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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send child to a secondary one hour away?

218 replies

hibbledibble · 22/10/2021 20:47

I'm thinking hard about secondary options currently. One option is about an hour away, and an amazing school. It would however involved a train ride and then a bus.

Other options are a bus ride away, and also good, but don't have the same amazing facilities or stellar results.

I'm torn regarding which school to pick as first choice.

Is an hour too much to travel?

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 22/10/2021 23:07

My children go to school just over 20 miles away and there are others who travel further and so probably take an hour is so to get there. But we are rural so this is very common and not easy to avoid. It's fine generally, because there is an infrastructure that supports it - a bus from the village, a parents' WhatsApp group so we share after school activity pick ups etc but even so it can be tough.
I think you need to think through as many problem scenarios as you can - missed bus, bad weather, accident or illness at school etc. How woukd he/you manage those situations. And dont underestimate the social aspects. Being in a big group travelling from the same village like my kids is a very different situation to possibly being the only out of town pupil in a group - the only one who can't make it to the football match on Saturday, or the after school activities etc. He could end up isolated from local friends because he doesn't go to the same school but isolated from school friends because he isn't local. If you take this option I think you need to prepare yourself for a lot of driving at weekends and eveningsfor a good few years - it isn't just the school day to consider.
It is do-able, yes, but not necessarily desirable. There would need to be a very big difference between this school and the nearer ones to persuade me I think.

zoemum2006 · 22/10/2021 23:09

I travelled 60-90 minutes each way to school (it wasn't even a great school but Hackney schools in the 80s were dire).

If you ask me would I recommended it? I have literally bought my house in order to be in walking distance of good school for my kids.

AmandaHoldensLips · 22/10/2021 23:15

I did bus and train to school from age 11.
I was fine with it. It was my choice of school.
(parents totally disengaged)

RiverSkater · 22/10/2021 23:24

I used to get three buses across the city to school. It took an hour, sometimes more. I was constantly worried about getting the connections and being late.

I was always so tired, none of my friends lived anywhere near me. Life was just buses, school, homework, sleep, repeat.
My primary school friends all went to the same school. I wish I had too.

Yes I had a great education but I would have been happier local as school isn't just about education.

SusannaRowan · 22/10/2021 23:25

DD travels to an out of catchment school, we didn't really have a choice. She misses out on a lot of social things, kids are mainly local to the school and meet up on the spur of the moment, but she has to plan a bus. She's tired as the bus times mean she is hanging round after/before school and her after school activities are restricted. I'm constantly having to drive her places. If you asked her she'd say it's mainly the friendships that bother her, she misses out on a lot and feels she has few friends because of it and has missed a few opportunities for things at school as she couldn't get back in an evening.

XelaM · 22/10/2021 23:57

My daughter's school is that far, but there is a school bus that collects her from our doorstep and because the school is close to an equestrian yard where we keep our pony, I have arranged for the bus to drop her off at the yard straight after school, so she gets to do her favourite after school activity every day and I pick her up in the evening. It works very well for us, but only thanks to the school's bus service and the fact that the school is close to the stables. It would be awful on several different public transports

cheninblanc · 23/10/2021 00:00

Yes, originally my daughters were 20mins away then we moved a bus and train away that was over an hour. They hated it, the journey was so stressful, one daughter stayed and finished year 11 the other moved to the village school and in the end my eldest chose her a levels at the local school

LittleDandelionClock · 23/10/2021 00:06

@hibbledibble

NO. Don't send them to a secondary school an hour away (40 miles or so is it?) For all the reasons everyone has listed. Main ones being they will not have their group of school friends closeby to socialise with outside of school, and the long commute will be tiring. If your child(ren) are smart and academic, they'll do well wherever they go.

AuntieObnoxious · 23/10/2021 00:09

Nope, an hour is fine for teenagers. He’ll get lots of homework completed on the train & bus. Are there other friends (or potential friends) travelling the same journey? My journey was part of my social life & I loved it, nothing like commuting to work. However if he’s the only one travelling that route & its a tedious journey he might be more inclined to go to a closer school.

