Starting school - boy with mild ASD any tips and support

[gfy678686]

Posting here for traffic.

DS is starting school in September and I suspect he has a mild form of ASD. It runs in my family and many of the 'issues' he has are very similar. So he needs routines, has zero emotional intelligence, gets overwrought and can hit, has a 'disorganised' mind - is interested in being with other kids but often has conflicts etc. It's mild enough that I assume it won't get documented but my concern is that he will just get labelled a 'naughty boy'.

I didn't start school till I was 7 so had much better control over things by then. Plus, in typical girl fashion, I was all about mimicry so even though I had massive meltdowns at home - when at school, I was pretty good at masking it and was never physical etc. DS is similar but is obviously still younger and I am getting a bit anxious about how he'll manage. He currently goes to a small nursery and it's ok ish.....but not always smooth sailing.

Does anyone have any tips, ideas that have helped you when your little ones started school?

@Nevermindthesquirrels

Ha! I actually am that borough!
I mean in our case it didn't really matter they didn't accept as we got an NHS one 3/4 months later. It was just a waste of their resource. Silly really.

@doadeer would you by any chance be ble to recommend any primary school thats good for SEND?

@Nevermindthesquirrels yes, my concerns about moving it that most schools will be super competitive and I am just not sure how well DS would feel in such an environment. His usual approach when other kids are much better than him is just to give up rather than rise to the challenge. Another thing that he can be very sensitive about

My son is nearly 3 so not there yet. I have lots of friends with autistic children and there's a huge variety of choices.

Some at Coldfall School (mainstream and child very happy) some at the Vale (SEN). There's also an autism school but I doubt you'd get a place there.

Muswell Hill Primary is popular too but the catchment for them all is tiny so you need to live really near.

You could contact Markfield House and ask what they advise if you're interested in this borough.

@doadeer what's ridiculous is what they did is not just illegal in policy but also in medical ethics. You cannot re assess a child 6 months or less than their last assessment. This would make the assessment they did 4 months after your private one, completely unusable and illegally obtained unless they managed to assess your child in an area that wasn't covered in the private assessment, and only that area.
We also found that Haringey ehcp medical team have very strict regulations as to what they can write into an assessment report. They are under no circumstances allowed to be specific in their recommendations eg 1 hr weekly salt needed. This is so that when the ehcp is written up, it can be very vague. The plan is fed from the reports, so if the report says regular salt sessions, it doesn't matter if regular might mean annual to some schools.
This is a massive reason why their policy 'forbids' private assessments. Private reports are much more specific and tend to concentrate on the things the child is finding difficult rather than good. So our private ep assessment says: X child needs intense and regular specialist tuition by a dyslexia teacher to at least a level 5 qualification. This should be undertaken on a 1:1 basis for 30 mins at least 3 times a week and assessed on a half termly basis against smart targets set by the dyslexia teacher.
When commenting on my Dd's dyslexia, Haringey EP said:
X child has dyslexic tendencies and may find written work difficut. Scaffolding is advised.
Because the private EP was used as evidence in the tribunal, and the content of the EHCP is filled by these reports, her report has that direct wording and in turn, that funding. You'd get jack all with the funding the Haringey EP used.
When I questioned the difference in wording the Haringey EP said he isn't allowed to be specific in his reports as it's up to the school to decide how the help is delivered.
Haringey had the cheek to tell me that all children are good at something and their job is to find that and that I should stop searching for my daughter difficulties.
The team there was so bad that they've all been replaced this summer. Let's hope this lot is a bit more useful.

@doadeer oh gosh I'm scared I know you now you've listed those schools 😂 I specifically wouldn't choose coldfall for Sen but I am not commenting further, their pta is not to be messed with when it comes to school representation on social media 🙈

Speak to the SENCO about and ask for their input. My DD has SEN and finds noisy environments overwhelming so is allowed her ear defenders at school which help a lot.
If he does have issues then you need a diagnosis, you can’t just decide he is ASD because that what you think. Once you get a diagnosis you can push for the support he needs. Good luck

Hesma that’s simply not true. The OP can apply for DLA and EHCP based on need, NOT on diagnosis. And the Senco is usually a well meaning but terribly misinformed source of information and support.

Can you apply for DLA and EHCP in a nursery setting? Or would we have to wait until he starts Reception? I am absolutely not against getting a diagnosis - and have already tried to engage our GP. However, in the meantime - even if we manage to get a referral - waiting times are very long and he would have started school way before he is seen by anyone. In the meantime - his issues such as overstimulation, becoming overwhelmed, issues with noises, meltdowns and liability to lash out, etc etc remain and we will have to manage it way before a diagnosis. Hence me asking for any advice. I was also not only asking about what he could do in school but out of school i.e. what did parents do different when their kids started school.

Yes you can.

Ok, good to know. Our current nursery is a private one and very mall, so not sure whether they really have anyone that would be able to help. He is currently also managing - it's small, the staff know him and he's been there a while so has friends.

You can however with no reports or anything from professionals neither would be an easy task. Even with reports it can be a battle but ds had dla and an ehcp before the confirmation of autism diagnosis

Did you have to push for it? At the moment, the nursery wants to see how things develop. They think he's still little. Which is true. So am trying to see what I can put in place and what adjustments we might need next year once he starts school. At the moment, it seems that most of the issues are at home, when he's with us rather than at nursery.

