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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No contact when out . AIBU?

79 replies

thesebootsweremade · 25/10/2021 10:37

Boyfriend and I together over a year. We don't live together. We speak every evening on the phone and text first thing and last thing at night. When we socialise separately, we ring if not too late or text to say we are home.
Yesterday he went out to watch the footie. Dropped a few early texts and then nothing from after the game.
I text to say goodnight, he was online at that time (WhatsApp) it wasn't read . He didn't bother to contact me at all.
It's a first.
AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
heywassuphello · 25/10/2021 10:38

Yabu there are bigger things in life to worry about

ForensicFlossy · 25/10/2021 10:43

YABU I could not live like that.

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/10/2021 10:45

Is he a Liverpool fan? He will have probably been out celebrating!

ILoveWillSmith · 25/10/2021 10:47

YABU, he's probably out with his mates

MichelleScarn · 25/10/2021 10:49

YABU why do you need to be in contact if he's out?

ClawedButler · 25/10/2021 10:50

He's had a few pints, what's the big deal? He's a big boy, he can go out with his mates for a night without having to check in.

vodkaredbullgirl · 25/10/2021 10:50

Give the poor lad a break.

Original poster
thesebootsweremade · 25/10/2021 10:51

Yes he was out with his mates.
I guess he purposely ignored me which is a first for him and us. I'm just disappointed because we had a minor disagreement yesterday before he went out ( nothing to do with him going out) where he admitted fault and I was upset.

OP posts:
authenticforgery · 25/10/2021 10:51

YABU

EmeraldShamrock · 25/10/2021 10:52

Yabu. It was a night out with friends.

notacooldad · 25/10/2021 10:52

Yes you being UR imo.
You are also being ridiculous.
I would hate tbe fact I'd have to check in when I'm out or even at the end of the evening of being out.

AspCommie · 25/10/2021 10:53

Why do you need to be in touch while you're out separately?

EmeraldShamrock · 25/10/2021 10:54

There will be more upset today if you blow this out of proportion.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 25/10/2021 10:54

Whatsapp often says you’re online when your not. He had been messaging you so what’s the problem, just let him have a night with his friends without having to check in all the time.

Is there a reason you’re so needy and demanding of his attention? It doesn’t sound like you trust him.

Clandestin · 25/10/2021 10:54

Honestly, OP, what kind of reassurance are you looking for while your boyfriend is socialising? He’s having fun with his friends and/or pissed. You aren’t uppermost in his thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Waahingwashingwashing · 25/10/2021 10:56

You sound needy. I couldn’t be bothered with that -he was out with his mates. Leave it.

Helpimfalling · 25/10/2021 10:56

I'd be peed off if he was online I think to be honest and ignored my message

Only takes a second to write goodnight

SantasLittleHoHoHo · 25/10/2021 10:57

YABU.

He didn't read your message and ignore you, he hadn't read it.

After a year, perhaps it's time to not be so hung up on the every morning / evening texts! Especially if one of you is busy with friends 😊 don't make it an issue when it isn't, or it'll breed more bad feeling!

Justmuddlingalong · 25/10/2021 10:58

He's decided that texting while out socialising isn't needed or normal. It's been a long time coming IMO.

Original poster
thesebootsweremade · 25/10/2021 11:03

I suppose it's normal for us to text or ring .
Thanks for replies.

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 25/10/2021 11:06

@Justmuddlingalong

He's decided that texting while out socialising isn't needed or normal. It's been a long time coming IMO.
This. I wouldn’t personally take this as a bad sign. In fact, I’m sure when DH and I first got together we’d text etc on/after w night out and we certainly don’t now. I like to think he’s still keen on me!
notacooldad · 25/10/2021 11:10

My friend was talking about this the other day but it was the otherway round. Her boyfriend of a year always rings or sends a text at 5.am (when she is up and about ) to say good morning and always sends her one at 9.00pm to say good night and she always replies. Same when she is on a night out. He sends a message saying he hopes she is having a good time and he will see her the following day or whenever. Nothing sinsister or checking up or anything like that but she feels as if it is now a chore. Something that is expected as she puts it. She says she can't just flop in bed. She has one more thing on her too do list.

I get it. I would feel the same way.
She loves him completly and he isn't an arse or anything she just doesn't want to go through the motions every night.

myheartskippedabeat · 25/10/2021 11:11

If you've been together more than a year and aren't living together and relying on him "texting" you at set times I think this could be an issue really

I would hate to be expected to "check in" but then after a year, I don't think he can really be that into the relationship really

You need to have a think - don't waste your life with someone - I did once - thats 5 years I'll never get back!

SmellyOldOwls · 25/10/2021 11:18

I'd be a bit pissed off too, it would have taken him 2 seconds to say goodnight. I wouldn't make a fuss but keep an eye for this becoming a pattern. So many of us ignore these tiny little things that all mount up and we keep dismissing them and before you know it you have kids and you're running around doing everything by yourself while he only looks after himself and his own interests, and you definitely won't be getting a text when he's down the pub then.

AttaGirrrrl · 25/10/2021 11:19

Honestly, back up a bit. He was out with his friends. Him concentrating on them (or the celebrations, or his drink, or whatever it is he is found) is the right thing to do. Expecting him to check in with you just sounds needy. When he’s with you, does he reply to his friends’ texts immediately immediately?