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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send child to a secondary one hour away?

218 replies

hibbledibble · 22/10/2021 20:47

I'm thinking hard about secondary options currently. One option is about an hour away, and an amazing school. It would however involved a train ride and then a bus.

Other options are a bus ride away, and also good, but don't have the same amazing facilities or stellar results.

I'm torn regarding which school to pick as first choice.

Is an hour too much to travel?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/10/2021 10:26

Mine goes to school which used to be a 40 minute journey away and since we moved is now more like an hour and 20 with one long bus or two shorter buses. It's not ideal but it's worth it for him to keep his friends and relationships. I chose that one in the first place above the closer, less good school. Now we live nearer much better schools but he doesn't want to move. I guess that's because he's established though which yours is not yet

DuvetDayIsEveryDay · 23/10/2021 10:39

Lots of kids travel to my sons school. Mostly with a travelling time of an hour or more.

It's fairly common here in London.

Walkaround · 23/10/2021 11:00

Oodles of available public transport every few minutes is also common in London, so a missed connection is not the same thing there as it may be in other parts of the country, where a delay in one stage of the journey might result in a doubled journey time, or even being stranded miles from home. So, it does depend partly on context. Getting a train and a bus and journeying for at least an hour each way to avoid schools acknowledged to be good seems wasted effort to me, though.

ItsAllComingBackToMe · 23/10/2021 11:02

Lots of kids travel to my sons school. Mostly with a travelling time of an hour or more.

The entire point is that this is NOT the case where the OP is so her child would be travelling to a school that is t set up for this long distance travel by himself.

This isn't a school where lots of dc travel an hour or more.

TheGlitterFairy · 23/10/2021 11:05

I did an hours commute to attend secondary school as it was better than a closer one. Was all fine and many children had the same commute from the various villages around

Animood · 23/10/2021 11:11

Big difference between:

  • the closest school being an hour away, so the kids have to go there and
  • there being loads of schools in the vicinity, but your stupid parents thinking you're better off being in the "good school" a sodding trek away.

I cannot stress how much I resent my parents for this. Why did they pay for the stupid far away school?

Fallagain · 23/10/2021 11:14

Come yr 11 if they want to get good results then they should be studying for 37 hours a week (advice given in our local schools). Imagine doing a full time week with a 2 hour commute but being of an age when you need more sleep than an adult.

Freeekedout · 23/10/2021 11:22

Would you be happy doing the same commute to work, then coming home and starting your homework?

If the school is so good, move closer to it but don't commit your child to seven years of long journeys.

icedcoffees · 23/10/2021 11:22

@Animood

Big difference between:
  • the closest school being an hour away, so the kids have to go there and
  • there being loads of schools in the vicinity, but your stupid parents thinking you're better off being in the "good school" a sodding trek away.

I cannot stress how much I resent my parents for this. Why did they pay for the stupid far away school?

Yep, I think a lot of people are missing this point.

If everyone from villages A, B, C and D has to go to school in town E, then it's doable.

But if you live in town A and your parents decide to send you 30 miles away to town B, even though there's a perfectly decent school five minutes away, then you may end up pretty resentful and fed up after not too long.

reluctantbrit · 23/10/2021 11:26

Depends on several points:

How much homework/revision time do they expect each day? DD's school sys 1 1/2 - 2 hours in KS3 and 2-3 hours in KS4, that already eats in free time and hobbies, a long commute on top of that is difficult to manage.

How reliable is transport? How often are the trains cancelled or delayed? What is your back up plan? How often is a train in the afternoon? DD's school can issue same day detentions, what would happen if your child misses a train? Or if she attends any after school clubs/school activities, will she still be able to come home?

Hobbies - will she be able to continue with her hobbies or are they at times where she will still be travelling/just come home?

Friends - no necessarily the ones she currently has, DD lost contact with most of them as they were put in different forms but the ones she will make. Are you willing to play taxi all the time to drop her off? Is there public transport at weekends for her to go on her own?

