of good cheer. God is awake.

Not so helpful for those who are not religious.
MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/10/2021 21:26

If you booked it ages ago and forgot about it until today does that mean the money has already gone out of your account, and some time ago? In that case it doesn’t really change what’s in your account now, it’s the same as you thought it was last week and although maybe if you hadn’t made the mistake months ago you’d have more equally maybe you’d have spent it on other things between them and now and still wouldn’t have any more in your account than you have today.

Etinoxaurus · 26/10/2021 21:26

If it’s an event tomorrow is it transferable? Perhaps a mumsnetter would enjoy an expensive days flower arranging could buy it off you.

daisychain01 · 26/10/2021 21:32

Whatever the error you need to progress things with the company concerned to the very end of the line.

If it's 000s of loss there will be some way of regaining some if not all that lost money.

You can pursue thru CAB, Ombudsman, FCA or some other governing body relevant to the company you dealt with.

Even if it was a scam, presumably you paid by card not cash, so you have recourse through the bank or CC company.

Original poster
idiotgeorge · 26/10/2021 21:33

I don’t want to go into detail but the money wasn’t taken till today and it’s absolutely non-transferable. Long, boring story that involved me booking two of something with a view to cancel one, then accidentally making an extremely expensive amendment to the one I had planned to cancel, in my exhaustion to coordinate something stressful. I was still within the window to cancel for free, but the expensive amendment I had made by accident was non-refundable Blush

OP posts:
Spidersinmyhair · 26/10/2021 21:34

Why were you stressed? Maybe tune into the reason why you were rushing and notice how you were trying your best to fulfill a need in a different area of your life which meant your attention was elsewhere. What mattered to you about that thing?

Also tune into what those 1000s meant to you and notice how they represent something that you value (security? Something you're saving for?).

And the thing that you were trying to book - what need were you trying to meet and what do you value about that? Notice how in all those things there is something good at the core of them and know that you were trying your best to meet all of these needs. It's natural and ok to be disappointed - you value all of these things!

Spidersinmyhair · 26/10/2021 21:37

And just a follow up to my last post. Life is shit sometimes. Mistakes happen. Be gentle with yourself.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/10/2021 21:42

Can anyone else buy it from you or take your place?

If you say what it is you might get a taker here!

Inastatus · 26/10/2021 21:44

Oh fuckity fuck OP, I’m sorry and I too have made an expensive mistake this year. I think we’ve all lost the plot a bit after covid and been so desperate to book and do stuff but forgotten how! I’ve come to terms with the money I lost now after spending months thinking what I could have spent it on.

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 26/10/2021 21:51

@Tiffbiff

I’m a massive believer in everything happens for a reason.

I. E the room you booked , meant someone else couldn’t book it and if they had something awful would have happened. OR because you booked it you won’t go somewhere this year and if you had something bad would have happened etc etc

Hope that brings some small comfort OP ❤️

I don't know whether to roll my eyes harder at this or at the post about the crystals. Hmm

Hope you manage to salvage the situation, OP, or at least find a way of coming to terms with it.

buckeejit · 26/10/2021 21:55

@idiotgeorge have you saved any money due to anything Covid related? I know it's maybe a stretch but we've not gone on holiday & dh has saved £3k on the train so we're building a frivolous wall. We were burgled just over a year ago & that was expensive & probably preventable.

Agree with negotiating hard - if you're already a loyal customer & likely to return, future discount, charity donations, raffle prizes, or voucher to gift someone for Christmas, Id ask if there's anyone you can appeal to see if there's anything they can do for you. Then, you've done all you can from today & a dent in your savings isn't too bad. Good luck, hope it goes your way. If not, move on Thanks

NewlyGranny · 26/10/2021 22:00

Nobody died; it's only money," work for me.

jennyohh · 26/10/2021 22:03

If you can’t cancel just make sure to really enjoy it! You might feel that it was well worth the price and it’s good to do self care always! Some good advice above

Blueberry231 · 26/10/2021 22:10

You can always make more money. Don't waste your time worrying about it. That is irreplaceable. Dont dwell, it is what it is. You'll forget and move on and years from now it won't matter Thanks

Livelovebehappy · 26/10/2021 22:22

When something bad happens to me similar to this, I just think that at least I have my health, and there’s many that don’t. How many of those people say they would give up every penny they had to be well. Might make you feel better.

DrNo007 · 26/10/2021 22:25

I would definitely try to talk to a real person at the company who is in authority, apologise and throw yourself on their mercy. You never know, you may get a partial refund if not a full one.