Starting school - boy with mild ASD any tips and support

[gfy678686]

Posting here for traffic.

DS is starting school in September and I suspect he has a mild form of ASD. It runs in my family and many of the 'issues' he has are very similar. So he needs routines, has zero emotional intelligence, gets overwrought and can hit, has a 'disorganised' mind - is interested in being with other kids but often has conflicts etc. It's mild enough that I assume it won't get documented but my concern is that he will just get labelled a 'naughty boy'.

I didn't start school till I was 7 so had much better control over things by then. Plus, in typical girl fashion, I was all about mimicry so even though I had massive meltdowns at home - when at school, I was pretty good at masking it and was never physical etc. DS is similar but is obviously still younger and I am getting a bit anxious about how he'll manage. He currently goes to a small nursery and it's ok ish.....but not always smooth sailing.

Does anyone have any tips, ideas that have helped you when your little ones started school?

The OP seems absolutely determined that her DS won’t get an ASD diagnosis while talking absolutely zero steps to have home assessed.
It’s not ‘easy’ but it is a process and it’s a process that takes time. Start the ball rolling now. Talk to your health visitor (as DS is under 5) or GP. Explain your concerns, particularly in light of your family history. Don’t wait (because you will be waiting plenty long enough once you start).

My son's ADOS assessment had a threshold score for ASC and ASD.

Can you explain this?

He needs routine.

He gets overwrought easily

He has a ‘disorganised mind’

He melts down when overstimulated

He hits other children

You don’t think he knows the difference between right and wrong

He is very bad at reading other people or showing emphathy or listening

He hyperfocuses on special interests to the exclusion of all else

He doesn’t understand his bodily cues (has disordered interoception)

You don’t think he will be able to focus in a classroom for more than an hour

OP, seriously, do him a favour and get him help now.

To those of you who got a diagnosis - what difference did it make in practice? I was just wondering? I never got a diagnosis at school (actually getting one was pretty hard as I can do fine with most things) - had friends, got top marks and to be honest, not sure what support would have helped. I just found people a bit baffling, couldnt do extended essays or long projects - because they baffled me and i couldnt be creative to come up with an idea and stick to it.

@clockover

My son's ADOS assessment had a threshold score for ASC and ASD.

Can you explain this?

I've just dug out my sons autism assessment and had a look. Actually there's cut off for ASD and autism, which is weird to me cos they're the same thing.

Either way, my kid got 21 so no doubt there

Please don't go down the 'what difference would it make' road. You suspect your child is autistic. He deserves to be assessed. There is no benefit for anyone in not having him assessed. Your story is not the norm. The majority of people diagnosed in adulthood have struggled all their lives and the biggest problem is not understanding themselves.

@picketingpanic yes, but he is also a 3-year-old. I see plenty of other three-year-olds who are not that dissimilar. I can also say that his speech is fine, he can tell when people are happy or sad or upset, loves playing with other kids, tells us he loves people and wants to give them hugs and cuddles, has no learning or developmental delays etc etc

@picketingpanic

Thank you! You didn't have to do that.

The ASC thing was confusing me but the ASD and Autism is even more confusing isn't it!

@clockover I was interested in knowing what interventions are possible. I am not from the UK - so there were no interventions where/when i was groiwng up. It was a genuine question

[quote gfy678686]@picketingpanic yes, but he is also a 3-year-old. I see plenty of other three-year-olds who are not that dissimilar. I can also say that his speech is fine, he can tell when people are happy or sad or upset, loves playing with other kids, tells us he loves people and wants to give them hugs and cuddles, has no learning or developmental delays etc etc[/quote]
I have autistic child and a neurotypical 3yo. Trust me to the trained eye there is a world of difference.

Please let a trained eye take a look at him.

Otherwise you could be on here in three or four years asking how to help a child with severe anxiety and school refusal.

[quote gfy678686]@clockover I was interested in knowing what interventions are possible. I am not from the UK - so there were no interventions where/when i was groiwng up. It was a genuine question[/quote]

Sorry I misread your meaning there.

[quote clockover]@picketingpanic

Thank you! You didn't have to do that.

The ASC thing was confusing me but the ASD and Autism is even more confusing isn't it! [/quote]
And then they say he has ASD. So as clear as mud.

I just say 'he's autistic'.

This thread is really upsetting me now and I'm getting way too invested so I'm going to have to bow out.

OP, please reconsider referring your child for assessment. That's all I can say. Don't wait until there's a problem. That is never ever the best strategy.

@gfy678686

Ok - I will take that on board. I would have said Asperger's but by now that is no longer a diagnosis in itself.