For an ehcp needs assessment the criteria is MAY have special educational needs and MAY need extra support through an EHCP.

If you look on your local authority website they will have a section called the local offer and that will have the forms you need to fill in to ask for a needs assessment. From what you have said at the moment though I think you would struggle for evidence for either of the two tests which would make it even more of a battle

Interesting thread, OP - I haven’t read all of it but I have a DC who has some similarities to yours.

I actually understand what you mean about watching and waiting - what we have found is that the differences between our DC and their peers have become more pronounced with age. I am quite confident my concerns would have been dismissed by the GP at age 3 or 4. At age 6, those differences are more pronounced and expectations higher.

So I would follow your instincts and if you think he needs an assessment of his needs (which is how I prefer to look at it) rather than a diagnosis, then I would pursue it by whatever avenue you deem best.

Have actually spoken to the GP tonight. He said that he can try for a referral but he thinks they'll bounce it back and we will need documented evidence. He still didn't see the need to actually see DS. After speaking to his nursery, yes they think he is spirited, not always great at doing transitions or say sharing. They just think he is still little.

@MyCatHatesWhiskas was there anything that helped say before or after school? Does your DC ever do any after school clubs or was that too much.

We have started looking around schools and think about after school care, hence I am trying to think what might be best for DS next year

@gfy678686, I should be clear that we have not yet started the assessment process but I think he has ASD. Like you, I’m fairly sure I have it myself but I presented slightly differently as a child and masked better.

My concerns pre-school were that he struggled socially, had huge issues with transitions, some sensory issues, and a certain rigidity around play. Some of it is difficult to explain but he is never in neutral on anything or about anyone - he either loves it/them or hates it. Very happy to elaborate via DM if that’s helpful.

My concerns were always dismissed as he is a late summer-born, young for his age, had some changes (including a house move) as a toddler, became an older sibling shortly before Covid, etc. But as he has grown older, the differences between him and other children have grown.

School don’t see it, as he is an angel there - they have picked up on his anxiety but otherwise he’s a model pupil. Because he is on track at school academically and behaviourally, it’s not really of interest to them if he explodes at home (and boy does he explode….with hitting, the works).

After school care: we did not use a club as we felt he wouldn’t cope but that was mainly about his temperament and being a late summer born rather than because I had serious concerns about neurodiversity at that point (more like niggles). We used a childminder instead of a nursery for the same reason and the childminder still provides wraparound care. This works well for us as she also cares for our younger DC.

I should say we are looking into the assessment process now….it’s more a question of which avenue(s) we go down rather than whether we start the process.

how much screen time does he have? sugar? take away food? think of all the basics first x

We actually found after school club was fine around infant age, but it was warm and well run and very much focused on the Arrival of the Sandwiches (and DD loved those sandwiches). It was around year 3 that she started to get major anxiety with it, I think because by then the other kids her age would often be at activity clubs, there started to be homework expectations etc. Possibly because the school day increasingly became harder work too.

Gosh, if only SEN was simply cured by removing screens, fat and sugar, eh .

"It's not difficult to get a diagnosis. It's long and protracted because of NHS wait times but it isn't difficult. You contact your GP with your concerns, they refer you to paediatrics, the paediatrician refers for autism assessment. If you'd started the process on the day you first had 'concerns' your child could be diagnosed by now."

It actually is difficult getting a diagnosis. My daughter is 4 and is showing clear signs of asd. Her Dad was diagnosed with aspergers when he was a teenager and yet my local autism centre refuse to assess her on the basis that there isn't the evidence to suggest she meets the criteria for assessment. Despite her nursery sending lots of evidence and the fact that she is showing very obvious signs. We have had a referral to peadiatrics who after a less than 10 minute consultation decided she doesn't need to be assessed and we are going round in circles with getting support for her. It may be different in other areas but in my area it is difficult to get a diagnosis.

In terms of private and timescales (this is recent - last couple of months to give you an idea - but in the Midlands).

Waiting lists privately ranging from 4 months to a few weeks for an initial appointment. Costs ranging from about £1500 - £2k.

We had an initial phonemail, then a parent question session via zoom within a couple of weeks (was very draining - will warn you), then the ADOS in-clinic for DD a few weeks after that... then timescales were dragged out somewhat because of the school holidays but they did the in-school assessment mid September - debrief appointment was done early October and we should be due the final report back sooner rather than later.

School happy to work with the private professionals in terms of answering their queries, allowing them into school and accepting the diagnosis - no issue at all.

We'd had a prior SALT assessment and report done as I suspected some issues with DD's language processing as well - that had also highlighted social communication issues to add to it all.

We would have got minimal joy via NHS at present as DD2's anxiety and autism is fixated upon being "good" at school - so in the class, she's a dream child - always doing what's expected and trying her best. It all unravels in a snotty tearful mess at home for her bless her heart.

Year 3ish seems to be where it starts to go a bit pear shaped for lots of kids who've apparently had it all together before then - the social demands increase, the language demands increase, school starts to ramp up the school work and reduce the adult support down.

@cooker321monster “ how much screen time does he have? sugar? take away food? think of all the basics first x”

“Have you thought about a reward chart?”

@Phineyj who said the child was SEN? and who says that increasingly more children are neglected in terms of diet and interaction, not to say the OP has done any of these things but to ignore the excessive screen time and poor diet of this generation is not helpful