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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send child to a secondary one hour away?

218 replies

hibbledibble · 22/10/2021 20:47

I'm thinking hard about secondary options currently. One option is about an hour away, and an amazing school. It would however involved a train ride and then a bus.

Other options are a bus ride away, and also good, but don't have the same amazing facilities or stellar results.

I'm torn regarding which school to pick as first choice.

Is an hour too much to travel?

OP posts:
CocaColaTruck1 · 22/10/2021 20:48

A bus and a train would have annoyed me quite a lot at secondary tbh.
I'm sure plenty do it.
Which school does your DC prefer?

PinkiOcelot · 22/10/2021 20:49

Yes it is. Would you even be in the catchment?

hibbledibble · 22/10/2021 20:49

They are unsure, which doesn't help!

OP posts:
cansu · 22/10/2021 20:49

yes. It will be hard to socialise and to attend after school activities etc. It may seem OK to start with but your dc has many years of travelling in the dark and cold.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/10/2021 20:50

One of our reasons for deciding against a school was the 7.30 bus would be cutting it fine for getting there, the 7am bus would be needed for certainty. Or 30mins by bike.

The school we chose was 5min walk and very different.

mdh2020 · 22/10/2021 20:51

Both my children did bus and then a tube journey. My DD had a walk at the other end. Neither minded because they were receiving a first class education and travelled with each other in the morning and friends on the way home.

Dishwashersaurous · 22/10/2021 20:51

Would they even be in catchment for a school an hour away?

How do you feel about travelling back in the evening for music concerts, sports events etc

seriousandloyal · 22/10/2021 20:51

Where are their friends going? That's usually what matters to children!

Landlubber2019 · 22/10/2021 20:52

Sorry but whilst you may have stellar results, at what cost? Wil they have a close social group nearby and will the cost be to their mental health?

I wouldn't consider it for my children

Floristry382 · 22/10/2021 20:52

Yes, way too far. Friendships in secondary school are absolutely vital to a happy, successful school life and seeing those friends outside of school is really important. Being so far away will make life difficult and the school day will be incredibly long particularly during the later years when they have so much homework to do after school. If your child is capable then they should so well in the closer school

Mynameismargot · 22/10/2021 20:52

My sons school is about a 50min bus ride away. It does make a long day for him but we discussed it before hand and this was where he wanted to go. We aren't in the UK so our reasons for picking the school(the language spoken in the school) were different to yours but he is 2 years in now and very happy there. He does find it tiring though and it does make for long days but the benefits of him having a second language outweighed the negatives for both us and him.

Rabbitheadlights · 22/10/2021 20:53

I made this choice based on results and facilities 5 yrs later daughter is in yr11 and son is in a school 10 minutes away. For all the time I considered facilities and results I hadn't considered pastoral care and frankly it's been diabolical. I wish we had stuck closer to home.

JurgensCakeBaby · 22/10/2021 20:54

I had a twenty minute bus ride to school and it made socialising tricky especially as for the first few years the buses weren't regular (every half hour to once an hour, and didn't run late in the evenings, luckily I had parents who were very willing to play taxi without complaint. You also need to think what if they have extra curricular they might not be finishing until after five then they need to get to the train/bus. It's not just an hour journey it's waiting for the first mode of transport and then connections. It might work out for normal school times but if they get held up, want to stay on for something, want to go to a friend's after school it then complicates matters. I'd think really hard about it.

Scoutingformygirls · 22/10/2021 21:01

I am so so pleased our heads weren't swayed by the amazing results and facilities of the more desirable school 50mins bus away. Lots of the neighbours go but their children leave well before mine, and return much later.

Going to our local, much less high achieving (but absolutely ok) school has been brilliant for our dc. Quick and easy, independent travel, surrounded by friends, able to walk together to each others' houses etc. All extra curricular activities are possible as no time is spent travelling and I can easily pick up on my way back from work without disadvantaging younger sibs. The pastoral care is really first class, even if the buildings are scruffy. And top sets mean the able ones will achieve good grades and the teachers are stretching them.

You couldn't persuade me that a long journey at each end of the day, plus friends (social and extra curricular activities) scattered across an area of an hour's radius from school is a good idea. Add in needing to get there if they're poorly or have a late finish or an early exam, parents evenings, plays, sports events.....no thanks!

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 22/10/2021 21:02

It depends partly on your reasons for the choice. My dd has just started a church secondary school an hour away by bus. It's half that in the car so easier but yes her friends will be spread around. It's such a tough decision which school to choose. The pastoral care is very good, we know a few others there already and they are a good support network. Early days for us but so far working out ok. Lots to consider.

Animood · 22/10/2021 21:05

I was sent to secondary a long way away. I wouldn't recommend it.

I was permanently exhausted by long commute.

If I missed the bus mum had to come get me.

All my friends lived ages away and I felt very isolated at evenings and weekends.

I struggled to go to after school activities because of tiredness and transport.

I do resent my parents for making such an utterly impractical choice on the basis that it was a good school. I am convinced the choice of school would not have made a material difference to my grades. But a closer school would have made me happier.

Animood · 22/10/2021 21:07

Oh and I was constantly begging my parents for lifts here there and everywhere to attend social events.

I mean practically every week for 6 years I begged them to ferry me around. They had to drive me to things or deal with an upset teen lurking around with nothing to do!

lochmaree · 22/10/2021 21:08

my DH parents insisted on sending him to a private or grammar school (cant remember which) an hours bus ride away, he failed his A levels whixh he puts down to all the travel time and lack of time to study (they also did swim training) Then he moved to his local comprehensive within walking distance and got better grades, made more friends and had more time to do other stuff. he brings it up now and again, especially if we're thinking about our son and potential school options. he is keen for him to have as little travel as possible

julieca · 22/10/2021 21:12

I did an hours journey to school all through secondary. I still socialised and did evening activities. When you are young and full of energy its not such a big deal.

Dixiechickonhols · 22/10/2021 21:12

It’s a long commute for a child. Plus if they do any extra activities/sports/revision classes they won’t be home until late.
My DC is at a grammar and it doesn’t fill all places from catchment so some kids travel a long way from out of catchment - some fall asleep in class.

julieca · 22/10/2021 21:13

But I got public transport by myself. Surprised at those saying they were tired. I had so much energy as a teenager.

WhiskyXray · 22/10/2021 21:16

I did it throughout secondary. I liked the quiet of the long ride home and got a lot of my homework done then actually.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/10/2021 21:16

I had to catch the 7.30am bus... but they were every 10 minutes. Its the lack of options that can make it stressful.

Seabreeze2 · 22/10/2021 21:18

Far too long for a child

Nimello · 22/10/2021 21:18

Plenty of independent school pupils do this sort of journey every day. They all seem to manage to make friends and have a good social life. They also become quite good at working out how to get to places to see their friends, if they're not on the doorstep.