Starting school - boy with mild ASD any tips and support

[gfy678686]

Posting here for traffic.

DS is starting school in September and I suspect he has a mild form of ASD. It runs in my family and many of the 'issues' he has are very similar. So he needs routines, has zero emotional intelligence, gets overwrought and can hit, has a 'disorganised' mind - is interested in being with other kids but often has conflicts etc. It's mild enough that I assume it won't get documented but my concern is that he will just get labelled a 'naughty boy'.

I didn't start school till I was 7 so had much better control over things by then. Plus, in typical girl fashion, I was all about mimicry so even though I had massive meltdowns at home - when at school, I was pretty good at masking it and was never physical etc. DS is similar but is obviously still younger and I am getting a bit anxious about how he'll manage. He currently goes to a small nursery and it's ok ish.....but not always smooth sailing.

Does anyone have any tips, ideas that have helped you when your little ones started school?

I suspect he has a mild form of ASD.

There is not a 'mild form' of ASD.

I would suggest doing your research on autism before you go self diagnosing your child with a 'mild' dose

Firstly, what steps have you taken towards getting a diagnosis for your child? If you suspect they are autistic then you owe it to them to do this.

Your son could need significant support at school, do you know how to obtain this? Do you know what an EHCP is? Do you know what interventions and accommodations are available? Most schools do not have the budget to put these accommodations in place without an EHCP.

Asking on Mumsnet isn't even nearly enough.

'Fight Fight and Fight again' . Well said Clockover ASD is not mild in any form whether in Low or High Functioning forms.

@clockover I appreciate that and I have done research on it so using the term 'mild' as a form of shorthand to communicate it to other people. I am also only 'diagnosing' it on the back of the fact that I have it, as does my mother, father, brother, uncle and grandparents. With Covid plus his age - gettting a formal diagnosis is difficult but I wanted to hear from other people's experiences.

[quote gfy678686]@clockover I appreciate that and I have done research on it so using the term 'mild' as a form of shorthand to communicate it to other people. I am also only 'diagnosing' it on the back of the fact that I have it, as does my mother, father, brother, uncle and grandparents. With Covid plus his age - gettting a formal diagnosis is difficult but I wanted to hear from other people's experiences.[/quote]
It's not difficult to get a diagnosis. It's long and protracted because of NHS wait times but it isn't difficult. You contact your GP with your concerns, they refer you to paediatrics, the paediatrician refers for autism assessment. If you'd started the process on the day you first had 'concerns' your child could be diagnosed by now.

I appreciate that and I have done research on it so using the term 'mild' as a form of shorthand to communicate it to other people

What you are actually doing is MIScommunicating to everyone else.

There isn't a 'mild form' of autism.

You cannot have ‘mild’ autism, you either are Autistic or you are not.

You should be pushing to get a correct diagnosis for your son and proper support like a SEN plan or EHCP in place for when he starts school.

You WILL need an EHCP.

Ok - I will take that on board. I would have said Asperger's but by now that is no longer a diagnosis in itself.

In terms of a diagnosis - it's a difficult thing in very young kids, isn't it? I mean a lot of DS' behaviour is not atypical so the question is whether he grows out of it or not. For example, he loved a routine as a baby and couldn't cope if it was interrupted and would be distraught. Is that ADS or just him being a baby? If you have ADS in the family - you might suspect ADS but if you dont, then you might just assume it's a baby being a baby. Similarly - nowadays if we go to a party - he clearly gets over stimulated after 90mins or so of playing with his friends. By now - his friends dont, so is that ADS or just him being a three year old. At the moment, I am still unsure. His nursery havent said anything - and generally think he is fine. I am a little unsure.

I think most people use mild to indicate what used to be classified as high functioning Asperger's.
There's a world of difference between that and someone who needs to attend a specialist school for example.
Surely the fact it's a scale means it will be more manageable for some than others.

@Shuffleuplove

You WILL need an EHCP.

Have you ever tried to get an EHCP for a child with high functioning ASD?

I have 2 children with ASD, both normal-high level intelligence, would probably be classed as Aspergers 10 years ago. Neither school will entertain an EHCP because educationally they are meetin and/or exceeding national expectations.

@BelleOfTheProvince

I think most people use mild to indicate what used to be classified as high functioning Asperger's. There's a world of difference between that and someone who needs to attend a specialist school for example. Surely the fact it's a scale means it will be more manageable for some than others.

It. Is. Not. A. Scale.

Getting a formal diagnosis with covid is not difficult. Have you tried? You owe it to him to at least try.

I just dont think that at the moment his behaviour is atypical enough to get him diagnosed. It's more problematic for us as a family but not atypical. Instead, I was hoping to get some tips for when he first starts and see how he gets on. Equally, it's hard for me to know whats 'typical' seeing as only one member of my family is NT.

@gfy678686

Ok - I will take that on board. I would have said Asperger's but by now that is no longer a diagnosis in itself.

