Weird bridesmaid’s boyfriend

[Peridotty]

I got married 2 years ago so old story but played on my mind a few times.
On the morning of the wedding, I had a minivan pick up my bridesmaids and me from our hotels to the venue to get ready.
I invited my bridesmaid’s boyfriend to the wedding because they were coming from overseas and they could have a holiday after the event together. I don’t know him well, met him once and he is a very silent character. Only spoke to my friend and not to me. He has a very narrow interest (trains).
On the morning of the wedding he came with me and my bridesmaids in the minivan to the venue to get ready.
He then sat in the bedroom in the corner for the whole morning, not doing anything as we were getting changed and doing our hair and makeup. It was just him + me + 3 bridesmaids.
He didn’t utter a single word. He is extremely quiet and may have aspergers?
The photographer was there taking photos. I really didn’t want him to be in my photos because it would look really weird.
He wasn’t dressed up or anything- wore a sports jacket and sat in the corner just staring at us or looking at his phone.
When I was about to get undressed and get into my wedding dress he had to be prompted to leave the room! He would not have thought to otherwise. He was just staring into space when I said I had to get dressed now (pointedly at him). My bridesmaid had to tell him to leave and he said ‘Oh!!’ Like he didn’t think about it.
He nearly forgot that he had to be in the room with all my guests before I walked down the aisle. I had to get staff to escort him to the other room and have a golf buggy take him. He nearly had to walk down the aisle with us!!!
He was so weird and it was weird that my friend wanted him there, right?

[AnnaSW1]

I think it was kind of poor hosting/arranging on your part. You should have directed him to where he should wait. I doubt he wanted to spend that whole morning there either.

[Peridotty]

@Pythonistadidn’t mean this thread to be about autism at all. It was about him being in the same room as us being odd or my bridesmaid’s behaviour being odd for bringing him along.
@girlmom21 I don’t know how good his English is because he never spoke to me. He is not English. He doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding.
@HazelandChacha yeah I think my bridesmaid wanted to come otherwise he would be alone and possibly unsure how to get to the venue.

[Bigtruth]

As a sometimes awkward, autistic male, I can definitely recognise myself in the description of the boyfriend. Doesn't mean he's autistic but clearly he's awkward and from your description, sometimes you don't need to be a psychiatrist as some people are suggesting.

It was your wedding so really someone should have recognised your awkwardness at the situation and remedied the situation, I guess that's why you're upset.

Don't be hard on the guy, I assure you that he only wanted to go unnoticed and felt awkward the whole time but didn't know how to deal with that. Someone else could and should have helped out really (autistic or not, men can be simple and thoughtless without intent a whole lot of the time).

Your maid of honour or his partner should have removed him from the room, found him some way to amuse himself, they let you down really so please don't blame an awkward guy.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

The poor man was my first thought, I'm pretty sure being there was the last thing he wanted to do. If I were you I'd have got a member of my family or friends to show him to the bar or somewhere to wait.

I also agree with the PP's that said that you think he's also autistic and you keep on calling him weird. That's so offensive and ignorant.

It was two years ago, hope you had better memories than this to think about.

[Peridotty]

@AnnaSW1 true, I should have occupied him a bit better. It was my first time there too and I was caught up with a lot of things (I was running behind and my hairdresser came late). I agree, now to think of it. I could have done better as a host.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

[quote Peridotty]@Pythonistadidn’t mean this thread to be about autism at all. It was about him being in the same room as us being odd or my bridesmaid’s behaviour being odd for bringing him along.
@girlmom21 I don’t know how good his English is because he never spoke to me. He is not English. He doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding.
@HazelandChacha yeah I think my bridesmaid wanted to come otherwise he would be alone and possibly unsure how to get to the venue.[/quote]
So, it sounds like he may not speak English, in a foreign country, at a strangers wedding and only knows his girlfriend. I feel really sorry for him.

[Bluntness100]

For goodness sake. If he didn’t say anything then no one spoke to th poor man and you think he may have Asperger’s, why are you on line taking the piss?