KitchenKrisis · 23/10/2021 11:27

I always think about emergencies, needing to collect them for appt or getting them home quickly etc.

KitchenKrisis · 23/10/2021 11:28

I really wanted a school that was just a little tricky to get too, she didn't get in and I'm glad now because it was just that little bit to hard to get her there and back and getting her from my work to dentist appt etc

RealBecca · 23/10/2021 11:30

Sorry yes it is. Think how long your sons day will be. And an jour each way...well, he cpuld spend that doing homework if he went to the closer school couldnt he.

hettol · 23/10/2021 11:36

It's quite normal when I was growing up in London to travel that for secondary.

hettol · 23/10/2021 11:36

In terms of friendship groups we were all fairly spread out so met up on weekends.

hettol · 23/10/2021 11:38

also managed to do after school activities no problem.

hettol · 23/10/2021 11:38

But I got public transport by myself. Surprised at those saying they were tired. I had so much energy as a teenager.

Same

icedcoffees · 23/10/2021 11:38

@hettol

It's quite normal when I was growing up in London to travel that for secondary.
But as has been said numerous times, you can't compare London to other rural areas as the transport is so different.

If you miss the tube in London, there's another one 2-3 minutes later. If you miss the train in NowhereTown, you may not get another one for 2-3 hours.

StormzyinaTCup · 23/10/2021 11:41

@KitchenKrisis

I always think about emergencies, needing to collect them for appt or getting them home quickly etc.
This also a big consideration, especially if you find your DC needs 2/3 years of orthodontic work!!
hettol · 23/10/2021 11:41

It takes me an hour to get to work and I'm shattered

Again 45mins - 1 hour door to door journey living & working in London is very normal.

Sometimes I think MNs is an alternate universe!

sunshinesupermum · 23/10/2021 11:44

Dd2 had similar journey but made her still closest 3 friends on the school bus as there were a number of them who all went to the same school. The day was long admittedly and i dropped her off and picked her up from bus stop which meant leaving home at 7.00amand getting back at 5.00pm. She is 36 now!

icedcoffees · 23/10/2021 11:46

@hettol

It takes me an hour to get to work and I'm shattered

Again 45mins - 1 hour door to door journey living & working in London is very normal.

Sometimes I think MNs is an alternate universe!

Again, London commutes are not really comparable to other areas of the country.

If you miss the tube in London, another one will be along in a second. If you miss the only bus out of the village, you can't get to school or work. The trains don't run regularly from most towns either - if you miss your connection due to a delay, you're stuffed.

thesugarbumfairy · 23/10/2021 11:48

I think you need to do that journey and see how it feels.

My children have a commute to school (which we chose for them - rather than going to our catchment).

They get a lift to the station (7 minutes), followed by a train (15 mins) then walk 15-20 mins to school. Its fine and a lot of kids do it, but more than that I think might be excessive. My youngest started in September and was exhausted for the first couple of weeks but he doesn't bat an eyelid now. He loves the train as he gets to natter with friends.

We are in the situation where we are able to drive them to the station and pick them up - otherwise they'd also have a 25-30 minute bike ride at to get to and from the station - which some kids do - but I think mine would probably go on strike!

hettol · 23/10/2021 11:49

But as has been said numerous times, you can't compare London to other rural areas as the transport is so different.

Where have I compared them? I simply said it's quite normal in London as many posters have said "they would never do it". They didn't say "they would never do it unless in London". Is the OP rural?

Walkaround · 23/10/2021 11:51

@hettol - would you have had the “energy” as a teenager (or 11 year old) to appreciate commuting past lots of good schools to go to a school miles from your local community when the bus and train services you relied on arrived, at best, once an hour, so that your journey home was a minimum of 2 hours if you missed a connection? Or are you limiting your comments on energy to Londoners?

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