In terms of a diagnosis - it's a difficult thing in very young kids, isn't it? I mean a lot of DS' behaviour is not atypical so the question is whether he grows out of it or not. For example, he loved a routine as a baby and couldn't cope if it was interrupted and would be distraught. Is that ADS or just him being a baby? If you have ADS in the family - you might suspect ADS but if you dont, then you might just assume it's a baby being a baby. Similarly - nowadays if we go to a party - he clearly gets over stimulated after 90mins or so of playing with his friends. By now - his friends dont, so is that ADS or just him being a three year old. At the moment, I am still unsure. His nursery havent said anything - and generally think he is fine. I am a little unsure.

My child was diagnosed at just four. Several of my friends' children were diagnosed at three.

They know what they're looking for in those assessments.

It’s not difficult because of his age either. My son received his diagnosis in 2020 - during the pandemic - aged 3

@gfy678686

I just dont think that at the moment his behaviour is atypical enough to get him diagnosed. It's more problematic for us as a family but not atypical. Instead, I was hoping to get some tips for when he first starts and see how he gets on. Equally, it's hard for me to know whats 'typical' seeing as only one member of my family is NT.

'Seeing how he gets on' is cuing yourself up for potential disaster and the worst thing you can do for your child.

You owe it to him to have him correctly assessed and a plan of action in place.

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam You can start the EHCP process yourself. You don't need the school to do it.

@gfy678686

I just dont think that at the moment his behaviour is atypical enough to get him diagnosed. It's more problematic for us as a family but not atypical. Instead, I was hoping to get some tips for when he first starts and see how he gets on. Equally, it's hard for me to know whats 'typical' seeing as only one member of my family is NT.

Diagnosis is dependent on him meeting the criteria not what behaviour he is displaying. The traits are an indicator but he would need to have deficits/impairment to meet the diagnostic criteria - these will be present in an autistic person irrespective of their age.

Op I don't know about outside school but diagnosis in school is very rarely done before ks2. Teachers tend to evidence gather before that though.
Some things that you might find useful:
Laminate picture card for end of day collection. Picture of coat, lunchbox, gloves etc.
Packed lunch to begin with and own preferred fruit for snack.
Read a few school stories together and talk through routines they might have.
On your initial visit from the reception team, did you flag it up? Useful for named adult to know.
Keep good communication open with the class and school. Saying hello and being friendly at pick up will mean it's easier to approach with concerns.

@BelleOfTheProvince

Op I don't know about outside school but diagnosis in school is very rarely done before ks2. Teachers tend to evidence gather before that though. Some things that you might find useful: Laminate picture card for end of day collection. Picture of coat, lunchbox, gloves etc. Packed lunch to begin with and own preferred fruit for snack. Read a few school stories together and talk through routines they might have. On your initial visit from the reception team, did you flag it up? Useful for named adult to know. Keep good communication open with the class and school. Saying hello and being friendly at pick up will mean it's easier to approach with concerns.

Diagnosis isn't done through school. School don't need to be involved in the diagnosis process at all. It's helpful if they cooperate but it's not in their remit to trigger diagnosis.

I feel like a lot of parents wait until school because they think that it will somehow trigger a diagnostic process, which is unhelpful for both child and school.

Schools like to know what they're dealing with. Autistic children benefit from support being in place from day one.

Parents should trigger the diagnostic process. You have your suspicions OP, so get started.

By his age - I mean that the behaviour is typical of a three-year-old but he should be growing out of it by 4 or 5. E.g. he will have a meltdown and is liable to hit another child (when trying to play with the same toy) if he's been playing in a group of kids after 90mins. Is that typical or not for a 3 year old. It depends. He can recognise basic people's emotions in a picture but doesnt really care how he makes people feel - is that him being a 3 year old or ASD. He is very bad at reading other people or showing emphathy or listening. If he doesnt grow out of these things - then of course I will push for a diagnosis.

I've had a chat with the nursery about it - they say he is spirited, knows his own mind and can answer back to adults. Not always good at listening or sharing. Nothing about ASD. And maybe I see ASD because everyone in my family has it

The school are not following procedure if they refuse to apply for an ehcp because ds is educationally on track. Guidelines have changed and it’s either off track academically or socially. For my ds, he sounds similar and was diagnosed at 5. His school have been brilliant-they provided him with a separate table and away from others that he could go to, fiddle toys, eating in nursery with more supervision and quieter at lunchtimes.

www.verywellhealth.com/what-are-the-three-levels-of-autism-260233

How is that not a scale?

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam
Yes indeed I have! for 3 of my own and numerous other kids too!

The LA must secure an assessment of the child “has or may have a special educational need which may require provision in the form of an education health and care plan.” Children and Families Act 2014 at 36(8)

Have a look at the IPSEA website, or SOS SEN, and start there. Achieving academically has nothing to do with whether a child needs an EHCP.