Siameasy · 23/10/2021 00:34

It’s way too long. I’m increasingly seeing friends’ DC cracking under the huge academic pressures around nowadays-11 year olds with anxiety, it just isn’t worth it and this sort of thing adds to the stress

Luckytattie · 23/10/2021 03:54

@AuntieObnoxious

Nope, an hour is fine for teenagers. He’ll get lots of homework completed on the train & bus. Are there other friends (or potential friends) travelling the same journey? My journey was part of my social life & I loved it, nothing like commuting to work. However if he’s the only one travelling that route & its a tedious journey he might be more inclined to go to a closer school.
And yet there's lots of us it wasn't fine for...
gofg · 23/10/2021 07:12

I wouldn't travel so far for work, let alone school. It sounds like my idea of Hell.

Moraxella · 23/10/2021 07:14

I did this when I went to secondary: that’s where my friends came from, classmates also doing the commute. It was very social and the envy of those who lived close to school! Also could do homework on the train

Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 23/10/2021 07:20

I had a 1hr 15min bus ride to school as a child and I survived. Grin

Briony123 · 23/10/2021 07:20

If it's a private school with a huge catchment then many of the children will be in the same situation and all the parents will spend their evenings and weekends taxiing them around. If you put your children in a situation where all their friends live significant drives away then you'll have to put in a LOT of effort yourselves.

Banani · 23/10/2021 07:22

I did this for secondary, slightly longer than an hour in reality with a poor bus service.

I hated up, leaving in the dark and getting home in the dark, no local friends so hard to see people at weekends/holidays and more pressure on homework as I was home so much later than my peers. I was very fortunate to get a great education and access to amazing facilities but it was hard. And I had less opportunity to access those facilities at after school clubs etc as I needed to get the bus.

Banani · 23/10/2021 07:25

Worth adding, my mum would have had no idea I hated it so much, probably still wouldn’t.

SheWoreYellow · 23/10/2021 07:28

I think it’s too long.

When you say an hour, do you mean

Leave house 7.30, school starts 8.30?
Or is there a gap before starting school?
I’d want to know what the day looks like, what time to leave, how often trains and buses are, how reliable, is there a backup.

Where do most of the other pupils come from would be a consideration too.

eurochick · 23/10/2021 07:35

I did similar - bus and walk. It took around an hour. It never occurred to me to mind. Lots did similar journeys.

TheNinny · 23/10/2021 07:39

I live rurally in Scotland. The school catchment is probably a 50 min bus ride (due to stops) for the kids here. I’ve seen it arrive around 8 when I’m leaving for work. The only other option would be child comes with me (40m in car) to high school in town I work in, or another town about 50 mins away in bus as well. This thread is interesting. Some children, like the ones in my village don’t have a choice (unless parents move) and cope perfectly fine.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 23/10/2021 07:47

If it's train then bus do both run very regularly? Changes can make it easy for travel time to blow out. Something to consider, what difference will the amazing school potentially make? Is there a specialist subject they need to do that the other school doesn't have? I'd want a concrete reason to consider it, not just it being a better school. I wouldn't have liked this as a teen and would have done well in most schools so it wouldn't have been worth the extra stress and time to me.

Sleepyquest · 23/10/2021 07:51

I travelled very far for secondary school. I was exhausted and still resent it to this day. I purposely choose jobs where I have a short commute and I can drive in my nice warm car.

Icebreaker99 · 23/10/2021 07:52

If it's that amazing are you willing to move closer? if you're not able to put up with the inconvenience of moving then seriously think if your child is able to put up with a two hour commute almost everyday for the next six years.

All this nonsense about getting homework done on the bus and train, where do you live that this would be possible? Buses at school kicking out time are rammed around here,and far too wild to be able to concentrate and get spread your books out for study.

BikeRunSki · 23/10/2021 07:55

I travelled an hour to school across London and it was fine. 1 hour was 4 miles, and there were so many public transport options, and then night busses as I got older, than it really didn’t need thinking about.

DH went to school from a very rural location on a bus chartered by parents. Hated it. It picked him up from home at x time and left school at y time. If he missed it, it was a 16 mile, hilly bike ride, or his parents to take him/fetch him.as a result he was not involved in any after school teams, clubs etc and felt very isolated. He was the only person in his village to go to that school (parents moved in Y9).

All 1 hour commutes are not equal!

malificent7 · 23/10/2021 07:58

My dad put my grades above my mental health....not good.