Page 2 | No contact when out . AIBU?

thesebootsweremade · 2021-10-25T09:37:52+00:00

Boyfriend and I together over a year. We don't live together. We speak every evening on the phone and text first thing and last thing at night. When we socialise separately, we ring if not too late or text to say we are home. Yesterday he went out to watch the footie. Dropped a few early texts and then nothing from after the game. I text to say goodnight, he was online at that time (WhatsApp) it wasn't read . He didn't bother to contact me at all. It's a first. AIBU to be pissed off?

vodkaredbullgirl · 25/10/2021 11:21

Has he text you this morning?

TravelLost · 25/10/2021 11:27

I'd say YABU and YANBU.

YABU because no he doesnt have to keep in such close contact all the time.

YANBY because you had a tacit agreement to let the other one know yooure back home and he has broken that (I would have ben really worried if I had been at your place)

stingofthebutterfly · 25/10/2021 11:27

Yes. Give him a break. You sound possessive.

10yearwarranty · 25/10/2021 11:29

Some people don't mind expectations of constant contact, others find it suffocating. Maybe find out which category he fits into.

sassbott · 25/10/2021 11:29

Did he check in this morning?

Original poster

thesebootsweremade · 25/10/2021 11:35

I text him last night as he was online . He sent me a message at midnight saying he only saw it then. That was it. No contact this morning. I'm pissed off that he didn't bother and I expect he is pissed off because he feels badgered

OP posts:

Pippa12 · 25/10/2021 11:37

Drives me mad when I’m out with somebody and they spend all night intermittently texting. I find it a bind if I have to text too. I just want to enjoy the moment!

If me or my DH are away, we would just text to say we got home safely.

KrisAkabusi · 25/10/2021 11:39

@thesebootsweremade

I text him last night as he was online . He sent me a message at midnight saying he only saw it then. That was it. No contact this morning. I'm pissed off that he didn't bother and I expect he is pissed off because he feels badgered

Or maybe he's still in bed, hungover. Stop overthinking this. He did nothing wrong last night, he was out with his friends. He did text you at some stage.

CreepySpider · 25/10/2021 11:39

@thesebootsweremade

I text him last night as he was online . He sent me a message at midnight saying he only saw it then. That was it. No contact this morning. I'm pissed off that he didn't bother and I expect he is pissed off because he feels badgered

From an outside perspective, I see his point and agree with him as I would feel the same way. Is there more to this?

Crunchymum · 25/10/2021 11:40

No contact last night is one thing. And I'd personally not be bothered at all.

No contact today (when you usually have contact every morning) I'd find a bit off.

CampagVelocet · 25/10/2021 11:41

YABU. You sound needy. Let him enjoy himself.

Yogawankonobi · 25/10/2021 11:41

What do you think is happening?

samwitwicky · 25/10/2021 11:41

@thesebootsweremade

I text him last night as he was online . He sent me a message at midnight saying he only saw it then. That was it. No contact this morning. I'm pissed off that he didn't bother and I expect he is pissed off because he feels badgered

Then stop badgering.

It was a first. Calm down.

RobertaFirmino · 25/10/2021 11:42

If it was me who had gone out to watch the footy yesterday after having an argument with DH, I wouldn't have made contact. Yesterday was pretty historical in footballing terms and there is no way I would have wanted it to be spoilt. Non-supporters probably won't understand but to us Reds, it was massive.

Original poster

thesebootsweremade · 25/10/2021 11:51

He's not a massive fan of the footie.
I told him I was pissed off last night by text so I expect that he is sick of me .
Through lockdown I found him to be quite needy in terms of communication. Since lockdown has lifted he is in less contact for obvious reasons but it's definitely affecting my anxiety.

OP posts:

Clandestin · 25/10/2021 11:53

@thesebootsweremade

He's not a massive fan of the footie. I told him I was pissed off last night by text so I expect that he is sick of me . Through lockdown I found him to be quite needy in terms of communication. Since lockdown has lifted he is in less contact for obvious reasons but it's definitely affecting my anxiety.

Well, maybe he is finding your neediness about incessant contact difficult to deal with, but that’s on you to do something about, surely, if you acknowledge he’s done nothing wrong.

Justmuddlingalong · 25/10/2021 11:54

Maybe he's avoiding the inevitable ear nipping to continue and is putting off contacting you.

HeartsAndClubs · 25/10/2021 11:59

I have mixed views on this.

On the one hand I would consider it fairly normal to not text while out etc. If my DP goes out I don’t expect to hear from him until he gets back or even the next day if it’s late.

But on the other hand if you’ve consistently contacted each other every day and that drops one day, then it feels like a shift, as if something’s changed, and that can feel unsettling.

I certainly don’t think that yesterday’s football result was this iconic historical moment, so Liverpool beat Man-u, and? And that’s assuming the bloke even is a Liverpool fan which the OP hasn’t mentioned here.

But generally a team winning and then going out on a post-match piss-up is a fairly common phenomenon, and if you’re not a football fan and he is and is in the habit of doing just that, then it is worth considering how it will affect your relationship should it become serious, as football will likely come first, before you, before the kids, before doing his fair share…

HeartsAndClubs · 25/10/2021 12:02

And if he was the needy one during lockdown and insisting on constant communication and has now gone back to his other hobbies because they’re available, then sounds as if he was essentially happy to have you around on his terms.

Thing is, if you’ve only been together a year then you will have got together during lockdown and will have had little experience of what he’s like in the real world so to speak.

Original poster

thesebootsweremade · 25/10/2021 12:13

I agree. He was alone during lockdown.
We are only getting used to each other in the real world now.

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RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 25/10/2021 12:18

We speak every evening on the phone and text first thing and last thing at night. When we socialise separately, we ring if not too late or text to say we are home.

He’s probably finally had enough of this suffocating nonsense.

Undisclosedlocation · 25/10/2021 12:19

I would personally find that level of interaction very suffocating and a complete turn off.
Everyone is different I guess, but it sounds like lockdown was over and above his comfortable norm with communication purely due to the bizarre lifestyle we were all leading at the time and he is now reverting to his more usual pattern.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/10/2021 12:20

I think you need to give each other space to enjoy a day out without checking in.

ScottishNewbie · 25/10/2021 12:24

YANBU. Every relationship is different. If it's something you always fo, and he was online and ignored the message I would consider that as passive-aggressive, specifically because you had a disagreement earlier in the day. If you hadn't had the fight then I would put it down to being drunk...but the fight changes things imo

LopsidedWombat · 25/10/2021 12:24

The exact reason why I don't like this contact setup of texting good morning and good night /I'm home etc like clockwork is because when one of you inevitably forgets or can't be bothered or falls asleep it then causes worry or upset.

You say further down the thread that you'd had a bit of a disagreement so maybe he's mulling that over. Maybe ask him about it when you next speak on the phone if something feels off.