In terms of a diagnosis - it's a difficult thing in very young kids, isn't it? I mean a lot of DS' behaviour is not atypical so the question is whether he grows out of it or not. For example, he loved a routine as a baby and couldn't cope if it was interrupted and would be distraught. Is that ADS or just him being a baby? If you have ADS in the family - you might suspect ADS but if you dont, then you might just assume it's a baby being a baby. Similarly - nowadays if we go to a party - he clearly gets over stimulated after 90mins or so of playing with his friends. By now - his friends dont, so is that ADS or just him being a three year old. At the moment, I am still unsure. His nursery havent said anything - and generally think he is fine. I am a little unsure.

Not really my son was diagnosed at three and a half ,he is severely impacted and it was very obvious however if your son does have autism it needs to be diagnosed properly and the process can start before he starts school .

@picketingpanic

And we wonder why there is so much misunderstanding

Sounds like my DS. He was ‘fine’ until year 3. No speech delays or learning difficulties but he was masking superbly until he couldn’t cope anymore. Get him assessed OP, don’t wait, it isn’t worth it. I suspected my DS was autistic but my whole family dissuaded me and told me I was the problem.

@picketingpanic yes, I sort of know what you mean about being able to tell the difference between NT and ASD kids. My sister is neurotypical and she's basically the odd one out in my family - always has been.

But this has been useful and I will definitely ask about SENCO support when we go to school open days and I might try to get him a diagnosis. If you go private, do you still need a gps referal?

My ds was diagnosed age 4. He is in high school now and mostly enjoys school. He finds high school better than primary. I think there is more routine. He likes that he does not have to stay in the same classroom all day and he has found it easier to find people he wants to hang around with at break times.

At primary school whenever I had concerns I arranged a meeting with the person in charge of additional support. Usually I found them to be helpful. I did not think the first school was the right fit for ds so moved him after 3 weeks. I have no regrets about that. I found the diagnosis definitely.

I also found support groups helpful. I got a lot of advice about how to approach things with the school and things I could ask for.

I can't believe how well ds is getting on at high school. It has made me realise what a difficult environment primary school was for him. It was very noisy. His high school is quieter I think and probably covid has made things a bit quieter and more spacious.

I meant to say in previous post I found the diagnosis definitely helped with school.

@BelleOfTheProvince

www.verywellhealth.com/what-are-the-three-levels-of-autism-260233

How is that not a scale?

I think this is American for health Insurance purposes rather than how ASD is explained from a neurodevelopmental perspective.

He won’t get a diagnosis if he’s not Autistic, why don’t you let professionals assess him instead of constantly second guessing?
What support might he get? Well that depends on his needs, and his needs might be completely different to my DCs’.
But ASD is a disability, so having a diagnosis means the school is obliged to make reasonable adjustments to accommodate him. It’s much better than being seen as a bit naughty/disruptive/aggressive or whatever else you want to call it.

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam

My dad was at a grammar and on the gifted and talented list . I got her an ehcp.

Remember schools have a legal duty to meet the children needs if identified on an ehcp. Hence reluctance to support parents getting one.

Yes I realise not an option for everyone and northern pricing makes a big difference. We basically paid same as we were paying for private nursery. We went down route when DD was at nursery of filling in paperwork, meetings etc and gist was she’ll manage. But I didn’t want her to just manage. Once she started there were lots of other children with quirks whose parents had obviously had similar thoughts to us - dc didn’t need huge levels of intervention just a bit extra that a teacher in a class of 30 logistically can’t provide.

@gogohm

Generally with high functioning asd which schools can manage there is nothing you specifically need to do, apart from obviously back them up on specific interventions they recommend.

My dd never had a echp because she was top of the class academically, the fact she missed so much school due to anxiety didn't hold much sway with the sen staff. She was mainstream educated from 5 but attended a special needs programme from 2-5.

Whether your son meets the specific criteria for a diagnosis none of us know but school interventions do not require diagnosis anyway.

Whether he gets labelled a naughty child will depend on whether he is . Having autism or other medical issues doesn't mean bad behaviour is excused, I can assure you that my dd knew right from wrong at school, if she was told off it's because she misbehaved

An ehcp could have been used to help your child with their anxiety so it wasn't a barrier to attendance etc

So OP the answer to the question how to get support for a possibly neurodiverse child whilst you are also neurodiverse and unsure what is or is not typical. I think be really open and honest with the class teacher. Explain your concerns and your difficulty with knowing what typical is and make sure they are communicating with you. Letting him know what the daily structure is prior to starting and knowing what to expect as much as possible could be helpful too.