[Peridotty]

@WhenISnappedAndFarted yeah true, he probably didn’t want to be there! I don’t blame him for being there at all, it was my bridesmaid who took him along. Maybe she was trying to be considerate to him. At the time I thought that she couldn’t bear to be apart from him or something like that.

[girlmom21]

I don’t know how good his English is because he never spoke to me. He is not English. He doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding.

There we go. Problem solved.

Why didn't you speak to him, considering you'd invited him to your wedding?

[Peridotty]

@Pythonista I don’t think all socially awkward people have autism or all autistic people are socially awkward either. They are all individuals. It was the combination of all the other things that made me think he might have autism- narrow interests, lack of eye contact, didn’t speak to me, doesn’t smile.

[CustardySergeant]

@girlmom21

I don’t know how good his English is because he never spoke to me. He is not English. He doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding.

There we go. Problem solved.

Why didn't you speak to him, considering you'd invited him to your wedding?

Good point. I wonder if he thought you were rude in not speaking to him at all, almost as if he were invisible.

[YoungGiftedPlump]

Channel your inner Elsa

[Peridotty]

@girlmom21 the first time I met him I was friendly and tried to get to know him. When I talk to him though he looks like a deer in headlights, he will look at his girlfriend, she repeats the questions and then he will reply back to her. His English can’t be that bad though cos he works as a researcher in a university in a country whose second official language is English.

[Peridotty]

@CustardySergeant oh dear. Maybe I was rude!! I definitely should have tried to be friendlier. I did just ignore him and got on with getting ready.

[girlmom21]

[quote Peridotty]@girlmom21 the first time I met him I was friendly and tried to get to know him. When I talk to him though he looks like a deer in headlights, he will look at his girlfriend, she repeats the questions and then he will reply back to her. His English can’t be that bad though cos he works as a researcher in a university in a country whose second official language is English.[/quote]
Where in the country are you? Do you have an accent? Accents make a massive different for people who aren't from the UK. And sometimes for people who are.

[Peridotty]

And I’m also a shy, introvert who doesnt enjoy chatting to strangers

[Peridotty]

@girlmom21 I don’t have a regional accent. He doesn’t have much practice hearing and speaking English so may have trouble conversing with me.

[Pythonista]

[quote Peridotty]@Pythonista I don’t think all socially awkward people have autism or all autistic people are socially awkward either. They are all individuals. It was the combination of all the other things that made me think he might have autism- narrow interests, lack of eye contact, didn’t speak to me, doesn’t smile.[/quote]
I'm not surprised tbh.

Do you understand how crass your 'lol' comments were?

You drip fed that he didn't speak good English - perhaps that was relevant?

It took two years of tests and assessments for me to be diagnosed - I should have come to you, as you clearly can spot ASD from a mile away

[skybluee]

He may have autism. He may not. Does it really matter now?

[Pythonista]

@Peridotty

And I’m also a shy, introvert who doesnt enjoy chatting to strangers

You must be autistic then apparently

[Pythonista]

[quote Peridotty]@girlmom21 I don’t have a regional accent. He doesn’t have much practice hearing and speaking English so may have trouble conversing with me.[/quote]
No shit Sherlock

[Chikapu]

[quote Peridotty]@Pythonista lol me. He has a very narrow interest in trains. He loves them, collects models, he knows all the train lines off by heart, he knows all the stations and stops, he will sit on a train just to sit on a train, he was going to a train show after the wedding and he even has his girlfriend (my friend) take photos of trains that she sees.[/quote]
I really wasn't aware that an appreciation of trains was a signifier of Aspergers. You really do learn something new every day!

[Peridotty]

@Pythonista have sometimes wondered if I was autistic although I have done tests to show I am not.

[Peridotty]

@Chikapu no, I myself LOVE trains too but not to that extent.

[Peridotty]

@Chikapu www.autismspeaks.org/expert-opinion/what-it-about-autism-and-trains-0