Do I pay for anything?

[Hesreallyshort]

Thinking of inviting a large group of mum friends (25 ish) out for my birthday for lunch at a large local restaurant (outside, lots of tables)
Do I pay for anything? It’s been ages since I’ve not had just family birthdays.
I’ve ordered a beautiful cake to be made, which we’ll all obviously have at the end,

Nah, paying for the cake is plenty.

Just make sure the invite makes clear that everyone is paying for these selves, maybe by telling them the cost of the set meal

No you don’t need to pay but I’ll warn you that trying to arrange a lunch for such a large group could be an absolute nightmare. I’d personally try to simplify it.

It depends. In my circle of friends, going out for someone’s birthday means you pay for yourself and a contribution towards the birthday girl’s meal. I know other posters on here are insistent that of you invite people out for dinner, you foot the bill. I’ve never seen that in real life.

@PurpleDaisies I definitely couldn’t pay the bill for them all 🙈

I don't think so as long as you set expectations when inviting.
I.e. making sure everyone is aware they'll need to pay for their own meal & drinks; maybe link a copy of the menu is possible so people can budget for it. Say you're providing a cake for dessert.

Maybe buy a few bottles of wine for the table if you are feeling generous and can comfortably afford to do so? I wouldn't expect this though.

I wouldn't expect for the birthday girl to pay for me in a situation like this, but I'd word it something like "I'm going to X for lunch for my birthday if you fancy it"

I also think organising lunch for 25 will be a nightmare and I'd rather only go with 3/4/5 others

@MatildaTheCat Why? I thought I’d arrange date and time, find out definite numbers closer to the time for the restaurant. I’m
hoping not much more could go wrong 😬

@ChimChimeny Why 🙈🤣

Would you like to join me for lunch at X on Y to help celebrate my birthday? Mains are of the order £12-£18, full menu is here. I will bring a cake for dessert. Let me know by Z so I can reserve some outside tables.

Won’t it be absolutely freezing eating outside in November?

Best of luck with that number!
Agree with careful wording for the invitations but I don’t think many people would assume you were footing the bill anyway. If you’re feeling flush, maybe a few bottles of wine or Prosecco for the table but if you’re not, the cake is plenty.
Enjoy.

Do you think people will feel obliged and that they have to spend money? It’s a very ‘Nice’ restaurant, but one I know many visit and like, plus the majority have lots more money than I do 🤣it’s a special treat for me, but likely a normal thing for many of them.

[quote Hesreallyshort]@MatildaTheCat Why? I thought I’d arrange date and time, find out definite numbers closer to the time for the restaurant. I’m
hoping not much more could go wrong 😬[/quote]
I agree with @MatildaTheCat..

My experience of larger gatherings is that restaurants want a deposit per head, and often everyone's food choices in advance.

So be prepared to be organising all of that to make it easer for them on the day.

Also agree with pp, it’s going to be very cold, and potentially wet, sitting outside in November… unless it’s a decent outside covered (and preferably heated!) eating area, I might rethink that.

@PurpleDaisies I’m not in the U.K., but still the possibility of light rain, it does have covering in the outside area, but that’s another issue, it always pisses it down on my birthday! 🙈not keen to be indoors though

Yes, just be clear when you word the invitation. When I meet up with my friends for lunch, we always pay our own. Who can afford to pay for everyone? I think bringing cake is fine or maybe pay for some wine for the table or something.

Agree with others about organising this. They'll want a deposit, confirmed numbers and menu choices in advance (probably set menu). Good luck!

I wouldn’t normally expect the birthday person to pay for lunch / dinner. But this is a large gathering, it may sound a bit like a party, in which case there could be expectations for the host to be paying. I think you would need to try to weave it into the invitation up front as other posters have suggested.

You’ll almost certainly get:
Oh, could you make it the next week as I’ve got x that day?

I’d love to but can’t say what time as Little Prince has his nap at lunchtime.

Love to won’t be able to confirm until I know x/y/z

Oh, that pub? Friend went recently and it was crap.

Also, venue may well ask for choices and payment in advance and it will be you chasing everyone for that. Check in advance of issuing invites.

But in spite of all that, have fun and a great birthday!

You'd need to make it very clear that they would be paying for their own meals because different people make different assumptions and what seems obvious to one person is not obvious to another.

My husband arranged a surprise meal for my 30th. About half said their goodbyes and left, assuming he was footing the bill. The rest had their money ready to pay for their meals and were gobsmacked that others had not.

It was bloody awkward. So yes, be very clear up front no matter how much you think other people ought to know this, that or the other.

I'd only expect you to pay for your own meal.

25 friends does seem like a lot but be very clear with your plans and expectations.

If the restaurant ask for a deposit, even better. Then you can say "I'm going to x for my birthday and it'd be great if you can join us. I've booked a table for x date at x time. The deposit is £10 per person. Here's a copy of the menu, prices range from
X-X so hopefully there'll be something to fit everyone's budget. The deposit needs to be paid by x date so if you'd like to come please transfer the money by x and I'll send a group message once it's confirmed."

Having organised a few meals out for similar numbers please don’t assume that everyone will keep track of their spending and pay the right amount. Once you are in a large group situation and add in alcohol people get caught up in it all and forget.

After several difficult experiences (me topping up the bill for those that had left early leaving too little money) this is what worked best;

Set menu with choices made up front - keep a list of what people ordered coz that is easy to forget too.
Payment for meals (and tip) up front at the beginning of the meal. I even gave the money to the restaurant before we started so I could totally forget about it. You will know it’s done and can relax.
Everyone knows they have to pay for their drinks as you go along.

An alternative is that whatever the bill it just gets split equally between all but for me that never works out. I don’t drink and rarely have three courses. Never eat the most expensive items as I’m veggie - I once paid £45 for a meal that actually should have cost £15.

As they are all wealthy the latter might work well but it’s good to check everyone is ok with that and have that agreed up front.

Hope you have a fab time!

For a group that size I'd expect to have to book well in advance, pay a deposit and order from a limited/set menu. That would be pretty much the norm in the UK.

Set menu makes life easier in splitting the bill.

such a large group I would expect a set menu and cost upfront.
The host would usually buy some wine etc

If you dont do this and everyone divides up the bill at the end it will be carnage